Boundaries

pegleg_legal · 2022-07-05T02:17:31+00:00

Why don't you just go directly to the school? You should be authorized on everything.

tyyyy110 · 2022-07-05T02:12:17+00:00

Her actions are effin gross! She's absolutely doing this on purpose to hurt you. But keep your cool, and document. The tables will turn in your favor at some point. This is her power play. These made up boundaries aren't in yalls divorce documents are they? If not, then you certainly don't have to abide by them.

TraditionalThing8279 · 2022-07-05T03:06:30+00:00

My ex wife drove us to divorce by stonewalling and the silent treatment, sounds like what your ex is doing to you also.

If she's doing it because her current partner demands it that is obviously controlling but not much you can do.

Its difficult to co parent with someone like that, trust me I know. I'll send a text about a time I'm picking my son up and get nothing. I have to re ask hours later, sometimes multiple times just to get an answer. Its obnoxious and maddening.

Two reasons people do it. One to be manipulative and controlling because they know it drives you nuts, or because its how they learned to deal with difficult situations and stick their head in the sand and ignore instead of engage.

Addition_Radiant · 2022-07-05T14:01:27+00:00

Lol I can see her relationship lasting long.

Creative-Drop1816 · 2022-07-05T20:13:54+00:00

Just keep being a "cold gray rock" just like it sounds you have been doing. Some women will never get over the fact that they hold no power over the relationship they once had. This may continue for years.

It has been 4 years since my divorce and my Ex will still try to bait me into arguments, text me for something "urgent" and then not respond in kind. These little things are very easy to ignore. If all she does is ignore you just do the same and eventually things work themselves out.

What I find harder to ignore is manipulation of my kid, and doing dumb shit to my property. Obviously this needs some context.

The some of the things she does are subtle, but they are intentional. She has conversations with her folks when my kid is present about me that they obviously know he can over hear. I have had to address several things with my son and luckily he was older when we got our divorce, and he is able to see things for what they really are.

My Ex also would keep all the good clothes that I was buying him and every exchange he would come over in rags, forcing me to continuesley buy new clothes. From the outside it looks like it is just happenstance or coincidence. A few times would have been understandable, this happened for almost a year and a half. I finally broke down and asked my son what the deal was ( I try to never discuss issues with his mother and I) He filled me in that his drawers at his mom's were full of new clothes that I bought him and that my Ex bought him a set of rags every other week from a Goodwill/Savers to send him over with and he was embarrassed and ashamed to say anything to me.

When my son was younger he would borrow movies and I would let him take them back to his mother's house. My Ex would intentionally put the wrong DVD in the case and send it back. A few times, understandable. When it is every week and sometimes never getting them back or getting a empty case back.

The most recent example is about 6 months ago (a little over 4 years post divorce). My son had bought me a gift while out of town on a vacation that I helped my Ex pay for. I gave my kid a ton of money for his trip and he had got me a gift/souvenir. He told me he had gotten me something and when he got home it had gone "missing" before he came back to my place for the week. He told me what he had gotten me and that he knows he didn't lose it and that he would find it for me. This trip was well over a year ago now. My kid found the souvenir cup and finally brought it to me about six months ago. Come to find out my Ex had taken it and had been using it as her car ashtray for the past six months. It had been washed, but the entire cup has this ingrained cigarette butt smell. I keep the cup only to make sure my kid knows it is here and that I appreciate the gesture.

I addressed these types of issues in the beginning, but it isn't worth your time or energy. It is much easier to just dismiss the behavior and just know and take satisfaction that by ignoring the BS behavior you are taking their satisfaction away. Focus on your kids and everything else is just small stuff.

derelictherds · 2022-07-06T00:52:38+00:00

You might be able to access your kids' grades, report cards, etc online. Have you contacted the school?

As for your ex's behaviour - Set your expectations to zero. Communicate the important things to her then move on.. if she can't communicate like an adult then it's her problem. My ex went through phases with this type of nonsense... Silent treatment most of the time with occasional requests for favours in between (usually asking for money or seeking emotion support). If your divorce isn't final, then take note of the child-related communication issues and address them in the parenting plan. I included as much detail as possible because my ex is one of those special people who doesn't like to follow rules.

Title	Boundaries
Author	TheBoyBand
Upvotes	13
Comments	17
Date	July 5, 2022 1:56 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/vrmw5g/boundaries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/boundaries.1122990 https://theredarchive.com/post/1122990

Comments