This is going to be long but won’t even touch on the horrors of being with this person. My friends and family all say I should write a book about the experience. It’s that vile, evil, and crazy to think human beings like her exist on this planet.

I will say that narcissistic abuse is the equivalent of a frog in a pot of water that slowly goes from being cold (to the burner turned on) and because the frog is so used to the slowly building up abuse, the frog dies eventually without even realizing the danger. Meanwhile a frog thrown into a pot of boiling water will immediately jump out.

Sooo.., just like in everything I’ve read about people that suffer from NPD (having read more books, blogs, podcasts, websites forums, you name it at this point trying to get some closure on exactly what I went through for over a year, than I can count), and the relationship patterns with such people, my marriage (very short / less than a year) was as textbook of a case of narcissistic abuse as possible.

In the beginning, in every single way, she claimed to like everything I liked, matched my morals on traditional family values (marriage is forever and kids growing up in broken homes is a terrible thing), lying is bad, a teammate for life, you name it…, I had met my soul mate, the person who gets me like no other, that shares all the same values, and claims day in / day out for months on end to be my soul mate.

It was a whirlwind relationship, her moving in to my house within only a few weeks, it was only about 3/4 of a year before we got married, and only about 8 months after that, she brutally discarded me without saying a word, no idea where she was, all while pregnant with my 1st and only child (1st and only marriage btw). But not to get ahead of myself to the ending, lets just say, in true NPD fashion, she gave me, and my entire family the silent treatment, while she was on instagram scrolling social media posts (was still friends with her on there at the time), she was ignoring her husband and his entire family (apparently ghosting / silent treatments are pretty much the status quo with narcissists) with me worried sick not even knowing where she was.

So back to the marriage.., and to give you a little idea of what I sacrificed and gave for this woman. Not only did I pay for EVERYTHING in the marriage, the wedding, the rings (mine too), buy her clothes, gifts, wrote her checks for school, took her on vacations, drove her all over, did all the cooking, maintained the house, the vehicles (I have my own shop, car hoist, more tools than god etc.), I was also working 70 hours a week, plus working on a business…, all busting my ass every single day as an investment to wanting to give this woman (who I thought was my soulmate) every single thing I could because that’s how much I loved her. I even got her a credit card that she spent thousands on every month that I paid off every month.

Literally she worked 30 hours a week, came home every day around 2:30PM and sat in my jaccuzi, streaming movies, playing with her phone, while I worked, sometimes past midnight, and almost always past 7PM. This was the 1st real moments I noticed that her words of love etc., didn’t at all match her actions. Imagine knowing your spouse is busting their ass 90+ hours a week, and while you are in the bath tub or on your ass watching movies, not ONE SINGLE TIME, did she even offer to cook me dinner, or anything. There was simply no care.

Combine this with the fact she started crazy making arguments all the time.., and it was as if she got off on them, like a pattern. How people can’t just be normal and happy with what they have (let alone her with absolutely no worries at all about money, food, a roof over her head, insurance, taxes, vehicle repairs, or ANYTHING most adults worry about because she didn’t have to pay for any of that).

Now the worst part about these arguments was the fact that (and I’ve found this to be a common theme with those with NPD) is she would constantly and without a single care in the world, interrupt me when I’m talking (that’s one of the most disrespectful things you can do to a person) and she did this at will. So in true NPD fashion an argument would turn into her crazy making behavior, me getting upset at the fact that I couldn’t get a single word in edge-wise before she interrupted me, which caused me to raise my voice, which then allowed her to blame me for yelling at her. And when I had finally raised my voice so much that she had to stfu, and told her exactly the bad shit she was doing, the lying, the gaslighting, the crazy making, that’s when she would simply walk away like a petulant child and stop the conversation, completely invalidating ANYTHING I said at all!! It was the craziest shit ever. And it started happening every single week.

I’m the happiest go lucky guy ever, and you can’t possibly imagine the confusion of not being able to just be happy to be alive, have your health, have a roof over your head, have food on the table, let alone being married to your supposed “soulmate”. But it just seemed (upon reflection) that she just totally got off on trying to bring me down and ruin my happiness. It’s literally the most confusing and anxiety inducing situation ever.

