We met each other at 18 and 20., and we’ve been together for 20 years.

Five years ago we had a miscarriage at what would have been our 3rd child coming into this world. It was very early in the pregnancy, and it never showed signs of actual life other than cell division. However it wasn’t the good kind.

Afterwards, due to genetic and family history complications, she ended up having a complete hysterectomy. She tried a few different HRT treatments, but they made her skin crawl and she was hating life.

Since then, due to trauma and hormonal changes, the intimate part of our relationship has fallen to nothing. I don’t mean just sex, but all senses of the word.

Recently, she ended up taking a job that requires much more of her attention, which has been great for our family. However the increase of stress in her life has quadrupled, and whatever intimacy we did have is gone.

We’ve been in this cycle where things are great and we feel great together, but it doesn’t last, and we find ourselves screaming at each other. I tell her exactly how I feel, but ultimately she says that she is unwilling to care enough to engage over the long term for us to make any changes in our relationship. Specifically telling me that she no longer cares enough to even try.

Today she yelled to everyone in the house (kids included), in frustration with me, that we are getting divorced.

I’m at a loss as to why someone who has never quit anything in their life, would start now. Why is it that she’s willing to throw it all away without a second thought about what she can do to make an effort towards long term meaningful change?

This is not to say that I am entirely innocent. I’m just as guilty of allowing anger to consume me over what our life could be like again, with some effort.

But I just don’t understand.