Hi. I(M51) separated from my ex in Sept 2013, divorce finalized in July of 2014. I knew something wasn’t right in the relationship after my second son was born in 2008. Priorities changed and anything that had to do with her personal endeavors (working out, running, fitness blogs, etc) became the focus. Her workout partner became a focus during that time. The “we’re just really good friends” type of stuff. Pretty typical for some of these subs that I have been lurking in. Trust your gut. I move out, somewhat and two months later I walked in on them in my bed on a Sunday morning(my house, I pay ALL the bills) when I returned to do some laundry. I’ve been re-living this moment since then. Up until this point she was trying for R. I can’t believe I didn’t pummel this guy as he sat at my kitchen table and drank my coffee from my coffee cup just after he fucked my wife in my bed with my mother’s picture watching. Granted we weren’t together at this point, but it was still my house and confirmed everything I had a gut feeling about. I sold them my house and they got married five weeks after I received divorce papers. They only waited that long because I was out of the country on vacation and they knew I’d not be around.

Moving on - I’m with a wonderful woman for the past 9 years. We have our challenges. We’re not sure about the future for either of us. I have a hard time committing, so does she.

The point is: Anxiety is surfacing in my personality over jealousy.

My current partner has been interacting with a Senior VP at the company we both work at. It’s project based and they are both involved with the project, so interaction is necessary. I’ve heard some things about this man(Mid 60’s, rich, successful, not bad looking) that set off red flags. Separate apt in the city away from his wife in the suburbs. Wanting to have in person talks with my partner at a work social event. Rumors of flirting with the young women at the office(my partner is younger and attractive.) Not to mention we are not public with our relationship at work due to how it could look professionally, so her involvement with me is not obvious. He probably thinks she is single. She confided in me that they talked on the phone for about an hour a few days before the work social event. This is when the red flags started going off. The conversation with co-workers is expected. It’s how he kept offering personal details which has my radar up.

The fact that my radar is up has triggered so much anxiety that I couldn’t breathe when I saw the VP approach my partner while at the event. I have not brought it up to my partner. The VP could really put her career on a winning course, and my comments would be looked at as standing in her way of advancing her career.

Am I crazy in what I am seeing? Is my anxiety a product of trauma from the past or do I have valid concerns? I’m trying to set up an appointment with a therapist, but any advise would be helpful.