Am I in the wrong here?

Gattsama · 2022-11-14T05:16:40+00:00

So yes you can remove her from some things (firestick, WIFI), and yes it is pretty petty. I get her asking questions about them is also annoying. Here's the issue you are entitled to 1/2 of everything, including her pension. But this process works best when everyone is civil and as amicable as possible. You don't win points for being petty, even if she is as petty as fuck; try to take the high road UNLESS your safety is on the line or you are really getting rolled over.

The STBX lawyer-ed up and wasted about $250k+ of potential wealth. Don't know your situation (and don't think anything could have changed mine) but keeping the peace is likely in your best interest. Be petty after the ink is dry.

junkmailbox121 · 2022-11-14T05:59:33+00:00

Once you file there are standing orders that take affect like you can't acquire unnecessary debt, closing accounts, making changes to accounts/beneficiaries, etc. If you had separate accounts prior to the divorce being filed, I don't think you have to give her access to any of your accounts. I'm not sure if you could take away access but maybe your account passwords were compromised *cough *cough and had to be changed or turn on 2 factor authentication for "enhanced security". I'd get her off your internet, she probably wants you to be her IT person and will bug you any time there is an issue and who knows what she does through your internet connection. It's kind of weird that she would use yours and not hers if you have separate connections. She can call tech support if she needs internet connection on her internet connection. You're not her husband anymore in her mind so why should you help her out like she was your wife.

Get half of everything you're entitled to. If the tables were turned, she would want half and probably more. She's already trying to take advantage by not wanting to refinance. If she had 190K before the marriage and now it's 270K, you should ask for half of 80K (270-190). You should be entitled to half the change in value of her pension for the duration of the marriage. It may be difficult to determine the exact value but maybe ask for half of what she's contributed to for the duration of your marriage. Pay stubs should show how much from her paycheck was put into the retirement/pension. You'll be able to see the balances of all her accounts during discovery. Ask for everything you are entitled to in the beginning and later on if you don't want something use it to get some kind of concession from her.

If she doesn't want to refinance, force the sale of the home and ask for half of the equity. From now on, anytime she needs help, with the exception of things for kids, tell her to pound sand.

FunkyTownMascot · 2022-11-14T08:05:19+00:00

Not worth the animosity removing her from shared accounts will cause. It's costs you NOTHING to keep her on and removing her could spite her enough to cost you a LOT. Don't be petty and only fight over things worth fighting for.

Yeas, you're entitled half of her pension and savings if it was acquired during the marriage. Do NOT walk away from this to be "the nice guy." She would never walk away from it to be "the nice girl."

Talk to your lawyers. She may be able to pay buy you out of those houses with her half of those assets.

Greadle · 2022-11-14T11:29:42+00:00

I told mine she could use all the accounts then reset the passwords within an hour. It was fun to be petty over something petty.

pk2at · 2022-11-14T16:01:49+00:00

Go ahead and scrap all those accounts, make life hell for her

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-11-14T18:46:58+00:00

> waking me up at 5am for a Ring doorbell password and 4am

Psychological warfare 101. If you're not already sleeping in a different room, you need to be. One with a door that locks.

CaliDude75 · 2022-11-16T16:01:32+00:00

I can relate. Went through a lot of the same things. In terms of the refi, tough s#!t. The only other option is a quitclaim deed, which is a “lose-lose” for you. You lose rights to the property in the eyes of the government, but if she falls behind in payments, it will still impact your credit. She will have to do a refi whether she likes it or not. Yeah, interest rates are kind of high right now, but that’s not something you have any control over.

In terms of the other accounts related to the household, I left it up to her to contact them and change the name on the account.

Title	Am I in the wrong here?
Author	Massive_Concern1843
Upvotes	5
Comments	12
Date	November 14, 2022 4:31 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/yuov19/am_i_in_the_wrong_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/am-i-in-the-wrong-here.1139914 https://theredarchive.com/post/1139914

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