Why is there such a disconnect between the perception of marriage and the reality of it? Especially among women?

FlintAustin · 2019-12-22T14:29:23+00:00

For average females marriages had been about securing a provider in decades past but now a husband is seen as a start-over clearing-out their debauchery and indulgences before they are too old for even a beta to rationalize being with.

A female's dependence on the external and an inability to anchor to inner morals will always create a mammoth that is to be had and that will be expected from men.

Today a man marries because he is afraid of himself, like a female, and he can't stand being shamed so he decides to live out his life like a hybrid of a pet dog and work horse.

GlitchyBlasphemer · 2019-12-22T14:22:16+00:00

I blame Disney. Lol

SkidNutz · 2019-12-22T15:02:06+00:00

Because everything is expected of men, while women have very few expectations. Men are expected to go to work 60 hrs a week and still come home with the energy to help with the housework, the kids, and intuit any other needs she may have. This division of labor causes resentments to build up and sooner or later the man begins to crack under the strain; drinking, drugs, violence, and/or just plain old depression give her the ammo she needs to initiate a divorce where she is the victim. And while she's having an eat, pray, love moment somewhere while some random Chad is banging coins out of her ass like Mario bangs blocks the man is left to pick up the pieces of his life.

Squidpog · 2019-12-22T14:43:25+00:00

40% of first marriages end in divorce. Half of the remaining are unhappy but no one has the courage to end it. That leaves a small fraction that are actually successful, and most of those are partnerships rather than fairytale lives.

When will men figure this out? That they are better off without that particular institution?

FlyingSexistPig · 2019-12-22T15:48:09+00:00

It's not about happiness. The institution of marriage gives women financial security in exchange for (historically) fidelity. There's no more fidelity requirement, so now it's just free financial security.

50% of marriages work out. For those that do, it's great for the woman. 50% of them don't. The woman gets divorced and the courts award her money based on the current difference between what she makes and what her husband makes. This is a massive amount of money, so that even when she loses, she still wins.

Why wouldn't she want to get married?

30203forever · 2019-12-22T16:57:06+00:00

Marriage only works among the very rich &/or ultra-religious cults (i.e. Amish or Ultra-orthodox Jews) where it is still a property contract (i.e. the real marriage). In other words, among the people where women have lots to lose in case of divorce and not much to gain. In all other cases, it's basically a winning lottery ticket where the winners are the woman & her real Daddy-Husband (aka "The State") and the sucker is you. P.S. I do not understand where you're getting this idea that women believe that marriage is the happier place than it actually is. Yes, they are more than happy to steal you house, car & wallet followed by "I do not feel happy anymore so I have to steal your children too." It's a very basic scam that is working wonders on the men who're thinking with their dicks & there are lots of them still around. Check out the Briffault's law of biology & its corollaries because it's all there.

jacksawyer75 · 2019-12-22T17:49:28+00:00

2/3 marriages end in divorce. Would you get into a car that had a 2/3 chance of crashing? A restaurant where you had a 2/3 chance of getting poisoned?

JackSkell0255 · 2019-12-22T19:55:20+00:00

I think the perception is cracking in a more widespread fashion, and at an accelerated rate.

As more generations continue to witness and experience personally the downfall of marriage, their kids catch on. I am a Gen-X’er, my parents have (and continue to have) a successful marriage, so I tried it at 24. Mistake. Learned my lesson. If I had had sons (or I guess any children) they might have learned from this. I think the statistics that we are showing now for following generations demonstrate that marriage is failing as an institution and idea in a large way.

But, there will always be thirsty men, and women have evolved tactics in order to become married. As we have seen from other societal problems, unthinking people are going to make bad decisions.

Biology continues to remain a factor (even with the terrible American food), I compare it to the starving Africans who grew up starving and poor, and continue to have children of their own.

I will stipulate that some marriages do work over the long term.

And, worse, the economy has settled on a two-earner income household, which encourages cohabitation. Mercifully, I am seeing a trend for life simplification among single people.

I don’t have the answer, but we are seeing the trend for less marrying and less children, which would be positive, if I cared anything whatsoever for society and participating in it. My time window is drawing to a close, I just have some basic goals I want to accomplish before I die on my own terms.

