Tldr; (23F) never orgasmed in my life and feel bad because it makes my bf(28M) feel like he's "not enough for me" or "a bad lover", in his words.

I'm glad i found this sub, it reflects this particular sentiment. I'm feeling like I'm not doing my part in the relationship trade: good sex vs LTR, putting it simply.

Of course I don't owe him anything, but I would really like to offer a good sex life, especially because he gives so much emotionally.

I guess the root of the problem lies in my sexuality being kind of vestigial. I try masturbating but it doesnt do anything. I'm not and rarely have been attracted to anyone except for my bf. And this year, he has been gaining a little bit of weight and i hate to admit it, but it does turn me off.

We have been together for 2 years. He is the only real sexual experience I had, not counting my drunk weird experimental encounters. In the first 8 months, I often forced myself to have sex when he initiated it. At that time I was too insecure to verbalize my discomfort. He did not ever put pressure on me or make me feel guilty. I think he could simply not tell I was not feeling good about it. The relationship was superficial, I think we both were unable to commit at that time and we didn't know what we wanted. After 8 months I stopped sleeping with him, when I didnt want to.

Eventually, we started talking about our feelings and the relationship and our needs. I told him, that I am not sure I enjoy sex or want it and offered to end it then and there, but he didn't want to. I asked how he can stay in a relationship that doesn't fulfill the sexual needs and he said, it's not that important to him. I have a hard time believing that because he gets aroused like all the time, must be frustrating to not get off.

From there on, we built a wonderful loving relationship and ironically, it was trust and the emotional connection and talking about my sexual confusion that was required to develop sexual attraction and pleasure, and our sex life improved drastically. I can actually feel myself getting aroused now and am initiating it often, it's wild.

Still, I'm not cumming and I'm usually enjoying it for only the first 10 minutes and then it becomes kind of mechanical, sometimes even painful. I dont have any sexual fantasies to dive into and my overthinking usually killy my excitement early on. I think it's a matter of time and keep trying. Just like I changed from last year, I might be orgasming all the time next year. It's just shitty rn feeling like I'm frustrating him and he is so nice about it and tells me not to apologise and puts the blame on him.

Doesnt help that I have low self-esteem and body issues like i feel ugly and disgusting most of the time and again he is so patient and compliments me everyday and it helps, I wish I could give back more. It feels like he should be with someone else who makes him happier.