Giving/Receiving Advice

Mysterious_Bet_461 · 2025-10-18T11:39:32+00:00

Definitely wish I had good friends closer to me who could have pulled me out of a failing marriage sooner. I elected not to share with the family and friends…I made excuses for her behavior and tried to accept her flaws in an effort to prioritize my marriage and that was a mistake.

If I had turned to this sub sooner, the guys would have set me straight…I may not have listened, but having no one to check my near constant irrational decisions when it came to my STBXW was silly on my part.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-10-17T00:40:17+00:00

The thing is that once any of Gottman's four horses of the apocalypse is present and one person has checked out, its almost impossible to save and the best advice would be to accept and divorce as amicably as possible without getting your boundaries overstepped.
I mean what does it matter if your friends say try and make it work which sounds like good advice when your partner is getting and following the exact opposite advice plus she resents you.
Unfortunately in todays modern society the mindset is replace instead of fix

Doc13075 · 2025-10-17T00:31:15+00:00

2 of my closest friends where I live basically said to keep trying but that it was in my own self interest to watch her and her behaviour towards me and make sure that I had a plan to protect myself if it became any worse.

1 of them was the friend who called to tell me she was at another blokes house. Where it was and if I wanted him there as back up if things got ugly.

Both good guys who have supported me through my darkest times. Both have said they seen what was happening and tried to steer me to see with my own 2 eyes as I'd have never believed what she was up to coming from them without proof. Both have been divorced previously and know the score when it comes to dealing with them when it all comes out etc. I'd only take advice from someone has lived experience of what I went through really.

Heavy-Interaction-47 · 2025-10-16T16:53:38+00:00

There are 2 types of friends. Enablers - they will tell you want to hear and keep doing you.

True friends - They listen, give advice and will be critical when needed. These are the ones you need .

Totesmagotes24x7 · 2025-10-16T13:30:24+00:00

My family told me it needed to end because of the way she treated me. I never wanted to leave because I loved my Wife so much. I'm learning a lot now through this process and where I need to be as a person. As far as giving advice I'd have to take into consideration the situation in the marriage. If cheating isn't involved and both parties are unhappy I'd say go to counseling and try to make it work. It seems like people are too quick to call it quits not realizing that love and marriage takes effort.

DivorceCoachGio · 2025-10-16T13:17:06+00:00

Not everyone in your circle of friends should be asked for advice.

Many will just project their own insecurities onto you.

A true friend will listen, challenge, not judge and help you get to where you need to be.

Choose carefully. If none fit the bill, seek advice elsewhere.

Accurate_Efforts · 2025-10-16T13:06:52+00:00

I didn’t really get much of the “hang in there” advice. A few of my friends already went through divorce, so it was more advice on how to deal with the immediate grief.

I am watching a dear friend go through filing on his cheating wife and I keep telling him, “future you is going to thank present you for getting through this.”

Title	Giving/Receiving Advice
Author	Tales-by-Moonlight
Upvotes	3
Comments	9
Date	October 16, 2025 12:57 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1o85g7m/givingreceiving_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/givingreceiving-advice.1564253 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564253

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