How and at which age did you become MRAs?

throwaway85807566595 · 2016-02-02T14:56:16+00:00

I was 33. My wife violently sexually assaulted me in the middle of the night when I had a stomach bug to conceive our son.

My town's DV officer has a webpage that mentions the Duluth model and "male power" a lot, so I didn't feel safe reporting it.

I didn't have a choice in abortion.

If I wanted to cut contact with my rapist I'd have to give her 50% custody of my daughter and pay her more than a million dollars of my earnings.

I learned I wasn't raped in my state because I was never penetrated. It was just sexual assault. I was shocked to learn that if you include forced envelopment as rape, 40% of rape victims would be male.

I contacted a DV police officer anonymously and asked for help. I was referred to a gay man's domestic violence hotline, because it was the only one in the state that assisted male victims.

I realized I had no support simply because I was a heterosexual man.

rottingchrist · 2016-02-02T14:40:58+00:00

I guess a couple of years ago, once I got over the fear of being called a bad person for supporting male issues.

I never was a feminist though. Their hatred towards boys and men has been clear to me since I was a teen. The movement is built upon hatred of males and is inseparable from it.

2016-02-02T14:54:59+00:00

Even at primary school I noticed discrimination against boys. Teachers would let the girls go first. Girls did not have to do sport or go swimming. There were more options for girls. There were science and University talks just for the girls. In lessons they would talk about male disposability on sinking ships or fighting in the world wars. When you get older you start noticing massive discrimination.

Jack92783 · 2016-02-02T16:31:30+00:00

It depends. Seeing multiple divorces and alimonies take place in my family between equally affluent partners started the process when I was 10 or so.

BUT what really sold it for me was when I was 15 in US Government class and starting to wonder why it was that men had zero options if the condom broke, other than paying for 18 years or fleeing to a non-extradition country.

xynomaster · 2016-02-02T14:29:56+00:00

Similar to you in that I used to very much believe that men had it better, and still do agree that we do in many ways, except it was when I had to register with selective service that I guess I became an MRA (despite not knowing the term at the time).

It hurt and made me feel worthless and disposable.

McFeely_Smackup · 2016-02-02T17:49:21+00:00

I think my journey to MRA probably started in High School, mostly when I discovered that the girls bathroom had doors on the stalls, but the boys not only did NOT have doors, but were clearly visible in the mirror to anyone walking by outside if the bathroom door was open. I went 4 years trying to not shit my pants.

HeForeverBleeds · 2016-02-02T16:36:13+00:00

I didn't start to identify as an "MRA" until was I about 14/15, but ever since I can remember I've noticed the prejudice and double standards

One of my earlier memories was my parents separating when I was 5, and though I got along really well with my dad and though my mother was an abusive, manipulative scumbag, my mother was given custody pretty much by default

I remember hearing "children his age shouldn't be separated from their mothers" and thinking why should she automatically be considered more important, even though it was my dad who taught me how to read and who had been taking care of me that whole time?

2016-02-02T18:29:44+00:00

For me, it was from watching YouTube videos by dr. Randomercam. I believe his quote was: "if you claim to be an egalitarian, then you are by definition, a men's rights advocate and a women's rights advocate. I couldn't find any flaws in his reasoning, and I considered myself an egalitarian, so it made sense.

chocoboat · 2016-02-02T17:15:46+00:00

I called myself a feminist, because everyone said that if you care about gender equality then you're a feminist. It wasn't too long before I noticed they didn't pay any attention to comments that aren't made by a woman, and became outright hostile if you talked inequality where the victims aren't female.

Eventually they were honest enough to say "if you care about men's issues so much then go away and be part of some men's group", and when I did they told me I was anti-equality and anti-woman and not welcome around them.

I still care about inequality against women every bit as much as inequality against men, but feminism refuses to have supporters that aren't solely dedicated to them alone. Now that I think about it, that's yet another way that feminism is like a fundamentalist religion. Tell a Christian fundie group that you've been reading the Koran (or a Muslim group that you've been reading the Bible) and suddenly they don't want you around them anymore.

Funcuz · 2016-02-02T17:44:49+00:00

I was still a kid and none of this actually existed yet.

I'd noticed that all I ever heard about was how bad males were. When I looked around however, I also noticed that girls were basically getting special treatment and free passes that nobody would ever give to boys.

I'd already seen women beating on men so I knew it was bullshit that only men beat on women. That was the first thing. Over the years it just kept on piling up. For example, if men were doing all the dying then how was it that women were oppressed ? If a full quarter of women were sexually assaulted or raped then how come I didn't know that many ? I definitely knew of at least one but the other stories always struck me more of as "I want to fit in so I'm going to frame my story to sound more like I was victimized to get more sympathy."

As I said, it just kept piling up until one day I decided that enough was enough. I got sick and tired of hearing about all the attention being lavished on girls and women, couldn't see any real-life examples of reasons to do so, and didn't understand why males were so completely and utterly ignored. I still don't understand it.

oggyb · 2016-02-02T19:13:59+00:00

I've always felt that my experience has never matched what the media tells me is true, and this goes for pretty much all aspects of life. I walk a female friend to her door then worry about getting another potential beating on my way back home. I notice how many well-educated and prominent women there are around me. I can count on one hand the number of times I've heard lecherous things shouted by men at nearby women in the last several years. That sort of thing. Just life experiences that suggest such "truths" are out of proportion, or based on lack of perspective.

