Just a thought I had. It’s been over 2 years since my ex said she wants a divorce and we separated. We were in a loveless marriage and stayed in it just for the kids. I hoped that we would be able to make till the kids left the house and we could rekindle the relationship while we toured the world. It wasn’t so.

Since the separation I’ve made huge improvements physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, etc. All of it was keep myself sane through the divorce process and to get ready for post-divorce life. While not living the high roller extravaganza life, I’m doing good. I have a better relationship with my kids since I talk to them and not having to be tied down as the “authoritative” role. I eat better and healthier since I cook what I want and not what was just served to me. I threw out the dad clothes and bought clothes that fit me. I can actually see my abs that I haven’t seen in years. I started to travel and explore new places and experiences. Through a lot of self reflection, I worked through a lot of anger issues and embraced a new positive attitude.

During my last period of self reflection, I realized that if I had done these improvements while married, I would have been a better husband and father and could possibly saved the marriage. But, the catch-22 is that big changes that I made required big motivation. If someone told me that improving myself would make me a better husband and father, I probably would have nodded and continued to be miserable in my marriage. There wasn’t that traumatic bitch slap of divorce to wake me up and get me going. I’m sure someone reading this will say that I also wouldn’t have the time to improve myself with family obligations. To that, I would say “maybe, maybe not”. When I was miserable, I did a lot of avoidance activities (e.g. playing video games, drinking, watching TV, etc.) That time, could have been used to improve me.

Now how does this epiphany help me (and possibly someone out there)? It’s a lesson learned for the next relationship: Don’t get complacent and stop working on improving myself. Anyway, enough time today spent on Reddit, need to work on my next task. Take care my brothers.