Beginning or end?

Slowloris81 · 2024-08-31T10:54:18+00:00

Sucks way more in the beginning. It is destabilizing and there are so many emotions and changes to process. Such a relief at the end, at least in my case (resolved custody on a 50/50 basis and almost there on the finances). It took two years from filing to get to this point so that helped in processing everything.

There are definitely still challenges but they feel way more manageable and you gain the confidence along the way that you will overcome them and can do what you need especially for your kids.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-08-27T19:01:55+00:00

Once you get over the mental block that keep recasting your ex wife in the light you saw her in when you were married it gets easier. Once you take off the rose tinted glasses and see the reality of the person you want out of your life the rest comes more naturally.

Your children are very young though so this won't be easy for a couple of decades. Maybe you'll be blessed and your ex wife will be a responsible coparent but most divorced women use kids as a way of injuring their exes.

It doesn't matter that she doesn't want you anymore. You upset her and since she uses others to process her feelings, you will be the agent of that for her. Healthy boundaries help but they do little with parental estrangement which is what I fear for you, since your kids are still babies.

bes753 · 2024-08-26T17:43:17+00:00

For me, going through the first few months and learning to accept that my marriage was ending felt much harder than the actual end. By the time we signed the final paperwork, I was ready to have her as much out of my life as she can be.

Exactly65536 · 2024-08-26T12:22:56+00:00

Generally, first it becomes worse, than it become better.

Then it's a very different thing depending on a situation. If you caught her having sex with a gardener, it's one thing. If she is divorcing you because you can't quit drinking - another. If you just can't agree on who takes out the trash can - a different dynamic again.

Also, there is no "we" in a divorce.

Fair-Effective3864 · 2024-08-26T04:24:06+00:00

The beginning was a lot of anxiety. I don't do well with all the unknowns. A few dozen players invited themselves to make decisions about my life. And I had no idea what my life would look like tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year.

The beginning was also a wrecking ball to the family. It took a long time for the new normal to set it. My ex actually helped by being the worst possible version of herself. After the 100th bite, I just didn't care any more. I just wanted her out of my life.

Divorce is pretty complex. Lots of moving parts. And each part may be aligned, misaligned, a mess, workable, a nightmare, or whatever. But in general, it all settled as time went on.

Boomhower113 · 2024-08-26T03:41:44+00:00

Which papers do you mean? The final ones? If so, I’ll tell you, my decree is getting filed later this week and I’m fucking stoked!

It sucked waaaay worse in the beginning. You’ll see.

probebeta · 2024-08-26T03:27:51+00:00

Mine was 4 yo and getting my lifestyle adjustments to make 50/50 work was pretty rough, even though this was very important to me. Not sure how custody will work but this adjustment can be pretty hard with the age of your kids. Gets better later though.

techrmd3 · 2024-08-26T00:24:53+00:00

it sucks the worst right after you filed or have papers served

the signing of the final decree is more a relief

Cheap_House8696 · 2024-08-25T23:50:47+00:00

I'm 14 months into the actual divorce process but 18 months into the divorce, if this doesn't get settled in 4 months we'll be divorcing longer then we were actually married.

I've come to a point where it's just life now, nothing upsets me or bothers me just another day another check to write. Use to live and die on everything single hearing now it's like a long day at the DMV.

HereinPA1 · 2024-08-25T23:03:26+00:00

By the end you just want the process to be over with. I didn’t feel anything once I got the decree, but I do clearly remember when I found out she was in her lawyer’s office signing the divorce agreement, the sense of relief that it was over gave me an immense feeling of peace.

The beginning was god awful, wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2024-08-25T22:54:56+00:00

Bro. I'm just a little bit ahead of you in the process. I filed a couple days ago (I have a 17, 14 and 9 y/o. The youngest is special needs).

The last two months have been, as you say, crushing, as I've tried to decide on the correct course of action. I lost 15 pounds on a small frame, I'm down to 140#, FML.

I now have clarity, but break down a couple of times a day. We were married for 20, together for 22.

You might be blessed in that your kids are too young to remember much.

Good luck, Brother.

Title	Beginning or end?
Author	PreparationNo7651
Upvotes	7
Comments	16
Date	August 25, 2024 10:35 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1f18wm8/beginning_or_end/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/beginning-or-end.1528369 https://theredarchive.com/post/1528369

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