How do you avoid becoming bitter?

Acbc0077 · 2021-03-12T06:52:41+00:00

Taking time off reddit and FDS, learning to think via the laws of attraction and kind of subtly accepting the fact that things won't always be perfect for us maybe for others we see or hear about. Because once we see it here, we cannot unsee it anymore. It is everywhere. How easily we can see it now. We need breaks from discussing about misogyny so we don't become too hateful. That shits gono hurt us more than anyone. And our closest people, it sucks to hear someone complaint and rant about something a lot, a even if valid topic.

OkChocolate7617 · 2021-03-12T05:10:56+00:00

I’m interested to see what others have to say.

I’m personally already v disillusioned, but the good thing is it comes in waves. Last year was really bad bc BLM brought out the worst performative allyship, and it was v triggering.

What helped was 1. Taking huge chunks of breaks from social media. Temporarily deactivate accounts if you’re addicted. 2. Finding a few people you trust to spend time with (helps if you don’t talk about anything negative and try to just focus on positively being present in the relationship). Also helps if they’re women/ppl who will not trigger you or are fake-woke (the true energy-suckers). 3. Trusting that your bitterness can coexist with being cheerful. 4. Finding ways to get involved in the community, especially to fix some of the things I’m bitter about. It helps if I’m doing my part. And it also helps you find like-minded, passionate ppl.

yangoseed · 2021-03-12T07:58:31+00:00

I swear I wanted to ask this same question a few weeks ago. So far, I just try to remember there’s so much happiness to be found outside of romantic relationships and men. I’m still working on it myself though

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2021-03-12T14:43:14+00:00

Idk I kind of think becoming bitter is good. Because you WILL bounce back. We all crave affection and human contact. Very few people become so bitter they cut everyone off for forever.

I got super duper bitter after a extremely fucked up and abusive relationship. And through therapy it went away (mostly).

I'm more suspicious and critical than I was pre-bitterness, but those traits have kept me safe. I've also learned to love and appreciate GOOD people who don't agree with me on everything. And I stand up for myself WAY more. I get so angry when men try to take advantage, and I just don't let them.

I think becoming bitter might put you in a dark place for a while, but you'll bounce back, and you'll be smarter for it.

Fitncurly · 2021-03-12T17:44:49+00:00

Use your newfound knowledge to light the fires of ambition and happiness in your life. If men and the world would love nothing more than to crush women, take immense glee in living your best life and rubbing it in their faces. You can’t unlearn the truth, but you can use it to set you free.

DifferentBar6 · 2021-03-12T21:22:32+00:00

Bitter? I feel freed.

WGTOW, essentially.

Mind-Objective · 2021-03-12T05:59:39+00:00

What are you doing right now to bide your time?

the_jaywalker · 2021-03-12T17:20:15+00:00

I don't think the end result needs to be us becoming jaded and/or bitter, but I have been there. It happens as a natural result of the abuse women suffer at the hands of society. It can wax and wane.

However, we need to do things we enjoy and be in spaces of loving growth. Body-positive yoga communities, for example. Personally, I live my life and enjoy my friends and trust in the universe. I cultivate myself and work on having undying compassion for all.

I have faith that I will find an equal partner because I will settle for no less. If somehow he doesn't come around I'll just have fun dating. I'm willing to die not having a romantic partner for my values and beliefs. I'm not willing to compromise. I've learned, one day at a time, to live for my own emotional nourishment.

I think the point is to not waste so much time. We can cut people off quicker with no emotional ties, regrets, or sense of responsibility for their feelings. We can accept that we are not here for men's consumption. We can understand the ravings of misogyny as a lower form of understanding - true ignorance that is not our responsibility to shoulder.

We can unlearn so many toxic messages in society and become comfortable in ourselves. We can value ourselves more than we ever have. The more we refuse to have people in our life that suck us dry, the more room there is for the people that won't.

Most men won't make the cut and that's ok. It's not bad or good, it's just how it is.

Also all the "Scrotes Mad" or "Male Depravity" and whatever need to chill LOL. I can't stomach that all day every day. I'm barely on Reddit most of the time, but I'll come on here and there and take what I can gain from it.

dancedancedance83 · 2021-03-13T02:00:23+00:00

Well, Alanis Morissette didn't thank disillusionment for nothing. Sometimes, you gotta lean into it.

For me, I had to get really bitter in order to get better. I think in a way, learning FDS over the past year forced me to go through the grieving process of what is essentially becoming more and more of my past life as I start a new one. I legitimately thought I had to put up with mistreatment and be a human blow up doll in order to be happy or to "secure" a relationship :( That's how low I thought of myself and other people. And that alone made me (unconsciously) bitter for a really long time. The added layer of bitterness was realizing with FDS, in a nutshell, that my naïveté was essentially by society's design. And that it was my responsibility to get out of that.