I come here with an open mind to remind myself that others feel the same way as I do about how some parts of society work. I wouldn't call myself an MRA irl, but I certainly believe the overall narrative of inequality is wrong.

WaitingToBeBanned · 2016-02-02T21:15:00+00:00

22

A few years ago I got into an argument with my mother regarding gender equality, she was trying to say that even a two decades ago women were paid less than men, while I said that did not make any sense and is extremely unlikely, she suggested that I research the subject before professing anything, and I did.

Fast forward and now I identify as an MRA when others identify me as an MRA, but not otherwise.

not_AtWorkRightNow · 2016-02-02T21:32:51+00:00

When I started realizing he extent to which women have complete control as soon as children are involved. Mothers are pampered in the workplace, fathers are mocked. Single mothers are heroes, divorced men are sleezy bums. Stepdads are just a joke. You're either a meal ticket, a drunken asshole or a child molester. All these things are my real hot button issues.

ThePigmanAgain · 2016-02-02T22:15:35+00:00

I can't even remember that far back. The earliest i can go is my late teens, when i would read feminist crap and think, "What a load of crap!" Precisely when that attitude started i don't know. What i do recall is how i became involved with the online MRM. One day, about 8 years ago, i was googling "Domestic violence against men" when i bumped into a Glennsacks.com post about an athlete who was attacked by his girlfriend, called the cops, and was then himself arrested! I guess it was then that i realized things were even worse than i thought!

Allblacksworldchamps · 2016-02-02T22:27:09+00:00

Took Me a long time, I was always taught the chivirous notions of looking after womens interests and while I would never call myself a feminist (mainly due to messages I was getting that men and sex were dangerous) I did want to help/save women from these bad men and their own bad choices. This was a time I placed them on a pedastal (boys school, only brothers, protective of mum etc). Both parents were committed to working together after their divorce, so I did see both perspectives a bit more neutrally than a lot experience.

So even through uni I held a distorted image of women. Ironically I did psychology and most of my confidants were female, and for a while there it seemed as if everyone was disclosing their rape stories to me (once they knew what I was studying). I slowly grasped that there were not so many innate differences, the individual differences dominate these, and started to judge people less on gender than and more on their internal motivations (I can still work with good people that I disagree with).

I was also raped during an illness, I threated to throw up on her, I got back all the classic rapey lines, as if she was playing, "you know you like it... Shh it will all be over soon... the struggle turns me on. When I threatened to punch her she said this would be good as I would provide evidence for her to say I raped her (on my back the whole time). I knew the police was not an option, and perhaps because I was older (30ish), perhaps because I had talked to a lot of female victims and I knew the advice from a call line, I did not bother. It never really got to me, I never believed it was my fault, it was just something she did and was her that should feel bad about it (although I was nervous that she would get pregnant). It was also not something that was likely to be repeated once I was healthy. I called her and it took 3 days of talking before she actually got it that she had raped me, more than the cursory, you know you liked it etc..

I then entered a relationship with someone who was raised in violence and manipulation. I never bought into it, and seperating myself only increased the responce. I was constantly calling her on the manipulative tactics, and actually had a good discussion with a policeman, where he innatly believed me (a surprise) and gave some good advice, basically its not fair but be sure what you can prove. When I threw her out for the second time she took my son back to her family. By my instruction she could see the dynamics at play in her family, and within a week she left them for the womens refuge, where I picked her up. The violence stopped instantly as she could now understand what she was doing.

I returned to Uni after this (@38), and my partner amoung trying to sort out her emotions, no therapy, just the internet, she found the MRM and took a likeing to Karen Straughn. In discussions she then bounced these ideas off me, what do you think, is this true? She is still more antifeminist than I am by a long shot, and very worried about the world our son inherits. But since the first ideas sat well with what I had previously knowen to be true, I did a politics paper on the MRM, and dug into understood and tried discrediting the talking points of the MRM. I got a fair bit of push back when presenting this to the class, especially over the anti feminism, but very positive responces for the issues, and the new light the MRM delivered. The general feeling was that you cannot advance one groups human rights by attacking another groups human rights. Even with my best efforts to paint feminism as an analytic lens, and womens rights as the human rights part of this, there was probably only two out of 12 that were intrigued by this, and not just emotionally revolted, by the time I got to the final essay I had this polished enough to get an A from a staunchly feminist professor (ie had repeatedly stated girls have so many problems to deal with in uni).

Tip: one part of this was to jeteson the wage gap lines, this is not a mens rights issue, nor should it be if men are paid less due to x,y,z factors. I did have to focus on affirmative action, if there is classes for girls in stem, why not boys in reading (pro tip there are). If there is to be more femlae managers, foucus on the training rather than the selection. These made the message more receptive.

