Thoughts on dating men without fathers

miwamus · 2021-07-16T14:47:28+00:00

I can’t say that there is a pattern, except for having a better experience with men that were raised by a strong single mother.

sassyheather · 2021-07-16T14:43:35+00:00

My ex was raised by his mom and didn’t like his dad, claiming to have had a bad relationship for most of his life and only recently starting to mend it. Said ex was also babied by his “mommy” as he called her and raised to think he was some sort of a king, because his mother put him on a pedestal his whole life. Hard pass.

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-07-16T14:48:54+00:00

Bad experience. They often don’t want to be fathers themselves because they claim not to know how a dad should behave.

I was raised with married parents and I attract men without fathers too. Not sure why.

katiekat0214 · 2021-07-16T15:42:39+00:00

Lots of thoughts here. First husband had a rather tragic childhood. On top of his being ace/aro, and not knowing himself at all, a few facts about him in no certain order:

-- father died before he was born

-- mother married the first guy who would take her, very pregnant, in 1958, in Appalachian Ohio

-- stepfather beat P, and told him he was "gay" for liking animals and liking to read (so sad)

-- treated literally like a red-headed stepchild, esp by older step-brothers who were extremely competitive

-- P's hip came out of socket, and he had surgery when he was in teens, I think. Made him walk with a limp and limited his mobility

One day we got a call, and this strange voice asked for P, who got on the phone, made noncommittal noises, and hung up. I could tell something was off, and there was mixed anger and sadness and resentment just boiling out of the back room. I asked what was going on, and he said his stepfather had died. I immediately said, OMG, so sorry, let's get your bag packed and call for a reservation. Nothing doing. He said flatly, he was glad the SOB was dead; he was not going back for any funeral, and he hoped he rotted in hell.

I was stunned. In my family when someone dies, you drop everything, go to the funeral, support survivors, and make yourself available to help out as needed. Life just... went on. I knew then without a doubt that P's family had been really messed up, esp when he told me he left home at 17.

The lack of a biological father impacted him as well as a toxic, dysfunctional step-father who was uneducated, homophobic, mean, and resentful of P's very existence. I'm sure all of this contributed to P's being closed off, super guarded, and only capable of very limited love. This is toxic masculinity all around.

vforvendetta87 · 2021-07-16T14:51:52+00:00

Most men I’ve dated grew up either without a father or a father who was abusive and/or emotionally absent from the family. It shows. Stay far away.

Volperossa_ · 2021-07-16T15:37:01+00:00

I saw a TikTok the other day that mentioned that a lot of men who are raised by strong single mothers tend to project that onto their partners. They expect their partners to also do everything because that’s the type of woman they’ve seen. It made a lot of sense

AntiqueGhost13 · 2021-07-16T15:56:32+00:00

I recently came to the realization that I have a pattern of attraction to men with a history of poor relationships with their fathers or grew up without them entirely. They've all had severe emotional issues that they weren't willing to work through, and it manifested in their crappy treatment of women.

Title	Thoughts on dating men without fathers
Author	90860008
Upvotes	16
Comments	11
Date	July 16, 2021 2:41 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oli6og/thoughts_on_dating_men_without_fathers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/thoughts-on-dating-men-without-fathers.793053 https://theredarchive.com/post/793053

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