Plate of 1 year is so generous and satisfactory that I've dropped all others for total lack of interest. How do I avoid oneitis?

2983hfr9832h · 2017-05-02T01:07:52+00:00

The sudden impulse for monogamy doesn't have to be a bad thing necessarily...

As long as you follow the "No Bro" rule that I just invented: If you ever have the retrospect feeling that "No bro would have gotten away with the shit SHE just pulled off", then you've got oneitis."

In other words: have standards and moral values. If she does not comply, then sure, next her, but if she does, you're probably gonna have a wonderful time together.

somebullshitrp · 2017-05-02T01:01:16+00:00

I'm in almost the same situation, and my approach is to continue to game other women (in real life only) while keeping her as an LTR. As long as she continues to perform at the level she has for the last year, I'll keep her as my LTR. She can also see that I'm desirable to other women, so she's on her toes.

However, it's important to check in with yourself and your desires every once in a while, just to make sure you're not sliding down the slippery slope of betafication. Maintaining your dominant frame is important, as well as making sure you're getting what you want out of the relationship.

If you're aware of all of this, and you understand that you always have other options, you can very likely avoid oneitis.

covertpenguin3390 · 2017-05-02T02:07:12+00:00

You're allowed to want a girl friend if that's what you like. Relationships are usually much more fulfilling and satisfactory when you actually go for the LTR vs. plate route. BUT, oneitis is the usual result of having only one girl. Attempting to be a "good" monogamous partner and focus on one emotional connection with one person completely rids you of that sweet abundance mentality that helps to keep you from becoming billy beta at the first sign of trouble. The biggest fear we usually dig ourselves into is that we're scared of being alone after having such an intense emotional connection to someone, and with men not being able to keep their emotions in check as well as women, we turn into idiots and cry babies at the first sign of trouble while we're young and inexperienced. Only experience and a few straight shots to the chin will really help you from getting oneitis and having it eventually hurt your feelings. It took me about three serious LTRs before I reached my maturity of being able to avoid the pitfall of it and with that experience combined with being TRP aware I was able to have the kind of relationship this place tells you you deserve.

To really answer your last question, yes, of course you're taking a risk. There is a good chance she'll eventually rip your heart out or any of the other negative outcomes and you'll get hurt. But, in my opinion, if you vet them properly and find a good girl, then the risk is worth it. I would rather take two years of love with three months of agony than that same amount of time just in mediocre unfulfilling relationships. But, that's just me. Go after what YOU want.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2017-05-02T04:12:04+00:00

When you felt it was a good idea to drop the other plates.

That when you entered Stage II Oneitis.

IVIaskerade · 2017-05-02T07:37:57+00:00

If you aren't fucking other women, she's not a plate.

MisterOrigon · 2017-05-02T08:59:24+00:00

What you need to do in this situation is determine what YOU want.

Personally, I'll always take a quality LTR over plates - however, my current situation is that I don't find myself sufficiently attracted to the women in my life to promote them from plates, so I have two plates and no LTR.

If you want to have an LTR with this girl (who sounds terrific), do it. The above poster's "No Bro" rule sounds like an excellent framework for setting boundaries. Mainly, my point is that just because lots of people on TRP aren't into the LTR thing, that doesn't mean you can't be - if its your objective.

edit: incorrect generalization regarding other comments on this thread.

The_Lightskin_Wonder · 2017-05-02T10:25:21+00:00

An endorsed member once said you can't get used to pain unless you experience it. Oneitis isn't caring about someone too much, it's the pain of losing something you care about, and it hurting you. You can't avoid getting hit in boxing but you can learn to manage the pain.

The only thing that really makes oneitis likely is becoming vulnerable, and a woman takes advantage. But monogamy requires vulnerability at some point for longevity. In other words don't fight it, but be vigilant. Don't allow it to ruin your relationship.

And if it does happen, Don't be ashamed it happens to us all,but nobody will pity you when you give in to the pain cus we can't save you. only you can. The only cure is letting go completely.you have to be willing to cut off your own arm for the sake off your own happiness. Not the gym or mindless sex. Those things are supplementary.

IIlllIllIIIllIl · 2017-05-02T01:01:34+00:00

If you get no comments, brave the open waters.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-05-02T01:20:22+00:00

If you only have 1 plate, then she's not a plate, she's your girlfriend.

4nt43us · 2017-05-02T01:44:51+00:00

You need to promote this woman to status of MLTR (multi long term relationship). This means that you treat her like a LTR, but it is non exclusive and she must be aware of the non-exclusivity. This is the best course of action as you must keep your options open for your own confidence and in case your tastes change.

You need to consciously have at least one other side chick and keep trying to hook up with new chicks every now and then for two reasons. 1) Your tastes might change and you might decide one day you want to try some new pussy you just met through a friend. 2) You want to make 100% sure you don't have oneitis and she is actually the best match for you.

You should ideally see your MLTR one to two times per week max. Try and keep your Friday / Saturday nights free for hanging out with mates and finding new plates/hooking up with new chicks.

The only way you will 99.99% know it is not oneitis is if you hook up with a couple of women who are objectively hotter than your current girl and you still want to go back to her.

FrameWalker · 2017-05-02T15:07:28+00:00

It's the same as always - work on yourself. plates are a crutch until you fall in love w yourself. no homo.

[deleted] · 2017-05-02T15:32:43+00:00

Know what your own personal boundaries are with respect to things and stand by them. Be ready to walk away immediately if they are not followed. Taking pride in setting your personal boundaries and standing firm on them will help you be ready to walk away because you'll feel good about yourself for sticking up for your own principles rather than feeling sad because you're losing some girl. Know that you can walk away at any moment because you can easily find some girl to replace her.
As another commenter said, go game other women in person when you're out at the bar with your friends. If you're not mongamous, then hook up with them if you want. But either way, gaming them successfully will help with abundance mentality and it will show you that you can easily replace her should you feel the need to walk away from the situation. Not only that, but you might even end up meeting some girl who is better than this current female.
Remember that she's just a girl. She's not special. There's nothing special about her. Deep down she is the same flawed, insecure creature that every other girl is. AWALT

Kalidane · 2017-05-02T19:55:30+00:00

Take other girls for a test drive.

What are the odds of this relationship lasting forever and of her being the best girl on the planet?

walawalawa · 2017-05-02T01:30:56+00:00

The real danger is to get too invested in her behaviours. I've had this situation twice...and it was disastrous.

But the girls displayed a series of BPD/Cluster B traits and were pushing for a monogamous relationship all the while collecting orbiters.

You have to keep an abundance mindset. The only way you can maintain hand in a relationship is to instill dread.

The only way to instill dread is through pre-selection---other girls wanting you.

So tread with caution. My last situation was better because she became a "main plate" even though I'd invested wayyyyyyyyyyy too much time, effort, energy and was becoming suspicious of everything which is the basis for oneitis.

I really had to break free by spinning other plates and by letting go when things got too weird with her.

I'm now skeptical of monogamy...women don't practice it---the whole orbiter thing is an example.

Title	Plate of 1 year is so generous and satisfactory that I've dropped all others for total lack of interest. How do I avoid oneitis?
Author	2983hfr9832h
Upvotes	29
Comments	37
Date	May 2, 2017 12:15 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/68ptce/plate_of_1_year_is_so_generous_and_satisfactory/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/plate-of-1-year-is-so-generous-and-satisfactory.90452 https://theredarchive.com/post/90452

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