Do any of your families try and make you get with a LVM?

GiraffeLibrarian · 2021-08-06T19:48:59+00:00

There’s been a few times close friends or family will point out a man and I ask them why they think I should give them a chance. Most of the time, it’s an answer that boils down to convenience. As in, he’s around the same age and he’s single. Maybe he already has two children by two different women, maybe he doesn’t have a steady job or a car, maybe he has a drinking problem and a beer gut to show for it.

My response when people do this is to act insulted, because I am. Am I not smart enough to deserve a man who is on my level or higher academically? Am I not beautiful enough to want a man who’s handsome? Am I not successful enough in my career to expect a man who can provide for us both?

Never, ever settle. It’s a bandaid fix to a severed limb to date or entertain the idea of LVMs.

NotYourCirce · 2021-08-06T20:15:49+00:00

Not my family but friends do. My girlfriends have been my girlfriends for so long but they have low value male friends who are friends with their husbands and such. I no longer trust their recommendations which I’m sad to say. When they have new suggestions I just say I’m not interested and the subject is dropped

lillylilacladybug · 2021-08-06T19:57:52+00:00

OMG no I was lucky - my parents have always raised me since I was little to find solitude in myself, the difference in alone and loneliness, having hobbies and goals, and to never ever settle. Of all my parent’s friends and siblings they’re also the only ones never divorced so obviously their advice works.

eatchickpeas · 2021-08-06T21:10:48+00:00

ive never been explicitly told to marry x man and have x kids but x date. but the way they talk about single educated women who focus on their careers, they make it seem like if you dont settle for a LVM and make babies before ur 35 then you will ruin ur life and be a 'unwoman'

Any_Indication_2754 · 2021-08-07T00:40:20+00:00

I was blackmailed into a relationship and marriage by my own parents at age 20. I was able to escape about 6 years later. Now theyll hint at "the guy we bought our lawn mower from is single and owns his own house maybe you should date him". I absolutely loathe going anywhere with them because my mom will make a huge scene if a man even looks at me. Theyve gotten old enough now where I can basically gaslight them into shutting up.

warinmymind94 · 2021-08-07T08:50:45+00:00

My mom was doing this i was also 24 when I went through a bad breakup. I genuinely thought I would end up marrying the dude after we both finished grad school. He is a cheater so we split.

Ever since my mom has been pressuring me and pushing guys onto me who are LVMs just like my sperm donor deadbeat (father). She was a pickme who suffered years of verbal abuse and being ignored by him and was miserable, and thinks that's "normal" and I should have to suffer too. We are very low contact. The worst was when I told her the one dude she was trying to set me up with was making r@cist and homoph0bic shitposts in his Facebook and all over his comments (always creep to see if they have social media) and she was like oh no he can't be those things. I showed her his profile and she saw it and still dismissed it "well was in the military and isolated from his family, he must have just been joking, you need to cut him a break" "Mom. Seriously. He is clearly r@cist and homoph0bic and you even have a kid that is gay, would you feel comfortable with him saying that to (my sibling who is gay)?" And she was just silent.

A week later she was pushing him on me again. She got sneaky and tried having me come along to some event and again thanks to my step-dad giving me the heads up, she was going to have me bump into him there.

There's a reason I moved away and went very low contact.

The best you can do is set boundaries with her about pushing relationships onto you.

I'm 27 still single and LVM free. I dated a lot but I don't settle for anyone.

lolmemberberries · 2021-08-06T23:42:37+00:00

Not at all! My family was always the first to point out when they didn't believe someone was good enough for me.

p0ludnitsa · 2021-08-06T23:46:17+00:00

Yes. My mom was actually the one who drilled it into my head to never depend on a man financially (despite not following this advice herself).

Yet when I met my abusive ex, she exclaimed how happy she was that I had found a man who can "take care of" me. Like, what?? I was supporting myself just fine, I didn't need a man for anything.

After we broke up I went on 1 date with a guy who was a clingy emotional dumpster fire and she was projecting her feelings onto me pitying him after I told her that I had politely informed him that a relationship was not in the cards. She kept telling me to give him time to get his act together and be normal. I stood my ground. I couldn't be his therapist and wouldn't let anyone weaponize my empathy against me.

I think she is really upset that I'm not on OLD anymore or seeking out men. She keeps calling and telling me about events I should go to (I'm vaxxed) so I can meet a "nice young man".

What do you do? Ignore it as best you can. It's all you can do.

Title	Do any of your families try and make you get with a LVM?
Author	UnusualRedditorHere
Upvotes	107
Comments	11
Date	August 6, 2021 1:33 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oz6q7f/do_any_of_your_families_try_and_make_you_get_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/do-any-of-your-families-try-and-make-you-get-with.822238 https://theredarchive.com/post/822238

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