Now at this point, because of all I had spent on her, between the wedding, constant gifts, clothes, food, beauty products, (like fancy ass $300 hair brush and professional air brush for models etc), and the fact that she kept spending more and more on the credit card that I was paying off every month, I’m now going into the red. I can’t keep up with bills. I have to pull out some retirement to try to get back on track.

Just imagine that someone won’t help with the bills, or even offer.., imagine knowing your spouse is working all those hours, paying $8000+ to the household every single month just to make ends meet, and imagine a wife that won’t help out at all.

And this is how crazy it got. I finally broke down and suggested that she help pay for the credit card I got her and paid off every single month as a way to help out the marital home / finances. What happens next has got to be the craziest shit ever…., not only does she not respond to me at all…, once I asked her to help out with just ONE SINGLE BILL, she completely drained a joint checking account without saying a word. Could anyone really imagine doing this to your soulmate?? I mean what in the flying f’*** is going on here??

It wasn’t too long after that, that she knew that I knew that everything she had ever told me about herself was all a lie, that our entire relationship / marriage was all an orchestrated illusion, that she brutally discarded me. It makes sense why she wanted to get pregnant so fast after the marriage.., she, just like the marriage and in true NPD fashion, only cared about what she could take / use from me (my money) and never cared about me (or even capable of doing so, obviously, as someone with NPD) and now gets to hammer me with 18 years of child support and constantly abuse me through the legal system (something she greatly gets off doing to other people).

But before I get into the horrific discard, the not knowing where my unborn child / wife is, not knowing about the birth, being ghosted to end a marriage, and completely blindsided with divorce.., I want to touch on something else that happened to me which, sadly, upon research is super common with victims of narcissistic abuse.

Remember the frog thing earlier?? So during the early part of the marriage, I started to develop an issue where I had bouts of not being able to swallow food. And what I mean by that…, food would get lodged in my esophagus and I would take a drink of water to try and wash it down.., but instead of being washed down, my esophagus would fill up with water instead. Obviously at this point, since when something is in your esophagus, you can’t breath (wind pipe closed off), I’m left to try to puke and hope it comes out, or die. I, having a position where I traveled around, took customers out to eat etc., started ordering just salads, trying to chew it up into as small of pieces as possible as the last thing I wanted was an episode and rushing to the bathroom to throw up in front of my clients.

It finally got to the point where it was happening many times a week. So I finally broke down and scheduled surgery to have my esophagus checked. It was upon the post OP evaluation where the surgeon noticed immediately what was going on, and the signs were all from my blood work. Because of the frog thing earlier, and because the abuse was so slow and built up over time with all the gaslighting, silent treatments, lying, and crazy making arguments, my cortisol levels (stress hormone) were literally the highest he’d ever seen. Think about this for a second, I know there’s a problem because I wasn’t sleeping at night (imagine constant arguing right before bedtime and your NPD wife could fall asleep in 2 minutes afterwards, while you, the person with empathy, is completely hurt, full of anxiety, and of course nervous as hell all night long and can’t). So the surgeon told me he was surprised I hadn’t had a heart attack yet because he couldn’t believe how high the levels were. In a nutshell, they were so high, that my own body was literally eating itself alive!! No joke. Imagine a person doing that to you? Imagine a person that does that to you, causes you so much anxiety, stress, anger, fear, sadness, and confusion that your own body, out of it’s own fight/flight response is left to do nothing but churn your own organs from the inside??

But this doesn’t even get into the most vile and evil shit that she put me through. The divorce, child alienation, and financial abuse is the true icing on the cake. Imagine being married for less than 8 months with no shared marital assets. Should be the most easiest divorce on the planet, $300 and sign a document. But oh no, in true NPD fashion, an 8 month marriage turns into a full on 2+ year divorce process of her trying to abuse me at every turn.

She left me, ghosted me and my family, blindsided me with divorce without saying a single word (to this day not a single word about her ending the marriage at all.. mind you.., not a single shred of remorse, guilt, shame, care, or anything at all about it).. just left me a broken mess with a shattered soul. Could you imagine any human being doing that to someone that claimed you were their soulmate for months on end? Could you imagine anyone doing that in a marriage period??

But that’s just the start of evil monster that showed true self through this process. If you remember,.. I was soo very adamant about how I couldn’t wait to witness and be part of the birth, child growing, dr visits.., etc… Every single show that had an ER always had me almost in tears thinking about when that day happens and I get to witness my own child being brought into this world.

