Dealing with being the less social parent

beformless · 2023-04-17T22:25:34+00:00

Don't worry to much about it. If you are a great dad you will never fail your kids. You are allowed what you want to feel. Divorce is hard. You are your own worst critic. Your not a loser. Only if you think like a loser. Don't let an IT job define who you are as a person. I know a lot of very outgoing and vibrant people in IT. Start small, say hi. Talk about your kids and show interest in theirs. Easy conversation topic to start. Let if flow from there or not. But you did it anyway. Takes time to build out your social skills. I believe in you..

Retying3043 · 2023-04-18T01:18:54+00:00

Bro I am the same way as you. Very introverted and hate being around people. Ex was way better at the social stuff. But I am finding my way. Just keep showing up. Show up to your kids activities at their school. Have birthday parties for your kids and invite people. Get their parents’ phone numbers when they RSVP. You don’t need to be buddy buddy. Relationships will naturally develop especially once your kids start requesting play dates. That will give you an excuse to make contact with other parents. Just make sure they have your number so they can contact you when their kid wants to play with your kid.

Exsomos · 2023-04-18T01:07:18+00:00

I know your worry, I’m entering this world myself currently. I don’t know how in the hell were supposed to be Dad and funny and playful and loving and cuddly, when we’re in the middle of the most horrific and painful part of our lives. It sounds daunting likely to be impossible to put on the mask needed to be a good Dad when you’re hurting like this.

Talk to your kids. Ask them about their day. Ask them what they want to do, or want to be, and what they wish for. To me, that seems more important than being buddies with the other parents. Plus, this allows you to focus your efforts more in your kiddos directly, instead of being social when you don’t want to be.

Good luck dude. And hang in there.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-04-18T03:04:40+00:00

Just enjoy spending one on one time with them. They don't need to be doing playdates all the fuckin time.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-04-18T03:34:36+00:00

I am the more social parent and her failure to arrange social activities for the kids was a constant source of conflict. She didn't realize it was a problem, you do. Already light years ahead of the game.

You don't need to be super social to support their social life.
How much does being around people drain you and what do you need to recover?
Empower them to create their own social life. My 9 year old boys schedule their own playdates because the ex doesn't do shit about it. It works and I just do logistics and confirm with their friend's parents.
Your parents know you, ask them to take the lead in organizing. The were probably standoffish to respect Ex's territory.
Use your calendar to set monthly, weekly reminders to reach out to folks.

You totally got this.

EDIT: And finally, know your limits and enforce your boundaries. No good comes from exhausting yourself.

New_Classroom_1840 · 2023-04-17T22:26:11+00:00

I'm with you. When my daughter was in school it was easier because I did the pickup and dropoff, so I was hanging out with the other parents and at least knew them. Things changed tho, and part of the divorce process was my ex connecting with the other divorced mom's, whose daughters are my 13yo daughter's friends. So a week with mom is all the teen socialization she wants, and what's a week with dad going to be? I'm prety scared of how this is going to go. On top of that, I used to have a really flexible schedule, so I could take off for field trips, extracurriculars, whatever. Now my job isn't giving me that, and teens don't want dad around. I'm facing the same as you.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2023-04-18T20:05:56+00:00

Bro, just like you took the time to learn and be great at your job, you are all ready great at your job as a dad, expoun on what you offer them as a stable Dad, adjust, adapt keep it moving. Don't worry about their Mother parenting and interaction. You, we, us, got this....

ProcedureAltruistic3 · 2023-04-18T20:55:43+00:00

13 year old daughter? God bless you for that alone by brother

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2023-04-19T18:21:30+00:00

Just be yourself. Your kids know you and want to do the things you have always done together. I have three daughters and they want to do different things with me than they do with their mother. My oldest knows I will go watch her boyfriend play baseball with her and the younger two like to watch movies or play video games. Things their mother doesn’t want to do.

I understand though. I took my youngest to her competition this past weekend and I didn’t know any of the parents. I met a few through natural interaction and the rest of the time I kind of hung by myself and just let her know I was happy to be there and loved to watch her compete.

aj357222 · 2023-06-13T09:48:44+00:00

Hey OP, acknowledging this thread is a little stale but it came up in a search and serendipitously, I too occupy the less-social-parent role and an unexpectedly thrust into figuring this out post-separation from my spouse of 17 years. Three kids…school, sports, socials. All that.

I genuinely hope things are going well and getting better for you now, almost two months since your initial post.

Title	Dealing with being the less social parent
Author	unhappily1980
Upvotes	14
Comments	17
Date	April 17, 2023 9:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/12pxpmg/dealing_with_being_the_less_social_parent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dealing-with-being-the-less-social-parent.1214637 https://theredarchive.com/post/1214637

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