Ok I really just need to rant, please bear with me.

I once dated a guy that turned out to be a NVM. He seemed like such a nice guy, he claimed to have two masters degrees and was a scientist. I fell for it, as I was in the vulnerable position of being a masters student and working under a toxic advisor, so, naturally, I was drawn to him and his ‘kindness’ and appreciated him giving me advice. I ended up starting a relationship with him because I let my guard down and missed red flags (controlling and manipulative, he literally ranted at me for 30 minutes claiming I ‘disrespected his time’ when I asked him to get drinks after a hard day at work, like wtf! It’s a fucking drink man, just say no if you don’t want it!). Therapist claimed I was being ‘too sensitive’ and was ‘overreacting’ and that I should try to empathize and see things from his perspective! She claimed I needed to pull back my ‘claws’, but me being me, I listened to create ‘healthier relationships’.

Of course, I didn’t trust my instincts and I started to miss more and more red flags. After he missed my birthday and disappeared for over a month, I called him out on his BS and was about to block him after he suggested wanting fwb after a 9 month run. My therapist told me that I should try it and I might like it. I knew it was wrong, but it caused me to stay in contact with him, causing more damage. He claimed I was crazy and delusional, because I refused to get trampled over again. (I’m sorry but no I’m not going to have a goddamn threesome with you just because you want to sleep with other girls!) He continued to belittle me, and the therapist just acted like I was the one who was delusional, and that I incited his behavior (he was a narcissist on top of that, so I got sucked into gaslighting and the likes). Dumped that therapist but was so conflicted about the narc ex (his gaslighting was starting to affect me at this point, couldn’t see manipulation from reality). I felt the worst than I have ever felt in my entire life.

Got a new therapist and she claimed that I was the one who was ‘not communicating like an adult’ and that I was being too mean to him and I shouldn’t talk back at him. I’m sorry but what?! Screw that! I found out he lied about his age (he was 13 years older than me, like ew wtf), lied about his name, and the part that hurt me the most, he only had a bachelors degree, and was not a scientist, but a goddamn tour guide with access to the publicly know material so he could pretend to be a scientist! So all that advice he gave me to help me get through grad school was just to control me and get me to ‘trust’ him. It nearly destroyed me and my education. Manipulative as hell and I knew I was right to get away, but no, I just had to listen to the therapist because I was trying to ‘get better’ screw it, therapists can’t help, men are just full of BS. But this time after prying myself away from another therapist and staying away from the narcissist, I block and deleted him. I’m not tolerating that BS anymore!

So now I’m very confused if I really am overreacting or if I do need to stand up for myself more, and shut these guys down before they get into my life. My red flag detector is so screwed up now, what the hell! I know how wrong this guy was but now I can’t stop thinking about my therapists telling me that ‘I should be nicer to have healthier and more fulfilling relationships’ (Dont worry, not going back to that NVM), but I’m realizing I need to be around more Queens who won’t tolerate BS.

Thanks for reading this rant, I’m sorry, I’m just pissed off as hell and therapy seems to promote being a PickMe.

*Note I’m not claiming that all therapists are bad but the ones I got involved with were not helpful at all.