Situation: Wife wants another kid (we have a little girl now) and I do not. My daughter is a handful and I love her like crazy, but my goals since the beginning were to achieve financial independence and another child doesn't fit into that picture right now. Wife just came to me and said she is leaving me if I refuse to have another child with her.

Let's back up.

Since the beginning, I've expressed that my number 1 goal was to get enough money to retire very early. I also said that I wanted kids (maybe plural) as a secondary goal. She said her #1 goal was that she wanted kids (plural).

Soon after we got married my wife dropped out of college. I paid for her to return and finish her degree so she went back. She was a hard worker but never went after a career, so she never made much more than minimum wage and therefore has never contributed meaningfully to the finances.

After the wife put some pressure on me, we had our daughter. She is amazing in every way, but a handful for sure.

Wife determined she would be a stay-at-home mom de-facto. she occasionally does some odd jobs, but basically is with our daughter and she still hasn't contributed to our finances. Daughter goes to daycare a few days a week for the social aspect.

I've worked my dick in the dirt and went back and got a post-grad and am doing very well. We have accumulated an impressive net worth and I'm on track to retire when I want to retire. I am frugal and have 2 successful side-hustles but another child thrown into the mix will put our retirement back another 12-16 years. I've never threatened to leave her... ever... even when times were rough. I told her it isn't an option that arises in my head.

She came to me the other day and said she's leaving me if I dont give her another child. Then she said she doesn't want my money if she can have our daughter 100%. I said, "No way!" So then Wife said, "If you fight for custody, I'll screw you over and take half, setting you back 15 years on your retirement anyways so you might as well give me another child".

So at this point my goals are screwed. I have 2 options.

  1. Divorce and lose half, setting me back 15 years on retirement. But at least she can't control me or hang our assets over my head to get what she wants.
  2. Dont divorce, have another child and all the responsibilites that come with it, and get set back 15 years.

ooooorrrr... and this is the crazy part, but maybe a compromise.

I could give her another kid, but only once certain conditions are met. First, we divorce and she agrees to take minimal assets and gives up 50% custody of our daughter. Then, before the kid she gets a career that meaningfully contributes to our net worth. We could live together and everything would be as if we were married but without the 50/50 split liability. (this state doesn't recognize civil unions)

This would give her another child (which she says is all she wants) but allows me to keep my nest egg and grow it as well as force her hand if she gets lazy and doesn't want to work.

I know I would still get set back financially, but it would be a kind of compromise. Would this idea work? What should I do?

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