Would you date a man who makes less than you? How much less?

SuitablePerformance3 · 2021-06-22T01:53:09+00:00

OP, next time post dating question to r /askFDS, thank you.

lunarfulminate · 2021-06-22T01:30:30+00:00

No. If they can't manage to out-earn me when sexism constantly works in men's favour, then it says to me they are coasting through life and not in the habit of maintaining their relationships. I don't want to babysit someone with that passive energy when I've had to work against the odds and suffer the indignities I've had to get what I have.

Platipus6 · 2021-06-22T01:35:04+00:00

Is he able to step up and provide if you have kids?

Has he let you know of his plans to improve his situation?

Otherwise, you've simply informed him of your standards, you're not compatible, move on.

frustratedanon123 · 2021-06-22T01:19:26+00:00

No. When I've given lower earning men a chance they have always spit my success back in my face one way or another. Either they cheat due to feeling insecure or they engage in constant negging of your career.

radical__daphne · 2021-06-22T01:44:54+00:00

Absolutely not. With the wage gap he should make at least 25% more than I do.

denimlace · 2021-06-22T01:15:05+00:00

No. Some blue collar guys make a killing anyway. I would only date my salary or higher. I am not compromising my standard of living.

proudpine · 2021-06-22T01:14:38+00:00

No ma’am.

23eggz · 2021-06-22T01:37:02+00:00

In the past before fds I had only dated guys with less money than me but they always mooched off me one way or another so now I will only consider a guy who makes more

DisastrousSundae · 2021-06-22T01:42:28+00:00

I personally would not. Where you live also is a huge factor. If you're in Los Angeles making $100k/yr and he's making $50k/yr with no sign of significantly increasing his income in the future, I would consider it a red flag.

My brother makes less income than his wife, but he is a genuine stay at home dad where he does the vast majority of the child rearing while his wife works most of the day. He makes sure everything is clean and dinner is ready before she gets home. But that's rare.

That said, it sounds like you already told him your standard, he doesn't meet it, so move on.

orangechickengeneral · 2021-06-22T01:51:13+00:00

No. I dated people who made less than me and I regretted it every single time. I felt like I had to apologize for my success to make him feel better. I got told how to spend MY money. I got yelled at when I had to stay late at work. It doesn't work. Every single time the guy felt threatened and emasculated and punished me for it.

fds3v3ryday · 2021-06-22T01:52:32+00:00

No. I made that mistake and I'm now divorced. We were in the same field and he caught up with my earnings over time. I wanted to keep leveling up and try other opportunities but I was limited by his lack of motivation and no goal, gamer life outside of 9-5 hours at work. No interest in moving more than 10 mins away from his parents etc. He would constantly neg me that I'm selfish and only want money when I communicated 1000s of time that it's because I've no support system and I need to build my own financial independence and my goal is to retire early.

So I've realized if he was someone with real potential, he would have used it already.

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Comfortable_Peak_741 · 2021-06-22T01:39:41+00:00

I am LITERALLY going thru the same thing, AGAIN. Last relationship with a blue collar worker (arborist, laborer) did not work out. He lived a very low quality life. Big warehouse living space but no running water or electricity. It was fun to play loud music there but I realized how awful this was esp after 2.75 months. I think I was mainly just lonely and he seemed okay enough at the time. I had an RV parked there that kind of helped. But I realized this wasn't the life I wanted and the break up was rough and I had to move across the country to avoid fear of abuse. Luckily there is no way he has enough money to scrape enough change to stalk me here as well as he has an older dog that he hardly takes care of holding him to my prior state. I recently started seeing a blue collar worker in my new state (a welder) whom is also working pizza delivery on the side. I am afraid this is probably a case of the same thing. I work a white collar job. On unemployment now cause of downsize in the pandemic but getting back to my career very soon. I would actually be OK with always having my own separate apartment because tech jobs are work from home. I can definitely use this as an excuse to never move in with a guy. But I can already feel resentments because I feel that he expects me to be more of a Barbara the builder type and he's very insecure, constantly texting me. I'm not really sure what to do either. Do I keep dating him and just explain that I will always have my own apartment and place for work reasons that must be separate from husband's home? I have also thought about contacting my cousin about various prenuptial agreements in case down the line he asks me to marry him. Basically I am ok living my life totally separate. And I want to adopt kids in my 40s. But he seems to want a "family" but all while not having the means to actually pay and have a family if you know what I mean. Keep him around or let him go? Not sure either sis

londochig · 2021-06-22T01:49:01+00:00

I would strongly advise against dating a guy who makes significantly less than you do. You're in the honeymoon stages right now. But it could make you resentful when reality hits, because you will definitely have to compromise on your standard of living. And you have way more to lose. Also never tell a man how much you make. I always tell them 50% less than what I actually make. He may be a great guy, but bear in mind that people can change. Men can be absolute leeches. Please be careful. I'm not saying this is going to be the case with him. But it's just something to keep in mind. Also most men who do make more and then their female counterparts are not generous and still make them go 50/50. So just be weary of the fact that it makes him feel a certain type of way that you make more money.

Title	Would you date a man who makes less than you? How much less?
Author	rivdidit
Upvotes	3
Comments	15
Date	June 22, 2021 1:12 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o5andp/would_you_date_a_man_who_makes_less_than_you_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/would-you-date-a-man-who-makes-less-than-you-how.785801 https://theredarchive.com/post/785801

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