I only have an account on FetLife.com so I'll talk about my experience there. It's basically like regular dating, except all the guys are up front with how weird and crazy they are. From what I've seen and experienced, the BDSM community it is mostly for and benefits men. Even the female domination kink seems to benefit men and is very performative. There's this whole, weird issue with people in the community hating findom (financial domination) because it's abusive and exploitive (but at the same time they're ok with physical and mental kinks). I just don't understand how they can be okay with one and not okay with the other, if they say consent is so important. If a guy (it's usually woman with male pay pigs) consents to having his bank account drained, how is he different than the person that consents to get beaten? After thinking about it, the only difference I see is that the ones in control are women and they're taking the men's money. Often sex isn't involved so there's not sexual benefit for the man so I see why so many men are against it. People in the community also don't like OnlyFans or professional dominatrixes. Basically FetLife exists for men to get free porn and free sex without having to pay sex workers/content creators. These same guys probably hate to pay for dinner on dates. Women are putting their bodies and livelihoods (because the fall out from being female and kinky is different for women) at risk for these kinks and the dudes only have aftercare to offer. The hate pros, because they actually have more power than the women in the community that to BDSM for free. They actually have to vet men and will do background checks.

Don't get me started on the race fetishists. They want to consume black bodies (BBC, serve Black masters/mistress) and role play behind closed doors, but when it comes to actually doing something that benefits the Black person (orgasms don't count) or community and they've got nothing.

So many guys use their penis size as a personality trait. Like, their photo album will be a much of photos of their ashy dick from the same angle as if that's appealing.

A lot of women put so much effort into their photos and these hairy dudes with beer guts posts pics of their unmanscaped pubes, old boxers, and dirty rooms in the background. The guys that are actually attractive are just like the guys on dating apps trying to have regular sex with random people without having to go on a date. Then there's the dark weirdos that are just all kinds of creepy. There's a guy in my area who I think is a legit pimp. His submissives are prostitutes that have to make an OnlyFans account, from which he probably takes all of most of the proceeds. I can't say for certain, but it's the vibe I get. I was talking to a local guy and my suspicions were mostly confirmed. He's small and doesn't go to that guy's parties because he'd probably get assaulted. What sort of things could I do if I suspect prostitution? Could I call in a tip? I'm worried about retaliation, even though I've been somewhat anonymous.

I see a lot of beautiful women on the site, pretty enough to be models, but they're spread eagle on the internet, for what... There are women that post this kind of content and don't even get paid for it. Content on the internet is forever. Which is why I made a point to never show my face or pose nude. Do they want to be sex workers forever? Can we expect the world to change so that women who are former sex workers can make career changes? At least back in the day if you did sex work you could move out of state. Now you post photos the whole world can see. I do worry about my time there, but I've been trying to conduct myself as if the whole world were watching. Like, my profile is embarrassing, but I don't think/hope it's not career damaging. :( Anyone that used to be into BDSM worry about the fall out? Have you ever been exposed?

The longer I've been on FetLife, the more I'm annoyed, saddened, and just grossed out by sex and men. Though recently I've started making posts about how trash the site and how trash men are in general. After being on the FetLife and reading on here I just feel like dating at this point is so tragic and will be a big disappointment. I was very eager to start back dating and really wanted to meet guys, but as 2020 rolled on and we're now in 2021 I'm not as excited. It just feels hopeless. I'm okay with being single, I guess, but I'd like a guy to spend time with in the future. A vibrator just isn't the same. There's not enough good guys out there for all of us. I feel like the guys that I might have met in real life aren't that different than the men on FetLife. Maybe it's just the dating app guys?? I feel like the next guy I date is going have to be Christian and either celibate or extremely sexually conservative. I've seen too much.

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TLDR: FetLife is insane and trashy and sad.