Agonizing over having the talk

47omek · 2022-02-22T14:56:33+00:00

Don't "have the talk". Get an attorney, prepare in every way possible upfront and practice complete opsec until you have every duck in a row. Then just file and hand her the divorce petition. All you're doing by "having the talk" is giving your soon-to-be opponent in a lawsuit the opportunity to go scorched earth with false domestic violence allegations, dissipating assets, running up debt that you're going to be at least half responsible for, and/or alienating children against you.

What's the purpose of "the talk"? Do you think she's gonna just magically come to some realization that she's been wrong all along and a horrible wife? Even if she claims that's the case you know it's not true and you're just going to end up right back where you are, except she's going to have time to prepare to grape you in the upcoming divorce.

AreaGuy · 2022-02-22T16:57:02+00:00

I did the talk and gave her my reasons. They’ll never be enough. Two years later she still wants to know more reasons and calls the ones I gave her bullshit.

Oh well. I just tell her we’ve discussed it, I’m not here for further discussion, I just want to [accomplish agreed-upon task] that brought us together temporarily in this place.

skaelee · 2022-02-22T14:47:27+00:00

Damn bro that’s deep you gotta do this for your son sake because he will mold himself after you if he sees that your letting his mom make you miserable and you do nothing about it this will rub off on him your right your son thinks that’s what a relationship is better yet a marriage (it’s not) show him as a man you need to have a backbone and let no women run your life if she’s not gonna meet your needs even if she is the mother of your child but make sure you have everything well planned out

CrazySanta7 · 2022-02-22T14:55:07+00:00

You've posted on the other divorce sub months ago about this same thing.. Are you going to take advice if given here? I'm not saying it is easy, but there is no right time to do this. If you can't communicate, your future relationships are doomed.

How would you feel if roles were reversed? Your wife is unhappy, but never tells you. I'd be pissed. It's happened to many dudes on this sub. You are wasting your and her time. Furthermore, your indecision is impacting your kids as unhappiness comes out in other ways. It sounds like you are a 'nice guy' who does not like conflict. You've got to get it done. Write a letter and give it to her or read it. You don't need any other reason except you are not happy in the relationship. Good luck.

CaliDude75 · 2022-02-22T19:39:26+00:00

Don’t put it off. If your mind is made up, better to just “rip the band-aid off” and get it done.

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2022-02-22T20:54:26+00:00

“I’m not happy with this relationship. I want to go my own way. It has been nice, but it does not work do me any more. For the sake of the kids, let’s separate in a friendly way. “

THX5635 · 2022-02-23T02:01:45+00:00

This was me 3 weeks ago. I fully sympathize with you. It's so hard to do it, especially when you have good intentions. I printed off a packet of papers from the state website and brought them home with me from work so I couldn't hide it. The only downside was she was right there when I set the papers down after walking inside the door. I didn't get to do it the way I wanted to, bit it still forced the conversation to start. Having the physical papers in my hand that we need to fill out was so helpful in moving things along.

pegleg_legal · 2022-02-23T11:00:14+00:00

If you blindside her and telegraph your intentions without being totally prepared, get ready for her to hand you your ass. "The talk" makes for good hollywood but if you have made up your mind, protect and prepare, file and serve. If you feel you need to talk to her, it should be when you have everything in place. Then gauge her reaction over the following hours or days to see if things will be amicable.

You are ending your relationship with her and you have a kid. This is a game changer and you may think you know her but you can't possibly know how she will react. Be prepared.

Title	Agonizing over having the talk
Author	unhappily1980
Upvotes	8
Comments	11
Date	February 22, 2022 2:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/syodk7/agonizing_over_having_the_talk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/agonizing-over-having-the-talk.1210867 https://theredarchive.com/post/1210867

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