MajIssuesCaptObvious · 2019-12-22T16:23:42+00:00

I think it's just coded in our biology to have a partner, and human culture has given it a sugar coating of human emotion (love/romance). Everyone just HOPES they end up happy thanks to the delusion of fairy tales and movies.

MarcusAurileus70 · 2019-12-22T21:13:54+00:00

Most women see marriage as an exchange. In return for providing them with physical protection; emotional and financial security and of course children they will let you - note the word ‘let’ - you fuck them. At the start they will let you fuck them a lot, some will fake the enjoyment to make sure you’re hooked. As time goes on they will grow fatter, bored and tell you they want less sex....that emotional connection is more important... they may even suggest seperate beds. They will make you feel guilty about wanting sex. They’ll say once a month should be enough. They will stop giving head. They’ll become a starfish in bed. Soon they will find someone who gives them the tingles or the feels. They will go on a diet and get in shape. They’ll start looking for a spark. They’ll stay with you for security and protection but will open wide for Chad. Marriage is a sham. It’s a rigged game. Know the odds. Gamble responsibly.

Phantom_Spark · 2019-12-23T10:37:05+00:00

People are pushing the traditional notions of marriage on you instead of the cold reality today. Now yes. Marriage used to push responsibility and thus success into a man because he married young and society was set up to promote and protect marriage. So if 2 similar people are going for a promotion... the married man should get it. We had to place rewards into our thinking to give the married man something extra. Why? Because he was supporting a family with his money.

However marriage has changed radically since the 1960’s to the point that it can’t be recognized. However people aren’t aware of this. Why? It’s not discussed in the mainstream. We lie and say how wonderful marriage is. And we promote single mothers as pillars of courage and success.

Just bring up the nasty truths about marriage and watch how most people say it won’t happen to you or just not to worry about it. If you flat out ask how to avoid such things and show situations where it looked like a nice healthy happy, well educated couple got together and things still went south they will have no response. They have a look on their face as if to say they can’t help you. But they will never admit that it’s a bad situation and perhaps men shouldn’t marry women. So you get silence.

RedPillMissionary · 2019-12-22T17:35:23+00:00

Our grandparents claim to have been happily married. Tv and movies perpetuate that fairy tale. The truth is, marriage changed drastically just in the last generation

SUEDE2BLACK · 2019-12-23T07:25:46+00:00

Hope.Women hope the marriage will be the fantasy they're taught.What else do they have.Women are biological driven to procreate with a strong supportive partner.Hope is the foundation of the fantasy.

If women didn't have hope that they could find a good man that will luve them and provide for them and their children.Then alot of them would loose their shit.

Many women who have lost hope in finding a "good man" turn to having children many children or pets to replace that emptyness they feel.Hence the cat lady or pigeon woman.Or that little old lady that lived in a shoe.

Women's minds have to find ways of coping with a biological desire.There are alot of men who think the same way,the difference is women actually belive themselves men truly just hope.

I talked to a 20 something who told me he just got married l.I said why he said he loves the girl I said but what happens when she doesn't love you in 5 years or ten years.He didn't say anything he just had this thoughtful look in his eyes.This young man was running on pure hope hoping he was one in a million that doesn't go through a nasty divorce.

I know many married women they all report to be quite miserable in there marriages many have told me they cheat.But when they are young they believe in the fantasy because women are coddled by society and there biological desires compell them so intensely beliving is the only way they can maintain their sanity.

Tell a 16 year old girl that she will never marry or have children.

Tell a boy and see how things play out.

A women historically needed children and a man she's driven to do so and her own existence depended on it.Not so for man so men can rationalize better.For example no one knows when they're going to die were told lifecexpectancy is 85 years and we hope we make it that long.Technically we can die any Second life would be difficult thinking about it that way.

Woman have to believe in marriage they're biologically compelled to.The same way men are biologically compelled to fuck attractive women.

Chill-BL · 2019-12-23T12:31:57+00:00

dunno if that formulate works if:

Expectations is a metaphorical: "1" (we err on having greater expectations for reality, though it's an assumption)

and reality is a metaphorical: "0.1" (reality is often disappointing).

it means 1/0.1 = 10 happiness, so this formula will inevitably mean, the worse reality is, the happier you get. and the more expectations you have the better.

