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EarlyEndTimes
[–]Typo-MAGAshivfashionably late asshole - "fucker beat me to it!"[M] [score hidden] 5 years ago stickied comment (3 children) | Copy Link
Decent post, OP. I flaired it "Friendzone Fiona" as that fits her more than bailout, though "Bailout Beluga" is a good title, especially for its added alliterative appeal.
A Friendzone Fiona like her is likely to use you as a free babysitter.
[–]justreallylazy 49 points50 points51 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How does she think she can go out when there are five money devouring parasites?
[–]boihuh58 30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And that’s where the man or guy comes in with HIS wallet
[–]michael1962-01 33 points34 points35 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Smoking weed while fingering herself (420) is a definite role model for the 5 children.
[–]InevitableOwl1Bullet dodged him. 23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
If she is for real then surely the main criticism is the she is on the wrong app?
But it doesn’t make sense. She wants exclusively male friends whose first reason for selecting her is appearance (or ease of fucking)
Really weird.
[–]Duplicarus 23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
She’s needs to be on PoF (Plenty of Whales), they all seem to congregate there
[–]TraksimussJr. Hamster Analyst 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I agree, on PoF she will feel at home.
[–]mustangfrankSlick Willy peddlin' a broken hamster wheel 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She would eat all the fish.
[+]anykah_baduopen-minded, not-easily-offended wahmyns -11 points-10 points-9 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Actually lots of straight women are looking for platonic (female) friends on Tinder, sometimes exclusively. She put her sexual orientation in there, so I'd bet she's in that category too
[–]Godlikebuthumble 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sure they are.
[–]EarlyEndTimes[S] 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Come on, man. You believe that line? Who told you that?
[–]InevitableOwl1Bullet dodged him. 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But I assume the person who posted this was a guy who found her profile? By searching for women who are interested in men
I didn't know this though
[–]Duplicarus 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Who gave this wilderbeast 5 kids, we gotta have a talk. Doing some monkey double back flips on my mans without the trashbag on 🤦🏽♂️
[–]Loud-Bottle-7879 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Interests....astrology....Disney....run away.
[–]Joaquino7997 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
She can't possibly be the mother of 5 humans because she has time to go out and smoke weed. She MUST be a mother of 5 cats, right???
[–]DankCommander7 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She doesnt go out to smoke weed. Picture two brothers fighting the sister crying one kid missing and the little one latched to her tit while shes on the couch with a blunt in her mouth.
[–]upsidedownbackwardsI like a nithe rathberry thpritzther 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I see her as a bong user. I can't imagine trying to roll anything with those sausage fingers. Also that takes slightly more work and she's definitely an easy-street ho.
[–]YouSaidChickenMurderer of Feminists (um, but with words) 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sixth time that charm?
[–]loneliness-incLvL 99 Rogue NiceGuy™ 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Imagine face-sitting with her...
That's one way to die 😂
Oh right, she isn't looking for hookups. Phew.
[–]Melek_Taus666 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That is quite masochistic imagining things like that, I imagine it would be dripping like an old leaky water pipe
[–]loneliness-incLvL 99 Rogue NiceGuy™ 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
More like an oil spill!
[–]Mister_McDerp 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That title. Nice.
[–]DrDog09 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I'm not looking for hookups"
Thank God, I don't want one with you.
[–]CondensedBemusement 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A 39 year old who has listed one of her interests as Disney?
Astrology is bad enough ... but DISNEY?
Granted she's got 5 rug rats, so doubtless Disney is playing constantly so she doesn't have to burden herself with being an actual mother ... but that's for the fucking KIDS ... not you.
And cut down on the 420 ... you look like you're one session of the munchies short of a coronary.
[–]YouPeopleAreGarbage 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🎶 Bailout beluga you're too good for me,
Loves tattoos and astrology,
Must be 6 foot, not an inch below,
And wealthy and fit to spoil this ho,
Bailout beluga, bailout beluga,
Life is a shitstorm,
Luck stay at home mom of 5 babies...
[–]styckxI was banned but I'm back bitches 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Is she wearing the same tarp I use to cover up a classic automobile that is never going to be restored and just wasting away?
[–]warlocc_Jr. Hamster Analyst 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks, now I gotta go tune up my truck. It's been sitting in storage way too long.
[–]Melek_Taus666 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She's not looking for hookups! Thank the lord!
