First Divorce. Advice?

lifeisallihave · 2024-01-31T08:35:39+00:00

Never get married again! With that said, there's always someone you can talk to, like you are doing with us now. What do you love to do? Whatever you love doing, find like minded people to do it with, you are not an island. Go for long walks if the gym isn't your thing. If you do hit the gym, avoid training alone, join one of those training sessions, it's a game changer, slowly people will talk to you invite you to come train etc. Do not isolate yourself my young brother. You got this. Let her go, do not ever contact her again. Work and be successful in life and the right woman will come, you don't even have to search for her. Learn to love you and enjoy your space. Also try to change things in your house, anything that reminds of her you can donate to charity. Above all get to know who you are and who you want to be in the future. At your age, young bro are going to experience amazing things. Don't waste this opportunity. See a therapist if you think you need some guidance.

Thrownaway_marriage · 2024-01-30T23:36:31+00:00

Exercise and get into individual counseling. It's amazing how just talking about it and laying things out can help you organize your thoughts.

You'll most likely need some legal advice. If you have kids, maximize your time with them and make some memories.

RedWineStrat · 2024-01-30T22:27:17+00:00

Exercise. Lift heavy things. Run far distances. Work on you.

Exercise also provides a great dopamine hit.

stbcf_throwaway · 2024-01-30T21:38:18+00:00

This post could’ve been written by me. We were only married a few years (we both used to be Mormon and got married way too young). Only difference is, I was the leaver. She was baby-hungry and I slowly realized I didn’t want kids, so I ended it last week.

You’re on the right track, wanting to work on yourself. Take that week off and go do something you love. Find a therapist: they are invaluable. Mine is the only reason I’ve stayed sane through all of this. Meet up with friends, online or real. Go on long walks. Take deep breaths. We’re young, and now we have a second chance at determining the course of the rest of our lives.

upandatom85 · 2024-01-30T21:33:11+00:00

This is a copy pasta I share with everyone who needs it. Most of this will apply to you. If you think part of it does not apply just wait a bit... this is what is known as the list. Feel free to add to it. It will only help others.

Don't drink. It'll only hurt the situation. Trust me. You need to stay calm drinking will not help with this.

Do not lose your temper. If you do not stay calm you will lose. She wants you to get upset. She wants to be able to call the cops on you.

You can be darn sure she is going to try to get an EPO (emergency protection order) against you. All she has to say is there is escalating behavior and she is afraid for her life and boom. It'll cost you 10k minimum to fight it and have it thrown out.

Give your firearms to someone so she can't say that you threatened her. She may try to have your firearms taken away. It is difficult to get them back from the police.

Record every conversation and prepare for false domestic violence accusations (CUBE ACR records calls automatically and can also record on your phone in the background. Its free in the app store). Check your local laws regarding recording. An illegal recording proving you innocent is better than none at all.

She will try to provoke you to get you to say things to use against you. STAY CALM! RECORD EVERYTHING!

Lift heavy weights.

Walk. Daily.

Learn to meditate.

Get therapy. Honestly, it will help. No matter how tough you think you are we can all use a little help.

Change all passwords. INCLUDING YOUR PHONE! Mutual or not. Be sure she does not have access to your accounts of any sort. Get a new credit card. Fully separate finances. Figure out what you still need to pay and what is her fucking problem now.

She will try to clean out your account and will take anything she is able to. You need to prevent that. Chances are she is way ahead of you on this.

Secure important paperwork including tax information and anything she can use against you in a safe location.

She's 10 steps ahead of you. She's already told her friends/family/attorney. She's got big plans for your money and property.

She will try to get you out of the house. Do not leave your home! If she wants to end the relationship she can leave. If you are gone from the home she will claim abandonment and keep rights to the home.

Document every fucking thing. Keep a notebook in your phone(New safe password). Record interactions and important notes. Record all interactions. Women lie! Sucks, but it's true.

She will try to rewrite history. Things that happened will not have happened. What was said or done will not be the same as reality. This is called GASLIGHTING. Look it up and understand it! She will make you question your grip on reality. She will rewrite your history to make you the bad guy in her story, to justify what she is currently doing to you and what she has done to you.

If you're wondering if you need a lawyer then you needed one last month. Lawyers suck and are expensive. Get a good one.

Research GREY ROCK/180 METHOD, then implement It.

Research MONKEY BRANCHING and understand the female imperative. If she's leaving you she probably already has someone else. Sorry.

Research and understand BRIFFAULTS LAW.

Research and understand the LIGHT SWITCH EFFECT.

Research and understand DARVO TACTICS.

Look up FEMALIE SOLIPSISM.

This is a catch all list. It may or may not completely apply to you. Most of it will I'm sure. Good luck. Stay strong.

Books: the first one is a Canadian book!

-Surviving your divorce by Michael Cochrane

https://www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJzj4tFP1zc0Sso1K8tOMjdg9BIrLi0qyyzLzEtXqMwvLVJIySzLL0pOBQDu5g03&q=surviving+your+divorce&oq=surviving+your+&aqs=chrome.1.0i355i512j46i512j69i57j0i512j46i512l3j0i512j46i512.7999j1j4&client=ms-android-rogers-ca-revc&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

NO MORE MR NICE GUY is a book you should read.

If she cheated.... check out LEAVE A CHEATER GAIN A LIFE. And/or CHEATING IN A NUTSHELL.

If anyone has any advice or info they would like to add to "the list" please let me know.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-01-30T21:17:40+00:00

Do not get married again, we all share your pain and are here for you brother

Bluerednaz · 2024-01-30T21:14:23+00:00

As others of said, it is not help how, but you are still young. I get this stings. A lot. But you have a lot of life and happy days ahead of you

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-01-30T21:03:32+00:00

You are quite young to be going thru this and that is a double edged sword. The good part is you are so young, you can make an entire new life and at the end of your days, this marriage will just be a footnote. The flip side of being so young, and I'm speaking generally here, I don't know you...is you probably haven't been kicked around as much in life as say a man in his 40s or 50s. (I'm 45). It's hard for me to meet someone new bc by the time ladies are my age, most are terrible damaged. But having lost a lot just over the time I've been on this planet...my marriage failing didn't really shock me. I've suffered other blows that stunned me when I was younger. I guess you can only get hurt deep so many times before your skin starts to get tougher.

I will say this...even though I know you're probably hurting more than I was when my marriage failed...I'd trade places in a heartbeat brother. You've got plenty of time to put this mess behind you and make the life you want with someone better.

Android_1234 · 2024-01-30T20:59:00+00:00

You made a good move posting here. There are a lot of stories and methods of coping that have been very helpful to my very early journey.

Know that you are not truly alone in this and all of us here have had similar feelings and emotions. Our stories may be different but the hurt and pain are universal.

I would advise getting outside, seeing friends, doing a hobby you enjoy and exercising. Don't feel bad about not knowing how to process your emotions. I have had random breakdowns this last week and have been woken up in a cold sweat. It is important to feel those emotions though and do not bottle things up for too long.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2024-01-30T20:31:22+00:00

Focus on you…creating a life you love.

We’ve been taught to build a life around another person, that’s wrong that person has to be You

Create the life you love, and then invite a future partner into that. When a relationship ends, you still have a life you love.

Title	First Divorce. Advice?
Author	D_Phoenix_
Upvotes	8
Comments	13
Date	January 30, 2024 8:23 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1aeyavp/first_divorce_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/first-divorce-advice.1244202 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244202

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