BlightedArrow91 · 2016-02-02T22:46:56+00:00

Quite literally since i was thirteen(i'm twenty-five now). Quick disclaimer since it holds a shit load of relevance; I'm Canadian. Throughout my early childhood i was a rambunctious child, always fidgeting and always getting into trouble due to being what the education system considered a detriment to the other students(in my own personal view I merely needed to be educated in a manner more suiting well...a boy, and i needed sports) in response to such actions I was placed in several group homes by my mother and placed on ritalin until i was 12. At 12 when i was told i was no longer of the age to remain in the group home my mother forced my father to put me in his care via threatening to put me in foster care if my dad did not take me. My father took me and when he did took me off of all medication and allowed me to be who i always was, a happy and rambunctious child. When i moved onto high school i was able to be taken out of "Behavioural" classes and placed into a regular class, that is until a female classmate slammed my laptop off my desk, resulting in me punching her in the ovaries(im dead fucking serious, bitch deserved it, it was a 1500$ laptop) the female teacher insisted to my father that i slammed my OWN laptop off the desk and then proceeded to punch her. two years after that i chose to leave home and attempt to live with a roomate and his mother due to me and my father not having the best relationship, during my stay there my roomates mother had molested me on two seperate occasions and any time i attempted to stop it, i was told by her that noone would believe me, and threatened to say i raped her. go ahead another year, and i was sexually assaulted in my sleep during a party by a gay man, when i came forward to the group of friends who attended the party, all but the females believed me and had sympathy for me, the females on the other hand claimed i must of enjoyed it for not "kicking his ass" (i left the house the party was at when i woke up with my dick in his mouth) the female friends attempted at several occasions to have us be at the same party or event afterward, neglecting every time to tell me he was there. Fast forward to age twenty, and after the murder of my best friend three days earlier, my ex girlfriend dumping me, and several other things happening, while over at my mothers for a weekend i had a nervous breakdown, threw my belongings out the front door while she was out, and barricaded myself indoors and attempted suicide, as the police showed up my mothers neighbor informed them that we had a screaming match the night prior, and as such they blew the situation vastly out of proportion and brought in swat, by the end of the incident my mother viewed "jail"as a place to get me help and charged me with verbal assault for the night prior as well as mischief for the barricading. when i was in jail i was refused on numerous occasions the opportunity to use the phone to call my father, refused bail despite the only life that was put in danger by my hand was my own, and was told by my female lawyer that due to the charges at hand i should take a plea deal, spent two years on probation and cannot carry a weapon even for self defense for ten years.

All of this continuous systemic hate and misandry directed toward me since i was a child has led to believe men are disadvantaged and disbelieved more than the "fairer sex" in almost every occasion, But the odd thing is, i do not hate women at all despite any of this, i hate society for it.

antifeministstuff · 2016-02-02T18:58:12+00:00

Logic and 19

kaosethema · 2016-02-04T05:31:19+00:00

36, gf wanted to get married, I didn't.

I dump gf, she turns out pregnant. I suggest marriage, accuses me of trying to run away.

tells a third party, in front of me, that I'll be paying X amount in support. thought it was a joke, I don't take it seriously.

Later, I tell her I can only pay N amount. and plus she makes more than me. Tells me we're going to court.

Dumb white knight in me thinks "Judge will see I can't afford X amount so judge'll agree to my N amount. and plus she makes much more than me."

filling out the forms, telling them how much I make, how much rent I pay, other bills, job related expenses. Dumb White Knight thinks "the family courts will look after me"

Through the process, I find out that she makes $40,000 more than me. MALE judge doesn't bother to look at my paperwork, finds in her favor, (impatiently) asks me if I have any questions.

ignores my questions and tells me it's not about me but "its about the child."

I think "but a child needs its father, what kind of father can I be if I can't pay my bills?" but don't say a word because the epiphany leaves me breathless.

judge goes on to tell me to not bother appealing as it would be a waste of the courts time.

I barely survive the following four years. nice paycheck is humbled by taxes. my humbled paycheck is then raped by the support payments. the corpse of my paycheck is then raped by rent. I'm left with with $20 on a good month.

the Dumb White Knight within died.

Suicide seemed like the only option.

my daughter's smile kept me alive.

lolzerker · 2016-02-03T07:59:52+00:00

It really sunk in for me after my wife walked out on me and our eight month old daughter. I quickly noticed the lack of support systems in place for full time dads in Michigan. I first came across daddit and then this sub. It wasn't long before I realized that the issues we discuss were values I had been holding for years.

My friends are all extremely liberal and all identify as feminists. I have been verbally attacked time and time again for not agreeing with their ideals.

I have felt marginalized as a man and father. Now that I have this sub and found my voice, I feel more assured of my life and self.

My daughter and I are doing great and I am so proud to say I was awarded primary physical custody. I beat the odds!

Sorry if this is rambling. Posting from work.

Title	How and at which age did you become MRAs?
Author	MalibuStayZ
Upvotes	25
Comments	28
Date	February 2, 2016 2:04 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/43ubsr/how_and_at_which_age_did_you_become_mras/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-and-at-which-age-did-you-become-mras.957139 https://theredarchive.com/post/957139

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