How to get rid of ridiculously high standards?

LateralThinker13 · 2018-06-28T14:33:38+00:00

When people weasel, they tend to admit the truth in between the lines.

There’s this guy who’s perfect.

Okay. He's perfect.

Might be above my smv.

Is VERY much above my self-perceived SMV/RMV.

Most likely is, actually.

Isn't actually higher value, but I'm down on myself so I can't adequately judge him vs. me.

However, I can’t feel any attraction to him.

I'm scared to open myself to him.

Why?

I have not confronted my issues, and they're holding me back.

He doesn’t have nice fingers. FINGERS.

I don't want to face them, so I pretend he's ~~irredeemably flawed in the fingers~~ as low SMV as I perceive myself to be.

Whenever I feel myself becoming a little bit attracted, I look down at his fingers and it’s zapped completely away.

Whenever I start to think I am worthy of him, my issues always come back up and I push away from him again.

I’m not perfect myself- far from it.

I can admit that I might have one or two minor character defects. But no more. I'm fine. Almost perfect. Nothing to see here, moving on. No, seriously, moving on. Everything's great. New paint, nothing hiding. Look, squirrel!

But in order to feel a little bit of attraction to a guy, he has to be.

I want him to be perfect because it draws attention away from my defects. But he'll never BE perfect, because I'll fixate on something minute out of low self-esteem in order to avoid rejection.

Down to his damn fingers and toes apparently.

Now you're bringing up toes? See how this excuse-making escalates...

How do I get rid of this asinine thinking and get myself a man?

We hear nothing about YOU. What baggage is causing this? Because I can smell baggage from a mile away. Bad parental upbringing, single mother raised you, alcohol dependency, what's your baggage? You don't have to say, ~~but are you working on it~~ Obviously you're not working on it, but will you?

Otherwise you're wasting your time.

girlwithabike · 2018-06-28T16:08:51+00:00

Have you taken any of the advice that people gave you in your last three or four posts? It seems not if you are dating. Fix yourself. No excuses.

Blackhawk2479 · 2018-06-28T13:17:07+00:00

It sounds like you’re hamstering excuses to disqualify this guy because you’re protecting yourself from rejection borne out of convincing yourself he is too good for you.

Short answer: just take a chance and show sexual interest in him and see what happens. Yes, you may get rejected, no, it won’t matter.

Long answer: work on your own SMV so that you feel more confident in yourself. There are many ways you can improve:

get in better shape (doubly true if you’re overweight, but you can generally always improve your fitness)
get a new hair style, ask for advice on styles that would that suit your hair type and face shape
dress up/more feminine
wear makeup if you don’t already, but don’t overdo it
act more happy, feminine and supplicant around him (since he’s tall, fit and confident and probably fairly dominant as a result)
eat well, sleep well and anything else that will improve your state of mind

Feel more confident and happy in yourself and forget SMV and his fingers!

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-06-28T13:37:39+00:00

You don’t have high standards, you’re just afraid of commitment.

I used to be like this. It’s just an excuse to not date someone, his fingers probably don’t actually mean anything to you, and they probably aren’t noteworthy to anyone else either.

If you don’t want to date anyone, that’s completely fine. But you need to realize that instead of blaming your lack of attraction on someone else’s flaws.

jazzvai · 2018-06-28T13:22:12+00:00

Well everyone Is entitled to their preferences. But just be aware that nobody is perfect so I mean you’ll always find something wrong ya know. But what can you live with ? Some people live with an alcoholic, smoker someone with a mental illness because they love them irrespective. Their vices don’t bother then.

ContemporaryBelle · 2018-06-28T13:55:38+00:00

You are creating an excuse to run away. You aren't being reasonable unless he's got some kind of extreme deformity going on but it doesn't sound like he does. Work on your own confidence and everytime you want to focus in on this minor detail start listing off mentally everything about him that's amazing. You will get over it if you keep redirecting like that.

Waterboo2 · 2018-06-28T17:33:45+00:00

Maybe you just don’t like him. There are men who are conventionally attractive and said to be “10’s” that I don’t find all that great. Not all tall men are that attractive.

noyouarestupid · 2018-06-28T19:53:02+00:00

How to get rid of ridiculously high standards?

A fear of being alone.

PhaedrusHunt · 2018-06-28T22:01:22+00:00

You sound insane

[deleted] · 2018-06-29T03:29:32+00:00

My theory is that if you start nit-picking like that, it means there's a bigger issue that your mind can't really digest or doesn't want to think about, so you start finding small things that bother you.

Maybe deep down you don't want a relationship right now or maybe there is something else about him that is a red flag.

SighsUnzips · 2018-06-28T22:27:24+00:00

If you need help lowering your standards, date me.

aussiedollface · 2018-07-02T22:55:18+00:00

I think the cure for too high standards is a good hard look at yourself and what you realistically offer a man/relationship. Do you have someone who could drop some truth bombs? My mum was very good at telling me I had “no wifely skills” and that I needed to learn how to cook etc hehe. She also used to tell me that I would be “left on the shelf” if I didn’t get my act together. It seems harsh at the time but it’s good advice xo

TrueFacets · 2018-06-28T14:23:19+00:00

kind, good-hearted, treats me well and is very confident

He's probably too nice. Remember a situation when you were really attracted to someone, right there in the moment! When you really felt it. What did the guy do ?

Chances are the guy was not being nice, and polite. But rather wild, brutisch, maybe loud, or he was passionately doing something cool and was competent at it.

even the hottest guy can be blue-pill boring

Title	How to get rid of ridiculously high standards?
Author	Torridtwenty
Upvotes	18
Comments	27
Date	June 28, 2018 1:00 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8uj653/how_to_get_rid_of_ridiculously_high_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-get-rid-of-ridiculously-high-standards.74875 https://theredarchive.com/post/74875

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