Classic Cosmopolitan

fengpi · 2017-06-03T23:28:55+00:00

These Cosmo-style "Is He A Real Man™?" articles are just wish-fulfillment lists.

Yes, he works a high-powered job, he is family-oriented and he can whisk you off to Spain on a whim. There's totally 72 hours in every day and if he lacks unlimited money and energy, he isn't a Real Man™.

He's built with a 6-pack but not overly muscular, he knows how to dress but not better than you, he has good taste in accessories but isn't ostentatious, he remembers your birthday but never your age, he's gentle but can slit his enemies' throats, he's brilliant but not a know-it-all, he's got a big dick but not too big a dick, he's into sports but not obsessed with sports, his money isn't important but it's vital that he spends it on you, he's got a great sense of humor but only you can understand his jokes, he's [insert your random fantasy unicorn here] but not too much [random fantasy unicorn]...

Meanwhile, what does Suzie Cosmoreader bring to the table that makes her worthy of this Real Man™ of whom there are so embarrassingly few in this world full of sub-human schmoes? Unimportant.

Rabid_Pink_Princess · 2017-06-04T00:09:58+00:00

Jesus Christ my vagina just died. Thank you cosmopolitan.

In general I can't even understand how a man who puts such an effort at following some stupid standard to become a real man could actually result confident.

mwobuddy · 2017-06-04T00:11:55+00:00

Many of those are actually Histrionic Borderline wishlists, because they want to avoid being caught for cheating, and want to have an emotional pincushion to tell how bad their exes were (which is itself both a warning to the current partner to 'stay straight' and also an evaluative process in itself of how much shit you'll take, like listening to that).

He doesn't call any of his ex-girlfriends "crazy." Some guys are quick to say that all his exes are "crazy" and that's why he is no longer with them (not because they found out he sucks and rightfully dumped him). But a real man will be honest with you and say why the relationship ultimately failed, and also won't talk shit about someone he once very much liked!

Okay, you shouldn't talk shit about exes.

That time you talked about how your ex was a total garbage monster, he listened attentively and asked thoughtful questions. He didn't tell you to stop comparing him to your ex or try to sympathize with the dude who was objectively terrible to you — this real man listened like he actually cares, because he does actually care! It's incredible.

Oh you should talk shit about your exes.

Uhh, Im confused.

Greg_W_Allan · 2017-06-04T03:32:20+00:00

Sorry, ladies, you are in no way qualified to define a "real" man. Give it away. It makes you look conceited.

double-happiness · 2017-06-04T10:32:01+00:00

Another Cosmo gem: 6 Ways to Train Your Boyfriend

One that has personal resonance for me is 'He Lacks Social Graces', because my last girlfriend said my social skills could 'use some work', (which I would accept), but then in the end she unexpectedly broke up with me by text, which strikes me as a tremendous faux pas, that even most teenagers would know not to do. So AFAIAC, it just goes to show, it cuts both ways.

KingRobotPrince · 2017-06-04T04:42:07+00:00

I have no interest in having a conversation with a woman who tries to get me to do what she wants through attempting to shame me, let alone be in an intimate relationship with one.

You should judge yourself and others by your own values, not what society tries to tell you. It's tragic when otherwise successful relationships fail because one side has read something stupid in a magazine and thought that they need to change their otherwise happy life (normally spending money) just because they saw a stupid article. Then again, it's a helpful sort of 'universal indicator', if a women starts chatting nonsense about an article she read, that she isn't the one for you.

jmg83 · 2017-06-04T10:14:04+00:00

I'm not going to read it, but I can guess the sort of things it would say. What most women who'll read this don't get is that a man who meets all these criteria would almost certainly be too good for them.

youreallmeatanyway · 2017-06-04T11:09:16+00:00

That picture looks like a moderately muscular 15 year old.

Funcuz · 2017-06-04T16:40:13+00:00

Want to know if your man is a real man? We've designed a simple test!

Stand near your man. Extend your index finger. Push. Do you feel something solid? He's real.

MraBob · 2017-06-04T03:20:53+00:00

Tone1337 · 2017-06-04T18:50:07+00:00

Should be titled 11 telltale signs of a real man and the 1 reason you'll still sleep with the asshole dude bro.

the_unseen_one · 2017-06-05T01:17:55+00:00

Nothing like having a bunch of women telling a man how to be a man, especially with those ways always coming down to "be my personal servant, expect nothing from me in return, and worship the ground I walk on". I hope no woman takes this garbage seriously.

Title	Classic Cosmopolitan
Author	ZenThePunker
Upvotes	368
Comments	61
Date	June 3, 2017 11:13 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/6f465o/classic_cosmopolitan/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/classic-cosmopolitan.921265 https://theredarchive.com/post/921265

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