She took it all away from me without even saying a word. I didn’t even know of the birth the day it happened. And when the ex wife finally did reach out to say our daughter had been born, she gave no stats, no information, no pictures, nothing. Just as if to make her look like super mom to the court.

So I immediately asked her (as this was the next day) if I could come and see my daughter. And if you remember, considering this was the first time I had heard a single word from her in months…, obviously me and my entire family had long stopped trying for her to respond to phone calls, text messages, emails etc., because she just ghosted / gave the silent treatment to everyone. Again, I didn’t even know where she was staying.. No idea of anything at all.

She actually agreed to let me come see my daughter, but wait.., do you think someone with NPD actually was going to do what they said or do you think this was just another way to cause me more pain and abuse? Well you guessed it! The second she responded back with what hospital she was at, I immediately responded back with “I’m on the way”. So I took off work, assembled a nice big care package (diapers, wipes, shampoo etc., and even got the ex wife a chapstick as trying to have some sort of peace treaty with her as regardless that she shattered my life, my daughter needs both parents). I just wanted this to be normal and amicable. I accepted her decision to divorce me (not like you can do anything about it in a no fault state and responded to their attorney requests in as little time as possible just wanting it over with).

So what happens when I get to the hospital?? I go to the labor and delivery desk, and I’m immediately told by security that I’m on the “no entry” list. I told them there must be some sort of mistake, showing security the emails etc., telling me I could come. Security then phones the room my ex wife (still legally married at the time) is in and asks her - and she tells them NOT to let me in. Imagine the pain? Imagine driving 45 minutes to the hospital already shattered because the birth process and everything leading up to it was taken away from me without so much as saying a single word about it? And now THIS!!??

I immediately text the ex, phone the ex, and email the ex asking her to let me in security. And SURPRISE SURPRISE…, here I am ghosted again. So I wait around the hospital, sitting there for another 3 hours.., and asked security to call again to see…, sure enough, denied again. All the while not a single response back from text, email, or phone call I had left earlier. At that point I left the hospital, even somehow a more broken person than I already was. I called the hospital every single hour after getting home just to see if I was ever off this “no entry list” and sure enough I never was. And finally upon the last time I called, the ex was no longer at the hospital at all (so she and baby had left) and still not a single response back from the 3 forms of communication I asked to let me in on (phone, text, email). You can’t possibly imagine how evil of a person you have to be to do this to a person. And THIS IS JUST THE BEGGINNING of the VILE, NASTY, EVIL person and what she is just starting to put me through.

I can’t tell you how many times I asked to see my daughter, for an ongoing visitation schedule, for updates, you name it.., all to get denied. And because of the absolute horror of what I’m being put through, I was barely a functioning adult, let alone the 6 figure breadwinner tackling a very stressful workday.., and ended up losing my job. Imagine you are 7 minutes from daycare where your daughter is at, you are unemployed, it’s COVID time, and begging to take care and see your daughter at home instead of spending all this money in daycare.., imagine how terrible a person has to be to refuse their own father access to even care for their daughter over strangers in day care?? Yep, my attorneys asked twice.. Just absolute pure fucking EVIL!

But oh boy does it continue to get more vile and evil all the time. Part of the divorce is the discovery process (where you show all financial documents, retirement accounts, paystubs, checking, savings, credit card statements etc.,etc.,etc.,) Even in an 8 month marriage.., whatever, I provided them all as fast as possible. To get hers though, I had to pay and subpoena her records. They think they are above everyone else and the rules don’t apply to them.

One thing that is also true about those with NPD in divorce is they constantly fire their attorneys (especially one’s with ethics). They narc doesn’t care about right or wrong.., doesn’t even fundamentally understand the concept.., all they know is they themselves are a terrible person and therefore their only way to feel anything at all is to take a good person and try and destroy them with any means possible. So after her first attorney told her you can’t expect much with this being an 8 month marriage with no marital assets, (lets face it, she has never owned a single thing in her own life that wasn’t paid for by someone else), she switches and finds the most narcissistic nastiest lawyer ever. This woman (lawyer) made claims that I was abusive, suicidal, a terrible person, you name it.., it was downright disgusting coming from me, the person that would have died / taken a bullet for my ex wife. I did love her (or should I say) the person I thought she was. Her true self / how she actually is, I wouldn’t even want to be on the same continent as her.

