I had the first meeting with a lawyer about my divorce. I chose this guy because he had a reputation for being a fighter. But he was not optimistic about my chances to get pretty much anything I want. 

Custody: 

(My son is 14- I posted details here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce\_Men/comments/1s6u5b6/comment/od7rzav/?context=1). The lawyer said usually the judge will follow the "status quo" and it's going to be easy for my wife to prove she has always done pretty much all of the parenting because she did because she's a control freak. My son is perpetually trying to avoid me. The lawyer said really the only exception would be if my son wanted to spend more time with me (he does not) OR if I can prove my son isn't "thriving", which includes academics, physical health, and mental health. 

So I got my wife to send me a record of his grades. Unfortunately he is doing very well in school, so I can't use that as leverage. I have obviously never taken him to the doctor but he does competitive figure skating and gymnastics as part of the figure skating "training" so I assume he's decently healthy and I know my wife cooks healthy food every night. So he's probably pretty healthy physically. Mentally is probably my best shot at having some leverage, just because he's very effeminate and dorky. But as far as I know he isn't on antidepressants or anything. He claims to have friends. Hard to believe but also hard to disprove. So basically I don't think I have anything to show that he isn't "thriving".

That being the case, the lawyer said my best bet is just to hang out with him whenever I can. I was telling the lawyer that I don't actually like hanging out with him. I don't want to hang out just to hang out. What I want is 50/50 custody to try to make him less like his mother made him. The lawyer said that's probably a wasted venture. We could try for 50/50 but nothing in my case points to that happening, he said. 

Money:

Even though my ex makes almost $100k more than me he didn't like my chances of getting alimony. Reason being, 1 I was unfaithful and judges don't like that and 2 She lives a very meager lifestyle compared to me. Except for paying for lessons for our son, she barely spends money. She still lives in the same tiny, shitty condo we got 15 years ago, she still drives the same shitty car, she cooks cheap food (think: leek and potato soup) and doesn't usually eat out, she only ever travels for work or our son's figure skating, etc etc. Whereas I have fancier stuff, go on vacation, etc. Even though that's her problem, my quality of life isn't going down. So no alimony. 

She will have to pay me to keep the condo. But he said she probably won't share my debt because most of it came from things related to my affair. But I might get some of her savings, probably not half, again because of my history of spending money outside of our marriage, which she didn't do. I disagree with that because most of the money she spends is on figure skating and I never wanted my son to figure skate. So that IS money spent outside of the marriage. But the lawyer said a judge won't see it that way because it's spent on the child from the marriage. 

Sooo that's all some bullshit. I did go into this knowing men get screwed over in divorce but it was worse than I even expected. 

So my question is: do I get a second opinion or do I just move on with my new life? I am very happy with my girlfriend and new place and all that. To be honest, I'm currently leaning towards move on. But then I think: wow, am I really going to let her wreck my son??? Without even trying to stop her??? Damn.