For people with kids......

darealyst · 2026-05-22T20:37:37+00:00

I'm going to be crude: He's buying your ex-wifes pussy by sucking up to your son. Enjoy the free day care, let your son enjoy the free shit from the guy banging his mom. If you're 50/50 there is no reason freebabysitter should intimidate you at all. You are present in his life, and you made him. When she gets tired of him he will disappear, or hell be around for good, doing all the shit work with no future rights.

Hopeful_Divorce · 2026-05-22T16:33:18+00:00

It is natural for you to have feelings of resentment over your son's relationship with your ex's new partner. You are human, of course you feel anxious and even jealous about it.

The greatest gift you can give your son is a peaceful relationship with his mother and her new partner. Divorce doesn't generally screw kids up but living in a war zone often does. If you get territorial about the new guy and try to force rules that will restrict his time with your son, all you are going to do is force your child into a battle and make him choose sides. That will backfire on you and your child will end up hurt and eventually resenting you for putting him in the middle.

You have to rise above your feelings and be happy that the new guy isn't a jerk or dangerous. Be happy that the time your son is not with you there is a man around who can fill in the gaps of the guidance that only a man can provide to a young boy. You don't have to be buddies with the new guy and you are allowed to set reasonable boundaries - he's not a co-dad. But do what you have to do to let go of your feelings of resentment. Your son will be so grateful if you do.

darmitage55 · 2026-05-22T15:43:58+00:00

50/50 means he's with YOU half his life. That bond doesn't get replaced by some new guy with no history, no shared inside jokes, none of it. Kids know the difference between a dad and a fun distraction.

And honestly? Her saying "he loves this new guy" is probably doing exactly what you think it's doing.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2026-05-22T14:36:14+00:00

I can tell you as a child of an ugly divorce, the more my mom pushed another man into the picture the faster I wanted out!

Vokenhagen21 · 2026-05-22T14:15:04+00:00

It's being said to get under your skin. You ignore it, your relationship with our son is as strong as you make it (notice i didn't say force it).

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-05-22T13:40:13+00:00

'The one thing I am struggling with is the new BF. It's not their relationship that bothers me, but the one he is trying to form with my son.'

Fucking weirdos roleplaying daddy. Just fuck the fuck off.

TheDavenessPhD · 2026-05-22T08:31:39+00:00

Congratulations on your house. That's a big step.
The beauty of parenthood is that it's nothing like home ownership.
Bonds, connections, memories you have together, feelings, smells your children have known since birth (your smell), shared genetics. All of these things play a part.
And your son wouldn't choose to move on to a different dad, even if that dad was taller, stronger, wealthier or more masculine, because it's not his dad.
Your job is to keep showing up, to be the image of the man he wants to become, a man he can look up to: a man who's steadfast, diligent, patient, dedicated and kind. A man who would burn down the world before he would allow any harm to come to his son.

LaCathedrale · 2026-05-22T07:43:45+00:00

I'm in the same situation brother - it's not got to the point where she's discussing the relationship (or not) my kids have with this guy, but it's galling for my eldest (4F) to talk about beach trips with 'John', or how tall 'John' is, etc. - and though this group has reassured me I won't be edged out, it's tough.

I guess you have to think of it that it would have happened at some point. In the same way, I'm sure, it'll happen to you at some point and she'll probably feel the same feelings.

It's possible she's being a nasty person, but equally it could be that she simply doesn't 'see' the hurt her comments/actions are having on you because frankly, she doesn't care about your mental wellbeing or happiness anymore (which is likely).

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-05-22T07:32:47+00:00

I’m with you my friend. One thing I’ve done is disconnected when it’s not my parenting time. It sucks, it’s awful, and the last thing I wanted to do was not think of them when I don’t have them but it’s helped me the most. I also talked to my dr. and started a low dose anxiety medication. I lost 50% of my three young kids because she gave up on the marriage, but I took my own power back. I wish you peace!

Environmental_Tax_89 · 2026-05-22T06:50:07+00:00

Have to come to terms with reality. Honestly I’m still trying to process it mentally myself. I know the mother of my child is dating but we agreed that it would take at least 1.5 years in a relationship before we present someone to our son as their parents partner. Myself I hate the thought of him having to interact with another man other than myself in that sort of situation. I think I am purposely putting off relationships because I don’t want to introduce a new partner to him unless I know I’m certain it’s something real and long term. This might be a solid conversation to have in like a family therapy environment. I don’t think it’s fair for you to bottle those feelings and it’s not right for her to take little jabs like that at you. It’s very inconsiderate. I hope you figure it out my dude.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2026-05-26T01:49:01+00:00

From past experience kids hate conflict. That being said, your kids x wife should be crystal clear there is only one dad and her new guy is just that your son which is just a guy.

Title	For people with kids......
Author	The_Answer1313
Upvotes	12
Comments	32
Date	May 22, 2026 5:38 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tk9mf2/for_people_with_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/for-people-with-kids.1580936 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580936

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