Punched my father in the face and cut him out. Am I in the right or wrong?

TRPCops · 2021-05-25T15:12:27+00:00

Locking because the thread had run its course

verac757 · 2021-05-25T03:13:37+00:00

Cutting him out was right. Hitting him was wrong. This comes from another dude who trains to fight.

Jacked5parrow · 2021-05-25T03:14:12+00:00

Physical confrontation should really only be used for defense (either for yourself or someone you are attempting to protect). I mean your dad is an ass for doing that. But I don’t see the benefit in hitting him.

OptimisticalRanger · 2021-05-25T09:32:14+00:00

A man needs to control his emotions. You and your father are as worse as each other.

At least you have your whole life to learn to not be like him.

oooKenshiooo · 2021-05-25T03:51:01+00:00

Here is the rub though... You should not be going around punching people of you have to ask strangers for their moral blessing after the fact.

You should absolutely only pick the fights you can not avoid. And from the perspective of an older guy I can tell you that those are very rare... Maybe once or twice in lifetime.

MyRedGlasses · 2021-05-25T00:43:19+00:00

A man has full self control of his actions and emotions, and violence only when it's called for.

This was not one of those moments, have you considered martial arts?

Atomz00 · 2021-05-25T00:23:09+00:00

Just wow.

Your dad gets bullied in life so he picks on his kid?!

Sorry thats happened to you.

Try not to punch people.

Tambamwham · 2021-05-25T12:09:25+00:00

I wouldn’t have punched him because I would have called him out publicly and cut him out a long time ago. And your mom encouraged every bit of this abuse. Dont forget that

spedoid · 2021-05-25T02:18:29+00:00

demote your dad to plate

Conflicted1121 · 2021-05-25T01:14:18+00:00

It's not good that you let yourself be controlled by your emotions or aggressive impulses. Your dad deserved it, but you don't deserve the repercussions if assault.

Cut him off it you want, seems like he's not all that concerned with how you feel.

JasonPaul17 · 2021-05-25T00:13:38+00:00

Never put ya hands on your parents or any women. I learned this the hard way I grew up with angry issues myself.

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Vegetable-Ad5980 · 2021-05-25T01:08:46+00:00

He deserved it. Don’t listen to this dudes saying punching him was the wrong thing. A lot of these dudes here Are pseudo intellectual feminine non confrontational cowards who’d piss themselves in a actual situation.

He ruined a big and arguably the most important part of your life which was your youth and self development. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY. He sounds like the classic narcissistic abusive parent who gaslights and manipulated you.

What he did was disrespectful to the extreme and just cause he’s your father that shouldn’t be allowed. If any other person did this this would be grounds for fighting. He basically took advantage of you at your most vulnerable moments and humiliated you. Do you know how horrible that sounds.

Your a grown man now and if he can’t respect your boundaries then going no contact was the right thing especially for your mental and overall health.

My advice ask to go to family counciling later on or have a 1 on 1 talk with your old man and if he refuses to respect your boundaries or go to counciling leave and create your own life.

callthedopeman · 2021-05-25T01:09:56+00:00

You only attacked him because this was extremely emotional for you. It was deeply rooted... your actions are understandable.

Doesn't matter if you're in the right or wrong... it's over now, and he understands not to do that fucking horseshit again. I bet it felt good to punch him. Good on you. Fuck people that want to put you down.

jjj2576 · 2021-05-25T00:10:38+00:00

Hard Truth: You were in your Dad’s Frame. Assaulting someone is no way to pass a Shit Test.

You could’ve boundary set and moved on. You took the Frameless way out— can’t blame your daddy for that one.

Cedalito · 2021-05-25T00:26:00+00:00

Punching him must've felt really good. I have a narcissistic jerk of a father and have actually dreamt about beating him, but I still live with and attacking him would be a HUGE mistake, mainly because I still depend on him for some things. Do you still live with yours? If yes, then this can be a problem (because you might be homeless), if no, then less so and going NC will probably be ok.

In the future, avoid using violence unless you are being or about to be attacked. Nothing good will come from it. Also, you father sounds like a major POS, so he is not going to apologize or change. Just distance yourself from him.

SatyaNi · 2021-05-25T00:39:17+00:00

You did well punching him. And you did well cutting them out.

Now, don’t ever let you be in a situation where you might go full « Rocky » again.

It always be detrimental to you.

It is just that your father had it coming.

And you probably need this, this one time.

AlphaBetaSigmaDelta · 2021-05-25T00:31:33+00:00

Next him

usedtimecapsule · 2021-05-25T00:59:23+00:00

Sounds like he deserved it. Seriously, he needed to be taught a lesson. I’m not an advocate for violence, but bullies who verbally abuse people sometimes only learn when they are physically beaten up. Physical violence will always triumph verbal abuse. Sadly you will be seen as the crazy one.

I have a narcissist as a father and have my fair share of stories. Super insecure and not a role model.

BajaGhia · 2021-05-25T00:53:47+00:00

Pics?

immatonton · 2021-05-25T05:21:09+00:00

I often think about what I could do to a person. I don’t actually do it, though. I hope to keep it that way. There are many reasons why: my freedom is nice, I don’t want anyone to get hurt or possibly even killed (because shit happens), and more. Men should be able to defend themselves, but not push an envelope of violence, especially if the other party is not necessarily looking for that. Even if they are, if removing yourself from the situation is an option, take it. Anything else is a matter of ego or emotion and odds are you will suffer for it.