[–]MelkorHimself 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
In my experience the disclaimer "not looking for hookups" really means "I smash on the first date".
[–]Typo-MAGAshivfashionably late asshole - "fucker beat me to it!" 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh yeah, and they usually initiate!
[–]Miggymoggy 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'd bet a whole years wage that this failure of a woman still does extremely well on dating sites compared to your everyday decent average childless man.
Dating sites for men are about as useful as a fisherman trying to catch fish on a landfill.
[–]EffectiveBlackCat 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They are garbage for average men in predominantly fat countries like usa. In some East European cities you can match with thin women as an average guy.
[–]mustangfrankSlick Willy peddlin' a broken hamster wheel 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The sad thing is some man will take her up.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
40.
Obese.
5 kids.
I rate this one 1/10.
[–]meeritaJr. Hamster Analyst 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
she's a mother of 5 adults that are still inside her.
Looks like the last guy to bang her actually climbed into her and fell asleep, like a bird in nesting box.
[–]Typo-MAGAshivfashionably late asshole - "fucker beat me to it!" 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bailout beluga on the O-L-D
Swipe so wild and you swipe so free
Looking for love? Or just friends? That blows
And your kids are your world, I suppose
Bailout beluga, bailout beluga
Thinks that she's a boss
Bailout beluga
"Boss lady at home" you'll never be happy
Edit: shit, /u/YouPeopleAreGarbage beat me to it, fucker!
[–]Old_snowboarder 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Looks like all five kids are still in there waiting to pop out.
[–]AldabruzzoNo busted Pillsbury biscuit cans 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Bailout Beluga"
I can't stop laughing
Just how big of a hook would she need?
[–]plz_say_sike 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“Boss Lady at At Home”
Why be a functioning member of society when you can just live off of the child support you get from the 5 dudes that wanted to bust a quick nut but ended becoming fathers.
[–]atmus11 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Only hook up id do with her is my personal trainer and her..
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow! Just wow! She's yuge!
[–]incarnate1On probation until July 31. 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow, five kids?! Imagine the food budget alone 🤣
[–]LameadorJr. Hamster Analyst 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great catch from u/achab
[–]Ivan_The_Reddish 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm pretty sure that's a dude.
[–]NoonTimeHoopsMVP 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Those five kids are doomed.
[–]Reptar313 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This looks like a post in r/mirrorsforsale
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[–]Typo-MAGAshivfashionably late asshole - "fucker beat me to it!"[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]justreallylazy 49 points50 points51 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]boihuh58 30 points31 points32 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]michael1962-01 33 points34 points35 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]InevitableOwl1Bullet dodged him. 23 points24 points25 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Duplicarus 23 points24 points25 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TraksimussJr. Hamster Analyst 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mustangfrankSlick Willy peddlin' a broken hamster wheel 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]anykah_baduopen-minded, not-easily-offended wahmyns -11 points-10 points-9 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Godlikebuthumble 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]EarlyEndTimes[S] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]InevitableOwl1Bullet dodged him. 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Duplicarus 22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Loud-Bottle-7879 16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Joaquino7997 15 points16 points17 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]DankCommander7 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]upsidedownbackwardsI like a nithe rathberry thpritzther 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]YouSaidChickenMurderer of Feminists (um, but with words) 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]loneliness-incLvL 99 Rogue NiceGuy™ 12 points13 points14 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Melek_Taus666 12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]loneliness-incLvL 99 Rogue NiceGuy™ 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mister_McDerp 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DrDog09 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CondensedBemusement 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]YouPeopleAreGarbage 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]styckxI was banned but I'm back bitches 8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]warlocc_Jr. Hamster Analyst 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Melek_Taus666 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MelkorHimself 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Typo-MAGAshivfashionably late asshole - "fucker beat me to it!" 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Miggymoggy 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]EffectiveBlackCat 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mustangfrankSlick Willy peddlin' a broken hamster wheel 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]meeritaJr. Hamster Analyst 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]EffectiveBlackCat 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Typo-MAGAshivfashionably late asshole - "fucker beat me to it!" 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Old_snowboarder 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AldabruzzoNo busted Pillsbury biscuit cans 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]plz_say_sike 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]atmus11 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]incarnate1On probation until July 31. 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LameadorJr. Hamster Analyst 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ivan_The_Reddish 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NoonTimeHoopsMVP 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Reptar313 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link