When I was a kid, my mum had a boyfriend. He was the first one after she divorced my dad and he was an asshole. But I didn’t think much of it.

But after growing up she told me the truth- he had been physically abusive. He never did it when my brother and I were around, so I was never aware. She told me he’d also break things and push her into walls. And once grabbed her by the hair and dragged her along. He’d also threaten to destroy her things and even her house once when they were arguing while I was there.

I remember her putting me in the car and staying outside to argue with him. So I never heard and I never knew.

Despite all of this, she still expressed sympathy for him when talking about it because he had a rough childhood. I can’t remember exactly what but I was fucking appalled.

I cannot believe someone hurt my mum like that and that she’d still have sympathy for a literal abuser. And she said the only reason she left was because she couldn’t let him hurt my brother and I. I still don’t know how to process this but I’m just so glad she’s safe and okay now. I’m glad he’s been out of our life for years.

Apart from that I recently learnt about a childhood friend who was physically abused by his dad when he travelled interstate to see him. The dad would also physically hurt the mum too.

Another mother of a guy I went to school with was also in a physically abusive relationship before meeting her now husband.

And if that’s not enough another female relative on my mums side of the family had an abusive husband.

It’s fucking everywhere.

I grew up thinking it was so rare and yet so many women I knew had been through it. Its disturbing as fuck and I don’t even know how to process it.

I’ve gotten so paranoid and guarded lately. I don’t want any men in my life. I just want to be alone with me mum and some friends.