One thing I’ve been working on lately, not responding to things from a place of emotion. I’ve said that I aspire to be a thick, hard slab of steel when it comes to my emotions when I’m around women. Though, that’s to say that I hope to be completely without feeling. Withhold any pain, problems, or negativity in general and use positive emotions as a reward, in a sense. Though, while also remembering to have fun and live the life I want to live for no one’s sake but my own.

Anyway, what I’m saying is that you emotionally responded to the situation, rather than, yeah, taking a very rational look at your father as a toxic influence in your life and cut him out. Not from a place of anger or resentment, but simply because he’s not adding any value, in fact takes value away, and you have no time for people that do not add value to your life.

This is difficult, because we’re emotional creatures, really. I am not perfect, nor you, nor anyone else here. We all have imperfections. We all slip and fall. There’s an emotional bone in every person’s body, unless you have a real, verifiable mental disorder. We all feel, or we should. That said, just do your best.

I’m finding that life is much about your emotional control in situations, wearing masks, and being very choosy with your words or use of silence (because silence can be a great response).

Keep working hard in life, make money, train combat sports for defense, and generally build your life up and build yourself, inside and out. In time, everyone’s inner game should be through the roof, because it’s literally just thinking. Force yourself to think in new ways. I used to hate myself, but then realized I have a few good things going on for me and other things that I could work on, so I started working on them. Fast forward a couple years later, I’m doing well for myself. There’s room for more improvement, but I definitely still feel like a catch, at this point. There are so many simps, people with poor fashion or grooming issues, men that are super lewd or abrasive with women, etc.

Having average looks and intelligence, good hygiene, decent sense of fashion, and at least some game, that goes a long way these days. Beyond that, things like ambitions outside of work or education, meaningful hobbies, or a strong career path. Also, this goes both ways. A lot of women are just pretty, and that’s it. For some guys, that’s fine. That’s what they want. A housewife. Props if they’re nice and genuine girls. Though, I just say that to remind the guys that need reminding, ignore her beauty. Don’t care how pretty she is. Don’t you dare let her know by saying some dumb shit, like “oh, I think you’re so pretty,” like she hasn’t heard it a million times. My point is, see what else the girl has to offer. She what she’s like to talk to. Do you even like her? Because you are the prize. If you’re not getting interest from women, it’s because you’re not the prize (yet). Keep working. Validation from women isn’t the ultimate goal in life anyway.

Anyway, I’ll shut up...

_elpolloloco · 2021-05-25T10:07:48+00:00

Fuck that guy. Maybe not punch him. But he sounds as a narcissist. NC is the way to go as you are responsible for your own happiness. Do not accept people who purposefully step over your boundaries.

Good luck and strength towards your recovery.

dr_warlock · 2021-05-25T07:49:43+00:00

Lol at these holier than thou keyboard buddhists. Its the ultimate betrayal. He deserved worse.

chodoboy86 · 2021-05-25T02:51:41+00:00

There's absolutely nothing wrong with standing up to bullies and cutting them out of your life. Toxic people bring you down and you should try to surround yourself with people that bring you up.

I cut off my Mum years ago and I'm happy about it. I wouldn't do it but she deserves to be punched her in the face.

xxx69harambe69xxx · 2021-05-25T04:11:18+00:00

if laws didnt exist...

Herdsengineers · 2021-05-25T12:51:50+00:00

Hitting was a loss of composure. Although, in a way he did deserve some level of consequence for being such a dick to you growing up.

You're learning to stand up to up to his abuse now. Don't think too harshly of yourself now for hitting him (if you do at all). Think of it as learning a new skill - holding boundaries while also maintaining self control, composure, and grace under fire in situations that distress you. It's like learning a new tennis swing - if you get the skill right at first, you keep learning and practicing and getting better until you are better at said skill, and in the process you don't think badly of yourself because you don't start off good at it. Like everything else, the growth you are trying to achieve takes work and time.

In the future, handling it the same way you would a girl that's being a bitch would work. Deny them your presence. Don't be around them. Don't interact. End the interaction when they start acting poorly. Simply don't tolerate it in your life. Usually, people like your dad hardly ever, if ever at all, admit "oh shit, i was wrong all those years." You end up needing to set your own boundary for you and to hell with what they think or if they try to convince you that you are wrong.

He fucked with you as kid when you were a captive audience and couldn't get away. Now you are able to not be in that situation, so don't be there. And simply tell him (and your mother) that you're not going to be in that situation again. If he won't stop, if he can't realize what he's doing is hurtful and wrong, if he can't change and try to make amends, then you are going to not be around him so he can't do it anymore. Being your dad doesn't mean you have to eat shit from him. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to let them hurt you.

Expect push back and them minimizing - "oh it wasn't that bad" and "you're overreacting". Simply say "I'm serious and until you accept it and start taking it seriously, you won't be seeing me." And then hold the line and don't give in. It's not about punishing them in kind now. It's not about anger towards them. It's simple self respect and self preservation. This won't help the anger and bad feelings that you will still harbor and feel. That will need more time to let go of, and you let go you need to do. It's for your own peace of mind, not for them, that way it doesn't eat you up inside. And it won't happen overnight.

Title	Punched my father in the face and cut him out. Am I in the right or wrong?
Author	ShitInMyAssPlz
Upvotes	18
Comments	90
Date	May 25, 2021 12:06 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/nkc6ox/punched_my_father_in_the_face_and_cut_him_out_am/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/punched-my-father-in-the-face-and-cut-him-out-am-i.756256 https://theredarchive.com/post/756256

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