So I spent the next year and a 1/2 constantly being bombarded with false allegations, parental alienation, legal abuse like you wouldn’t believe, and being asked.., wait for it, EIGHT DIFFERENT TIMES FOR DISCOVERY. My attorney basically told me, since my ex was not the one paying for her legal fees (her retired grampa was.., who uses his money as a way for the spoiled grand children to come visit him).., she filed claim after claim with the courts that had absolutely no legal standing. Of course a real attorney with ethics would stop this from even happening as there is nothing to win / gain from something that will get thrown out of court immediately because of it’s absurdity.

But the point was not to win. The point was to take a man that has literally spent all his savings, drained his retirement accounts, and unemployed now, to completely destroy him so badly that he’s literally filing bankruptcy and left with nothing at all. And they can do exactly that. There’s nothing to stop someone from wasting $10K+ every single month in legal fees for absurdity. The stopping factor, of course, is the fact that you yourself (the person filing said absurdity is usually the person paying for it - so they are wasting money too!) But in this case, like the entitled princess, victim she claims to be, instead she just happily wasted her families money.., and I can only imagine her saying that somehow I was the one trying to drag this out (the guy about to lose everything).

So imagine what should have been a $300 divorce has now cost me about the same price as a super exotic Italian super car. And of course, before this monster was ever in my life, I owned a house, built my own shop, tons of savings, tons of retirements, and I, stupidly (thinking of investing into my marriage / who does that really right??!!) bought everything in that marriage…

But back to discovery.., imagine the HORROR of the surprise when I finally get access to the birth certificate and see that my child isn’t even named what we agreed upon and announced to the world. Not only is her middle name changed, but her last name isn’t mine either (even though we were legally married at the time). Imagine just how sick and evil someone could be to, once again, do that to someone all without saying a single fucking word about it?? And I had a family member that spent around 300 hours making this hand weaved afghan with my daughters name on it, a very cute graphic, and her date of birth.. Imagine me telling that family member that it was all for naught and what my ex did? And this is the nicest person in the world. This family member was in tears because she couldn’t understand how a human being could be possibly so cruel and such a monster.

But it gets better, 2 years since the divorce.., do you think the ex has changed her name back to her maiden name?? Of course not. It’s, as everything they say about NPD, done on purpose because my daughter’s name and her name both cause the most amount of pain.

So lets not forget about child custody, where her first offer was me not even being in my child’s life at all, and how I sat through 5 months of living hell (just the child custody part of this 2 year divorce). just to try to get some access to my daughter. And at this point, I have no money left, retirement is all drained, $40+ in credit card debt, don’t know how I’m going to make my next attorney bill ($10K a month) or my house payment. So I end up doing the only thing I know how to do in that situation, and that’s make more money. I am currently deployed in the middle east. It was literally the only thing I could do not to lose absolutely everything I’ve worked my entire life to have.., all because of this MONSTER of a human being I married.

And in true fashion, as we use WhatApp to communicate internationally (wifi only) and I have asked my ex repeatedly to ad me on WhatsApp to have access to my daughter / updates etc., and she never does. What I’m left with is being completely no contact for a year, maybe 2, while trying to pay off my debt, all the while, missing out, once again, on every single first I’ve waited to experience with my children, all the while the ex without a care in the world, gets to take me to the cleaners every month once again.

I will close by saying there is no such thing a worse pain than narcissistic abuse.. Nothing on the planet comes close. As someone that grew up on a farm, working my butt off as a child, doing trades, cutting myself, being deployed, shot at, blown up, living in tents, surviving on MREs in some of the most remote locations on the planet.., there is NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING harder to go through than being with a true sufferer of NPD. Physical torture would be a welcomed relief in comparison.

I honestly don’t know if I will ever heal from this and I honestly did not realize there were this level of evil in the world. And of all the people, this is the person I chose to marry. I don’t have a single ex I can’t talk to like a normal person and I chose this monster as my wife. You have no idea the amount of pain I have. It is debilitating almost everyday.., and it’s been over 2 years now.

This is my story. I hope it never happens to you.., with every fiber of my being, I hope no one has to go through the hurt, devastation, and paid I did and still do. Thank you for reading.