Does anyone else feel this way?

nf9519 · 2025-02-27T04:06:15+00:00

OP I hope you’re ok

BlueHarvest17 · 2025-02-24T14:18:16+00:00

I used to feel that way. (For context my STBXW asked for divorce a year ago, we're in mediation now, she chose to leave after I lost my job when my industry tanked, we have a 9-year-old child together). I would say it was easily 6 months before I even remotely started to care about anything. But what I did is just start doing things anyway, and letting my interest catch up to my actions. Now I look forward to rollerblading class with my daughter on Saturday mornings, I look forward to a weekly class I signed up for, I look forward to going to the gym.

I go to therapy, I've been meditating, I've been focusing on doing all the nice things I used to do for my STBXW and doing them for ME instead.

A year later, still not divorced, and I can say I'm in an okay place, where I have as many good days as bad days, and sometimes many more good days than bad days. I can think about the future again, and while it's a lot different than I thought it would be, I kind of like where it's going.

Go to therapy. Read some self-help books. Listen to some self-help podcasts. Talk to your friends and family. Talk to your doctor...you might try medication temporarily to help you over the hump. It works for a lot of people.

It's tough. Divorce is rougher on men than on women. We tend to have a much smaller to non-existent social support group. We tend to be focused on supporting our family but our spouse is either no longer there or actively betrayed us. We tend to get the worst of the deal on finances and custody.

But...all those things we were good at doing with/for someone else, we can do for ourselves.

It sucks now, but it will get better for you. And the best way to get there is to take meaningful actions of some kind.

Character-Change-507 · 2025-02-24T00:01:23+00:00

Been in that rut for nearly a year, its hard as hell. I'm slowly crawling out, the desire to do something with myself is taking over. I can't mope about it forever, gotta move on. I'm gonna start fishing once the ice thaws.

OkEmphasis5923 · 2025-02-23T22:02:59+00:00

Its called depression and its to be expected. The way you get out of the rut is 1) time and 2) to really feel the pain of what you're going through, the pain of the loss, the grief, the despair. Sad songs, journaling, daydreaming about a past that slipped through your hands, grieving a future that never will be, these are all important steps in the process. Your brain has to do that in order to move on. Its going to take a year or two. Don't try to take a short cut.

regertsrus · 2025-02-23T20:24:28+00:00

Yes i did. I found a new woman who inspired me to do stuff. You have to get over your past to enjoy the present and plan for future.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2025-02-23T19:47:35+00:00

Find something new, Bro'.

You're going to have to explore new interests, dig up old interests.

BJJ for me.

Good luck.

0neMinute · 2025-02-23T19:40:03+00:00

Used to be a big video game and whisky guy who worked IT.

Now I’m into tequila, pool, working out, mma/ boxing. Haven’t played video games seriously in a year.

For me i think it’s because i associate my old self with failure ( hobbies) i know that isn’t true but i just can’t get the same enjoyment i used to.

Imo its not a bad thing if your building to a healthy new you and i am still in IT but trying to push to an more customer centric role where i interact with people more.

Ie meet the new king same as the old king just different hobbies.

LoveCrispApples · 2025-02-23T19:16:04+00:00

Yes. There is a clinical word for it, but I can't remember what it is at the moment...

I never missed a puck drop on TV. I never missed a new video from my favorite YouTube personality. I never went a week without adding an item to my Amazon cart that had something to do with my hobby at the time...

I don't do any of that anymore. Haven't watched a game all year. Dozens of video updates, unwatched, the list goes on.

There's nothing wrong with us. The things we really like in life will come back in time, but I understand that divorce is a complete life changer and the things we couldn't live without don't hold the same importance. It's natural, I think, until our everyday equilibrium returns.

Title	Does anyone else feel this way?
Author	IndependenceCheap646
Upvotes	12
Comments	19
Date	February 23, 2025 6:58 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1iwhihi/does_anyone_else_feel_this_way/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-anyone-else-feel-this-way.1544739 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544739

Comments