I honestly dont think that i can love anyone. There would be no trust and I'd question everything. It wont be healthy and probably just cause more stress than if i just stayed alone.

For example id question if shes with me cus she actually loves me or cus im just the best option at the time. I'd question if she actually feels sexual desire for me or if shes just putting up with it - this is probably the most degrading thought i ever had. Imagine that, How could you possibly be happy staying with someone that may not feel any sexual desire for you? If any man feels that way and stays then holy shit, thats a new low.

And a lot more shit, Like am i just being used? Will she cheat? Treat me like shit? Leave me and take my shit that i worked so hard for? Imagine having to visit your child and see the guy she left you for? Beyond degrading.

I just dont see how people are willingly able to risk it. Maybe im just risk averse, but hell nah. Im rotting alone its much more peaceful.

Maybe ill just start visiting escorts when im 25-30, idk.

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