I had to grieve all of my relationships that I've had thus far and also learn to forgive my younger, teenaged/early 20s self for thinking and acting in such a toxic way. I was really angry at men for the first time and started to recognize PickMe behavior that is normalized and felt disgusted. I mean, the things people do are straight up audacious and once you know it/see it, it can't be ignored anymore. But that comes with a price, too. It made me feel pretty much helpless and forever alone because with a healthy self esteem and firm boundaries, how can you have friends when all of them seem to settle and you're belittled as a lonely spinster? How can you get a boyfriend if most men suck? Is being a HVM a myth or is this something that's actually real and attainable? How can you live a happy life when society says you are nothing if you're not dating or in a relationship? Am I ever going to get my picket fence, 2.5 kids, husband AND my high powered job??? That alone deserves a good, long cry. Challenging all of that and seeing the world without rose colored glasses is like a death/grieving process.

Though the bitterness, though, I've learned kindness and respect. I've learned humanity. I've learned humility. I was denying myself (and others) of that when I was operating out of a PickMe mindset. I learned to be more empathetic and emotionally intelligent. I also learned boundaries a sense of calm within myself because I was honoring me for me for the first time. It has been hard losing friends or just simply seeing that the people in my life aren't aware of their toxicity, but in that, I've either learned to accept and place a boundary or cut bait and move on. I now know that I want to be with a good man and not just a man and I'm willing to wait for that and to be treated well. That I deserve to be treated well, and that I can celebrate that I am able to hold my own as a woman. As far as the past, I wish I could go back and thank the handful of HV people (yes, men and women) who were sprinkled in my life that did treat me with kindness, dignity and respect when I straight up had no understanding or grace in order to receive it. I'm now more grateful for them as well as the ones who showed me who they really are too because in the end, I learned to grow from that to want better. Your equilibrium will balance with time, too.

For me, working through the bitterness helped me find my spirit again as a whole person. Someone who had a will to live and who is full of love, who holds a positive mindset most of the time, though takes absolutely no shit. Actually, I was just telling my therapist this... I'm more eager to find like-minded people instead of fake friends and abusers, jump into old and new hobbies, take better care of myself (mentally, spiritually, physically-- eating better, staying off of social media, learning better coping skills), speaking better to and about myself, actually get a plan going for my master's, planning out things in my life that I wanted to do and actually doing them-- I think that's what you should do too when you're starting to feel bitter. It may just be an internal alarm system that's telling you to give more time and energy into yourself and to your needs.

So I think this is a "take the good with the bad" kind of situation. And in this case, you learn more than you think. And btw, I don't think FDS is perfect either. I am a WOC and some of the feminism write ups don't really resonate to women of my race or culture because the treatment is vastly different and a lot of times worse. Some of the "throw rocks at Pickmeisha" posts are too much IMO-- sometimes, we can just swerve on them and keep it moving. I generally ignore the Scrotes Mad posts. I think it's smart to take what you can learn from others as best as it applies to your life and for your benefit. So it's ok to supplement other spaces and areas that also positively pour into you too. But please, take no shit. Do what you feel is best for your growth and mental health. Hope this helps.

d-xoxo · 2021-03-12T17:52:30+00:00

IN GENERAL:

Having strong self-esteem and boundaries are the best repellants to men who want to use and abuse you while also allowing you to retain the qualities about yourself that you love: cheerfulness, passion etc.

ABOUT FDS:

I think limit what and how much of it you consume.

I've shielded myself from Reddit for the most part (not very interested outside of the astrology/spirituality stuff/FDS) but there are posts on FDS that are mortifying (it's good they are being shared but it can really make you too jaded and suspicious).

Also, we are all individuals and don't need to aspire to be anything that we aren't just to fit into a groupthink narrative (any group comes with its pros and cons). I really respect the FDS handbook and so many gems posted there. I will say when I constantly read negative (in the sense that they are jarring) posts about how shitty men are, it gets to be too much for me to see on a daily and consistent basis. I don't want to constantly live in a state of outrage and give undue attention to all the horrible things men do and the myriad ways of their doing it. I know it's out there and will only be dealing with the forms of it that affect me and how to heal myself to prevent it from poisoning my life... but internalizing this darkness and stewing in it is not the answer.

Title	How do you avoid becoming bitter?
Author	autumnxo92
Upvotes	78
Comments	13
Date	March 12, 2021 4:31 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/m39q45/how_do_you_avoid_becoming_bitter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/how-do-you-avoid-becoming-bitter.792401 https://theredarchive.com/post/792401

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