Someone explained demisexuals to me

Ridewithme38 · 2021-01-14T17:24:50+00:00

I run into the same issue in real life and its caused me to sorta pull back from dating. We live in such a 'hookup' culture that its gotten very hard to meet and get to know someone without the pressure of sex within just the first few dates.

I've been called all kinds of names by women just because i turned down their sexual advances, its as if men dont have the option to say no. We are expected to always want and always be ready for sex.

lilycamilly · 2021-01-14T15:29:45+00:00

IDK how old you are but kids are stupid in middle/high school. No grown adult would judge you for not being interested in casual sex. I would say don't overthink the label, I'm pretty sure the term "demisexual" was invented by some teen on tumblr forever ago. Sex is always better with someone you know and trust. There's nothing wrong with casual sex but it's not for everyone.

Don't worry about what your friends think. If they can't fathom not wanting to bang strangers that's a them problem, not a you problem.

brahmidia · 2021-01-14T17:26:12+00:00

It's definitely a negative stereotype about men that gets internalized easily. But it's not true, and it's not true for you, and honestly what society and popular culture tell us we "should" be is mostly BS.

Be a good person, lead a balanced life that tries to help not hurt others, and don't care too much what stereotypes tell you. For just one other example look up "the relationship escalator." It's a script engrained in many of us that has us "keeping up with the Joneses" instead of doing what makes sense for us and our partners.

Here's another one: many women want sex just as much or more than men (or their male partners) but our society just calls them bad names for expressing that. A man who literally drugs and rapes a woman behind a dumpster will get called a good kid with a promising future, while a woman who so much as wears a tank top gets called a whore on the sidewalk from strangers. It's not fair, none of this is fair, and the stereotypes are frankly harmful.

What is true is that hormones are a hell of a drug and testosterone and estrogen have different effects. Maybe not as much as stereotypes might say, but still estrogen isn't going to make people punch holes in drywall and testosterone isn't going to make people feel sensitive and delicate. When I hear stories from my trans friends about their journey it's very eye opening -- who better to learn about the social and biological implications of gender than from someone who's pretty nearly lived life from both angles?

SnooMachines7712 · 2021-01-14T19:06:32+00:00

I am demi, getting used causes me a great deal of emotional pain

tomowudi · 2021-01-14T19:18:26+00:00

Labels like these can certainly be useful as a way of communicating to others that understand these labels the fabric/pallette of your experience and preferences.

However, I would simply advise you not to confuse identifying with the traits a label describes with your sense of identity. You may be adequately described as a demisexual, but you may also differ in certain ways that either the label wouldn't be applicable, might be contradictory with others who identify with the label, or which are entirely unique to your specific circumstances.

You will always be more than any label can properly encapsulate. And as you get older, you will continue to become MORE than you were. So you may outgrow the labels that are useful today tomorrow, and there is nothing wrong with that either.

atman714 · 2021-01-14T22:55:46+00:00

I don't really like to put labels on it, but I probably fit the demi-sexual description. Basically, for me it means that I don't like hookups. I've done a few over the last year, and I always felt shitty after them. The sex was boring, there was no connection, and I just felt empty. But, I love sex with a significant other. When I start developing feelings for someone, sex feels so much better, and I feel fulfilled after it rather than drained. There's nothing wrong with either or IMO. We can't really control it.

Inareskai · 2021-01-15T09:32:05+00:00

My (male) partner is demisexual. He doesn't have celebrity crushes etc because he can see they're attractive but doesn't want to be with them - he needs to get to know them first.

There is this pervasive idea that 'men are only after one thing' but an idea being pervasive in society doesn't mean everyone thinks it.

If you feel the idea of being demisexual resonates with you then cool.

Mh882130 · 2021-01-14T15:01:44+00:00

Fuck what others think, unless they are helping you on your way. Do you.

Last time a girl laughed at me when I told her my sexuality (non monogamous) and she said “Oh so you are a man whore who prefers quantity over quality) I said, Well I guess you won’t see how effective it is to share my love with all people in the bedroom.

I then got up walked away and she came back and said she was kidding and the rest is history.

A lot of women laugh to test your character. Others are being playful and others are being hurtful, to which then I take the piss out of it.

Bottom line, If they genuinely think you are a joke then walk away. Now if you want them to no longer do that, use positive reinforcement.

Say something like “You know you are cute and all and I’d love to get to know you on a deeper level which is why I’m here. However, your perception of me being a typical guy and your expectation that this experience is leading towards a relationship is quite flawed and preventing me from really connecting with you which I want to do otherwise I would mot be here. Thus, you can either continue trying to figure me out, test my boundaries, be in your head, or you can be in the moment, be chill, be yourself and whatever happens happens. Either option is fine by me. One will produce a cheque, the other an authentic connection”

A lot of women go into dating even in the beginning in a relationship mindset even if you say you don’t do unopened ones.

Title	Someone explained demisexuals to me
Author	defo18
Upvotes	19
Comments	29
Date	January 14, 2021 2:22 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/kx6jgi/someone_explained_demisexuals_to_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/someone-explained-demisexuals-to-me.728596 https://theredarchive.com/post/728596

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