Now that's outta the way, many have already alluded to the prevalent narrative off the princess and having it all ideal.

You know how men dream about being an action hero, all men aspire to be him and all women aspire to be with him?

now that ideal in women is, doing nothing and being loved by everyone, just by being there.

both are extreme, yet some women tend to live and think this fantasy, and when that breaks, it's your fault. (not her delusion though, nothing wrong with that).

simplisticallysimple · 2019-12-30T00:34:55+00:00

You're asking why women can't understand why men don't want to marry?

I have just the perfect quote for you by Upton Sinclair:

"It Is Difficult to Get a Man to Understand Something When His Salary Depends Upon His Not Understanding It."

FabianStrifeTulip · 2019-12-22T21:23:38+00:00

I would generalize this by saying that no one knows what he is getting into until they actually get into.

Let's say that people who have a very rich imagination (high expectations) and who lack some depth in thinking, may easily ignore many risks and have higher chances to get what they don't want.

imrazali28 · 2019-12-22T21:40:33+00:00

It's called Disney

dragonfury866 · 2019-12-22T23:33:53+00:00

I’m a woman, I don’t want to get married. It seems like a waste of time and energy (not to mention money) to me. I get what you’re saying with women wanting to get married, maybe they want to be stuck with whoever they’re in a relationship with, as divorce is a shitty thing lots of people would rather avoid even if it means suffering in a bad relationship. And then there’s the whole kids thing. It’s just all one giant headache to me.

skypig · 2019-12-23T14:30:47+00:00

It's the media.

Media's incentive is that love sells. The Disney idea of love, this "eternal romantic love," is very appealing to people regardless of how unrealistic or detached from reality it is. Media companies have to make money and compete. Eventually over time, this changes from something that sells to something that people aspire to.

MuleFool42 · 2019-12-23T18:14:32+00:00

It's in everything we see. Society sells us the Disney version of life and most of us grow up thinking that marriage is a good thing that will last.

It's taken until recently logical thinking people (MGTOWs) to point out the obvious, that the Emperor has no clothes. The risk/reward equation for men in marriage is so negative that I'm surprised it's taken this long for men to point it out and become MGTOW.

In the past there were perennial 'bachelors' who society shamed. Now, the shaming doesn't work as well, so men are freer now than ever before to make choices that benefits themselves instead of someone else, or society.

BludgeonVIII · 2019-12-23T19:22:59+00:00

Not a lot of people feel secure with themselves and think settling down with a partner is the only course of action to stave off potentially crippling loneliness.

ausgamer529 · 2019-12-23T20:25:04+00:00

Marriage is retarded. If two people live each other so much they shouldn't have to spend thousands on rings and a ceremony and shit.

3889-1274 · 2019-12-26T03:53:31+00:00

Well, in all honesty, the disconnect of the ideal and the reality is not limited to marriage. That disconnection exists everywhere.

801735 · 2019-12-26T20:09:58+00:00

Perhaps many chicks are just after the marriage, the exciting "I'm THE spotlight of this" ceremony, and not the "boring, (used to be) duty filled", non-constantly-spotlighty boring "ordeal"? Not sure...

Would the children rather go to Disneyland or to school?

2019-12-27T11:08:00+00:00

part of the problem is we're not particularly good at predicting ANYTHING in our future.

https://youtu.be/DJ2T4-rUUcs?t=112

SizzleMop69 · 2020-01-02T21:23:37+00:00

You guys need some therapy.

TomahawkSuppository · 2020-01-06T15:26:13+00:00

Because women have largely been fed a lie that marriage is living happily ever after. No one ever talks about the hard shut, raising kids, the monotony of it, finances etc. Also women are no longer taught to save themselves for marriage, instead they who’re themselves out in their 20s and then hit their 30s with the idea that Mr. stable is waiting for them. Most of the time, that person have moved on.

Title	Why is there such a disconnect between the perception of marriage and the reality of it? Especially among women?
Author	The_lurkers_watch
Upvotes	1
Comments	70
Date	December 22, 2019 2:14 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/ee5aw6/why_is_there_such_a_disconnect_between_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/why-is-there-such-a-disconnect-between-the.811211 https://theredarchive.com/post/811211

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