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xpost from /r/domestic violence I couldnt imagine staying with a woman that could do that to me

comment_in_anagram

August 8, 2014

123 upvotes

/r/MensRights

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Title	xpost from /r/domestic violence I couldnt imagine staying with a woman that could do that to me
Author	comment_in_anagram
Upvotes	123
Comments	62
Date	August 8, 2014 11:15 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2cyylu/xpost_from_rdomestic_violence_i_couldnt_imagine/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/xpost-from-rdomestic-violence-i-couldnt-imagine.997182 https://theredarchive.com/post/997182

Comments

[–]HQR3 18 points19 points20 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

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[–]popwobbles 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]lldpell 6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]josh_legs 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Olipyr -3 points-2 points-1 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

He has my sympathy to a point. After that, the blame shifts to him for refusing to leave such a situation. But, I don't know the situation and can only speculate.

Usually people abuse people like this fellow because they know they won't leave or can't leave.

If they won't leave, then it's on that person for not leaving. That is a choice.

I hardly see how a person can't leave such a situation beyond it being life or death. They stay, they live, and they leave, they die.

It takes a lot of planning to do so after being together for so long. Yes, the situation is horrendous, but if one is choosing to stay, that's on them.

The victim, in this case, does need to take some responsibility for the fact they won't leave the situation. This shouldn't be an emotional decision outside of getting the abuser mental help or put in jail.

[–]josh_legs 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Olipyr -3 points-2 points-1 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sir_Fancy_Pants 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Methodius_ 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]PooYaPants 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Methodius_ 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

It's not a matter of saving enough to get a new place. My current job isn't very stable, as it's basically on-call. Whenever my clients have work for me, I get money. When they don't? I have to use the money I made from the last time I could and hope I get by.

So right now the first thing I'm trying to do is find a decent job. I'm hoping to find something out of state or out of the country so I'll have an excuse to move away from her, with the guise of "I'd like to go by myself first to see if I can even afford it". Then, once there, I'll break ties and be done with it.

I don't have anywhere else to go, really. My grandparents offered to let me stay with them for a few months, but they said that past that I would have to move out. Unfortunately, there are not many jobs in my career available.

Fortunately for me, she isn't violent. As I said before, she's emotionally-abusive. She'll find all kinds of ways to make me feel like shit for things I shouldn't feel like shit about. She'll talk down to me and treat me like I'm basically her slave. But then a few hours later she'll be really sweet to me, but not very much.

I appreciate the concern.

[–]PooYaPants 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Methodius_ 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]PooYaPants -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Methodius_ 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sir_Fancy_Pants -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Methodius_ 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Yes, clearly I'm a massively unlikeable person. Or it could just be that, y'know, I moved away from most of my friends to live with this girl, and don't have anyone I could stay with in this area. And the few friends that I could've done that with? They've since moved away (many of them landed jobs in other states).

I hate people like you, who judge people on the very bare minimum of facts. And the fact that you've even going "grow a pair of testicles" tells me that you basically don't even belong here, with that sexist bullshit. I'm not less of a man because I put up with emotional abuse to make sure I don't get thrown out on the fucking street.

I would never say that my situation is worse than, say, the guy with the wife who is physically abusing him. But I am in a pretty shitty situation, and I'm trying to get my way out of it. But in all seriousness, if all you're going to do is antagonize people? Go fuck yourself.

[–]Sir_Fancy_Pants -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Lol, so where do we begin, the fact you think we should feel sorry for you because you are leaching off your girlfriend and don't like the way she treats you and you think you are the victim?

My god the delusion is strong with you, lets reverse the genders shall we, imagine a woman on here complaining her boyfriend treats her like shit and makes her feel bad but she has to stay with him because he provides for her and she needs his financial support.

You think everyone would be up in arms calling him an arse, no they wouldn't they would call her out for the self entitled cunt she is, and in this case ITS YOU.

You really are unbelievable, you are basically calling yourself a victim because you lack the stones or means to support yourself and need someone to bail you out, and the person who is currently doing so treats you without the respect you want.

Either put up with it or leave it really is fucking simple, it is unbelievable you think you are the victim because you have to stay with her because she financially supports/helps you.

People like you make me sick be they man or woman.

Not only do you have no stones or spine, you have no dignity either, the only things you do seem to have is a victim complex and sense of self entitlement.

No wonder you don't have any friends

[–]Methodius_ 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

the fact you think we should feel sorry for you because you are leaching off your girlfriend and don't like the way she treats you and you think you are the victim?

Where did I say that my girlfriend is providing for me? Both of us live with her family. I pay fucking rent to her mother so I can have a bedroom to sleep in.

So again, good on you for trying to draw conclusions without knowing all of the facts!

you are basically calling yourself a victim

Where did I ever say I was "victim"? I just said I was in a shitty relationship. Because I am.

and need someone to bail you out

Did I ask for a bailout? No. I'm confident that I'll be able to find my own way out soon, thank you very much.

and the person who is currently doing so treats you without the respect you want.

But yeah, I clearly just have a victim complex and a sense of entitlement. People like you are what's wrong with this movement. You see this in absolutely every situation possible.

And I have friends, you ass. I just don't have any that within a decent distance from me that have places for me to be able to stay. Some of them are still in college dorms. Some of them don't live in the state we grew up in anymore.

Again, promptly go fuck yourself for being so goddamned judgmental. Get off your high horse.

No, the person who offered me an alternative didn't take into account that I'd be uprooting my entire life to go live somewhere that offers me nothing that I want out of my life. I didn't spend five years and $40k+ to get a degree all so that I can throw it all away and go do manual labor somewhere and end up like my father. I'm going to get a job in my career field sooner or later.

[–]Sir_Fancy_Pants -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Dear god your wheels of delusion continue to rotate .

It doesn't matter if you pay rent or not, how can you be so stupid to not understand that by virtue of you claiming you cant "just leave" means you acknowledge you NEED HER/THEM.

Let me explain very simply because you are clearly not very intelligent. If i am paying rent with someone i don't want to be with , i go and find a new place to pay rent and then just leave, it really is that simple.

Your problem is you probably pay a pittance on rent and cant afford to actually support yourself without getting a massive reduction because you are romantically involved with someone.

Put even more simply if you are fairly "paying your way" where you are right now, then there is absolutely nothing at all to stop you paying your way somewhere else. Under a different roof in a different place.

If you cant afford to THEN YOU ARE USING THEM FOR YOUR OWN NEEDS, be it subsidised living or housing costs or whatever.

Jesus christ you are such a self entitled cunt. if you need them put up with it and shut up, you are not a victim you are knowingly making a trade And whining because you want more.

No one owes you cheap housing/living if you live with girl x she gives you that but she treats you badly, i would tell her to go fuck herself and move out, you don't because you think you are entitled to the support(access to cheap housing) and can dictate the terms of how she should be.

I would tell you to go fuck yourself, i would tell a woman in exactly the same position to go fuck herself too, you are a self entitled cunt in my eyes.

[–]sillymod 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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