Haven’t been handling this well…

The_Restructured_Man · 2026-05-06T01:23:18+00:00

36 with no kids and an amicable split is objectively an easier hand than most guys in here are dealt… and it can still completely hollow you out. Don't minimize what you're feeling because the circumstances look cleaner on paper.

The isolation is the real enemy. When the marriage ends and the family thing lands at the same time, you realize the support structure you assumed was there... wasn't. That's a different kind of loss on top of the divorce. It forces a reckoning most guys avoid… who's actually in your corner and who was just there by default.

Does it get better? Yes. But not passively. "Things will get better" is actually the naive framing… not because it's wrong, but because it implies time does the work. Time just passes… what gets better is what you deliberately build during that time.

The guys who come out the other side stronger aren't the ones who waited it out. They're the ones who treated the isolation as a design problem… identified who deserved a place in their rebuilt life, built a daily structure that didn't depend on anyone else showing up, and gave themselves something to execute against every week.

It gets better. But you have to build it.

mdh5326 · 2026-05-05T01:51:39+00:00

Similar situation for me.

Amicable divorce. No assets. No lawyers. She had kids from a previous relationship.

I’m 18 months from the separation. Almost 1 year post-divorce (next month is 1 year). Which is crazy to think about. I would have sworn we’d spend our lives together. So cliché but it’s the truth.

Was is grief-stricken agony for the better part of a year. Still deal with some depression and a feeling of utter defeat.

She single handedly changed my entire life, stripped me of my identity, and left me absolutely devastated, lonely, and afraid. It is, by far, the single most difficult thing I’ve ever been through.

Right after she asked for divorce I had to put the dog to sleep. Had a few other hits along the way (long story).

This thing is going to take time. The other stuff kinda helps (gym, therapy, etc) but only acutely. Eventually you leave the gym, you leave the therapists office, you leave work, and you’re all by yourself again.

Which is where the work really is. Can you be okay being alone for a while? Or do you need someone else to validate your worth and make you feel visible? And why? Why can’t you validate yourself, if that’s the case? So on, and so forth

It does get better. It absolutely takes time.

Ark161 · 2026-05-04T22:31:41+00:00

Hey man, I feel you and it is alright to feel like shit about this. It is a shitty thing to go through and it completely fucks your world view. I will say this, though I was also lucky enough to have an amicle divorce, and I was told to be greatful, it honestly didnt help. 12 years together, through thick and thin. I swore I was doing everything I should be doing. I accepted her for her; flaws and all. I was never a sex pest. I tried to take her feedback on improvement. I did everything I knew to show her how much I cared and how much I was grateful we would be together through it all...well....yeah, that changed pretty fast. There was no cheating. There was no fighting. It was just a simple, "I want a divorce" and then she left with our dog. That put me in a REALLY bad spot mentally, emotionally, and eventually physically. I raw-dogged the shit out of it solo and it killed me; literally. Like, I am not joking when I say I shouldnt be here. the whole thing accelerated my heart condition and let me tell you, waking up in a hospital 1.5 weeks later with your family ready to put you in the ground kind of messes with your perspective on things a bit. Though in her own words, there wasnt a damn thing I could have done, at any time, to change the outcome.

Here is what I have learned man; we are our own worst judge, jury, and executioner. We will get hung up on the would/could/should and it will drive us mad. It is hard, but take inventory of yourself. Own your fuck ups, but hold her to hers too. Im not saying you ahve to hate her or lash out. However, you need to take her off the pedestal. Be honest with the cause and how you got where you are now. Sure, you may have had fault, but I can almost promise she did too. It will take time to get your head straight and there is nothing wrong for feeling like this. It isnt weakness when your world is burned to the ground to feel lost. You are having to let part of your die, and that isnt easy. Celebrate each small step; regardless of how mundane it seems. You will learn how to accept this in your own way. You dont have to like it or agree with it. You dont have to be vindicated or pretentious about it either. You just have to accept that it "is". Then with time, you will find yourself going back to things you enjoy. You have to remember that you enjoyed things before her, and you enjoyed them WITH her; not BECAUSE of her. Write out everything fucked up about the situation to you. try to follow those threads and figure out what you can do to get to the bottom of them.

Again, it takes time. Im two years post divorce and this shit still messes with me from time to time. Im getting better every day, but there are times it will rock my shit so hard I feel like im back at square one all over again. I just have to remember that each day is a step I choose to take. Even if I fall on my face, I can still move foward.

