Could use some advice/motivation

dadplup · 2024-01-17T10:39:55+00:00

Not everybody has the patience or willingness to keep pushing forward, regrets are the one thing that no matter what you can never get rid of, you have to live with them for a very long time, like you I put up with my nexw for so long, because it was important for me to say that I tried to fix things, that I gave her a second chance, that I tried to forgive her for her actions and I did, that's why when I made her leave I was sad but once my breakdown was done I was able to see s clearer picture of the future, I came out of the divorce in a good condition but not importantly without regrets.

Because I really tried, sometimes I get angry at myself and sad that I didn't get out sooner but at least I got out and karma has hit her life harder than anything I could ever do, I still feel bad for her and have considered teaching it to her to help her, but our daughter who will be 20 this year tells me that I shouldn't, "she wanted to be free so let her be free, whatever she does is no longer your coop, not your poop"

In time you will be able to move forward with life, next month it will be 2 years since my divorce was finalized and although I'm not where I want to be, it's gotten better, my health both physical and mental are in better shape that they were in the past, give yourself time and don't put yourself under unnecessary pressure.

Divorce is messy by nature but is better than to continue to be in a toxic relationship that will benefit only one person, is hard but by the sounds of it out needs to happen, I was married for almost 19 years I raised my stepsons and our daughter life gets better

CB33isGMC · 2024-01-17T06:19:08+00:00

You are not a chump.

Most men would die for their families.

That includes dying inside as well.

Don’t make light of the sacrifices you’ve made to try and salvage your family. You were still trying to look out for everyone’s best interests - as a great father and husband would.

I’m sure you love your wife on some level as a friend, as well. Your wisdom and foresight know exactly what the world has waiting for her. A lot of times for men it’s less about possessiveness, or being a sucker, and more about not wanting to see a dear friend make a grave mistake.

That being said, it’s a wrap Bro. Procrastination will only make the situation worse. Handle your business and get this past you so you can get started on your rebuild.

probebeta · 2024-01-16T22:11:36+00:00

Get ready for a very difficult time ahead. Divorce with kids is tough and for me personally the uncertainty about custody and finances is a a nightmare. Anger about her running with you money while banging other dudes is one thing, and then there's the other pain of actually losing money, 100% access to kids.

My advice is to skip the feelings, only time can fix the pain. Get ready to fight for what's yours, do not bend and never be "generous". She will not appreciate any favors and will want everything as she's walking out. This is what I learnt during this process from reading about it, and it turned out to be true!

PokerFriend247 · 2024-01-16T11:34:18+00:00

Where there is a will you can find a way through this, Learn , adapt and change.

Get a a paying temporary lodger. Sleep in living room couch if need be.

Do what’s necessary to make changes. If you make decisions from a position of fear and accepting abuse then your life is only going to have even greater suffering.

Kudos for reaching out and actually asking for advice.

Now take the final step and decide.

Own it.

Don’t be a doormat

You will no longer be Tolerating abuse Tolerating trauma help with domestic violence.

Wish you the best,

Character_Hippo90 · 2024-01-16T11:32:30+00:00

Admittedly your fears and self diagnosis of being a chump have contributed heavily to such disrespect and infidelity in your marriage. And sadly it will only continue as long as you avoid serious confrontation and allocation of consequences. Take some of the advice offered, create a positive image for your children, and inact drastic changes now.

captainchippsixx · 2024-01-15T17:10:23+00:00

You plan for divorce and don’t tell her. Line it all up. Going through this Crap and setting a bad example for your kids on what marriage is not the way to go.

Flimsy-Ad-1959 · 2024-01-15T17:07:22+00:00

Get this book. Like now. I have the audible book that I'm listening to at the gym. I need to get myself out of the house soon to work out and feel better. Anyway. Divorce Panic. A Guide for Men. It's 100% on the money for us guys. And fits your situation like a glove. Most of our experiences are damn close. And that is not a coincidence.

I'm sorry you are going through all this. Most of us guys don't deserve to be used and tossed away like the trash by our wives who are unhappy with their lives.

Beamformer · 2024-01-15T16:49:27+00:00

My ex definitely got more than she deserved, and she is miserable AF based on her text. She wanted me angry, I'm not. She knows that I have a hot girlfriend, and she knows I'm having the time of my life despite her financial success. I know it ultimately doesn’t go well for her or whoever has the misfortune to get involved with her.

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-01-15T14:46:38+00:00

It’s rough. It’s hard to accept our wives cheat on us. We deny it for a long time, no matter how obvious it would be to others. And once we can’t deny it any longer, we think we can do something to save our marriage.

But the thing is, we can’t. Once your wife lets another man fuck her, no matter what you want, she’s not your wife anymore. She won’t love you ever again, it can’t be how it was, you cannot start over. It doesn’t compute with how we as men think, but it’s true.

Once you can accept it’s 100% over (and it’s hard to take that step, it took me a year) you can focus on treating her like she should be treated; someone whose done worse to you than anyone has ever or will do to you, and someone who despite doing such evil is continuing to take from you in the divorce, with no shame for her evil.

She’ll definitely get more than she deserves, because she deserves nothing, she owes a debt to you but will continue taking. But she’ll get it sadly.

But you don’t have to let her get anymore than the law allows. And you can fight for your kids, 50/50 custody isn’t the same as a happy family, but it’s a very obtainable goal.

It’s hard to get there emotionally, especially so early. But talking with an attorney as soon as you can will help. Sometimes if you catch the affair early enough they might still be in an affair dog and be willing to sign a 50/50 separation agreement that is front loaded, to get resources to have more sex and get you out of her hair.

Really, a lot of info out there to learn and plan on, and you’re in the worst state of mind to do so. It’s a rough spot, but you’ll certainly survive

upvotersfortruth · 2024-01-15T14:38:46+00:00

You’ll do fine, you’ll be fine. Fight what needs to be fought but the relationship is over.

Title	Could use some advice/motivation
Author	Minimum-Country1848
Upvotes	12
Comments	10
Date	January 15, 2024 2:21 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1979u85/could_use_some_advicemotivation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/could-use-some-advicemotivation.1243048 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243048

Comments