Kinda_Dave142 · 2026-05-04T21:05:07+00:00

Hey man, it will get better. An amicable divorce is a good place to start from. I'm 3 months into my second separation. Getting back to lifting weights has helped me both times. Get out of the house, get a long walk in, if it's near water, even better. Get a therapist, turn ChatGPT into a temporary therapist. Find some YouTube videos that talk about this stuff but try to avoid the ones that hate on women too much. You're 36, there are A LOT of single 30-40 year old women out there. In 18 months, you can be one of those guys on here writing about all your dating success. But get your head right first.

The_Okay_Baboo · 2026-05-04T19:30:28+00:00

Two years ago, my trucking business collapsed. I have some disabilities so odd jobs that didn't pay real well were all I could find. A little over a year ago, my little brother committed suicide. After that, my other business started flourishing and things were looking okay, but I did have a health scare. By that point, my wife of 23 years got her first real job in 12 years and decided she had used me for all I was worth, found something better, and was done. Just like that.

My entire life got put on hold right then and there. I closed my shop (50/50 ownership, but I did all the work), and left my paid off house to go live in a truck to get everything cleared up financially. We had a deal so that I had a place to live when the dust settled, but that of course, is not happening now. I've only returned home once, last September. The attacks came so hard and severe that I left with a full blown nervous breakdown. Unfortunately, I was unaware of that for another month.

So there I was, crazy, isolated, and I mean ALONE. I had one friend call me and he said some things that made me aware of my mental condition. Then it got worse. I was just about completely gone and couldn't stop.

I managed to find a great therapist and got cleared up fairly quickly. I found out in December that my health scare was just that and I can expect a normal, healthy life. During my breakdown, exercise felt good and smoking didn't, so now I don't smoke and I'm in great shape. I got the all clear from my therapist to try dating for the first time in almost a quarter century and hesitantly dipped my toes in the water. After a couple missteps, I met a great woman, who was also lonely and just looking for someone to talk to. We've been dating for about six months and have an amazing relationship. I found a very small apartment for me and my dog and my job is going very well.

The divorce is still ongoing, and worse than ever. Nobody is communicating, including the lawyers, but honestly, I have my peace and something that resembles a life. I will rebuild and persevere. This story is 100% true and you know what? It could still be fucking worse and I'm grateful for what I have. Hang in there, I hope the bullshit I've been through can help you in some way.

HorrorWorldly3749 · 2026-05-04T18:53:40+00:00

15 months out from separating from my malignant narcissist wife. That means she is part psychopath with sadistic traits. Together 4 years, married 3. Currently still trying everything she can to create emotional turmoil with our 2 year old boy. Found out my parents just don't want to hear it, when it comes to accepting who she really is. She puts on a shiny charismatic exterior and has a million friends. She has no empathy though. She is in fact a decent friend to her friends, but God help whatever guy she chooses to be with.

Relative-Cicada1553 · 2026-05-04T18:47:54+00:00

Disengage from the divorce. Don't let yourself sink into misery. It's next to impossible at times. But it comes with practice. Or time.

Therapy is an excellent idea. But focus on yourself, not the divorce. You want to discuss what can make you a better person, how to lower anxiety, and how to disengage from the negative spiral. Talk about meditation and resources.

Small wins at first. Making the bed is enough. You want feel good moments, proof that this is survivable. Buy a new plant and give it a name. Very very small things.

Don't run to the gym. That's common advice. But it only works if you're in that 20% fraction of Americans who work out regularly. Otherwise it often results in missed goals and feeling worse. Instead, do simple things. Get out in the sun. Reinforce the circadian rhythm. Walk at a park.

If you watch television, pick a sitcom that is bright and happy. I watched the entire series of The Office. Arrested Development worked too. I didn't laugh much. But it gave me a break from myself.

I went through some really, really dark times. This is what got me through. Best of luck brother.

No_Chemistry8953 · 2026-05-04T18:43:13+00:00

36M here, 6 months separated and heading towards divorce. I wake up in agony every day and barely have enough energy to take care of basic needs. If you want, you can DM me. I understand

steak-raspberry · 2026-05-04T17:46:19+00:00

Hey man, therapy helps. Even chat GPT to help you get your feelings sorted out. You said family isn’t there for you, what about your friends?

I’ve balanced support from my family and friends as well as figuring myself out alone. It’s still been hard. So no matter what, remember that it gets better. Maybe try to join a sort of club for a favourite hobby to get more social too. Take care of yourself man.

Title	Haven’t been handling this well…
Author	ComplexCatastrophe
Upvotes	17
Comments	21
Date	May 4, 2026 5:32 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1t3olmq/havent_been_handling_this_well/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/havent-been-handling-this-well.1579583 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579583

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