Hey guys; first time posting here, though I've been lurking a while.

I'm hoping I can get a little guidance here. I (44M) and my wife (36F) got married in 2018 (first for both) and had our first and only kid in the summer last year. She makes about 30% more than me and her career is climbing; I'm already at the top of my unionized pay band and will need to change careers if I want a significant pay increase beyond that for inflation.

We live in Ontario, Canada, and jointly own our home (bought before our marriage); mortgage should be paid off in < 5 years. Her parents live in another country, are quite well off, and annually send my wife money that we have mostly put towards the mortgage. They also chipped in some money for renovations, and I agreed to pay back my half of that sum in the future.

We each own a car, and those are paid off.

Now, our marriage is shit and we're both unhappy. It's always been like this, but we were able to ignore/accept it before the kid, the stress of caring for whom has taken its toll on us (we're doing it ourselves with no help from anyone).

She's asked for divorce several times over the years (even pre-baby), then gotten over it. For example, she once blew up and asked for a divorce, I gave up and agreed, and an hour later we were eating lunch in a restaurant and she was talking about our retirement. IMO she has anger management issues, anxiety, depression, and probably more, but she's not into introspection and blames me and everyone around her for her struggles.

I know the research on relationships and it doesn't bode well for ours succeeding, and from what I've read here, I assume the sooner we split the better. If she had her way, I would just disappear to a tiny apartment somewhere and leave our kid to her; I would prefer to sit down and work out a reasonable arrangement that works best for all of us, especially the kid. I would love to disappear from her life, but disappearing from our kid's is not the best solution.

For those who might have been in a similar situation, what is the best solution? As is, my wife does more of the child care, but because she's unwilling to give up control--not because I'm not willing to share the load. She has a strict routine/schedule/diet for the kid, makes most of the baby food herself, and sleeps with the kid because she's unwilling to let him learn how to sleep by himself. She tells me how to feed, change, and clothe him, because everything has to be done her way. I've not fought too hard against this so far, because I try to defer to the assumption that mothers know better than fathers.

She is okay with splitting assets equally and I think would even reject any child support from me out of pride (and because she doesn't need it with her family's money). But she wants to take sole care of our kid as if she were a single mom, so that she doesn't have to deal with my not meeting her standards.

I feel like never seeing me ("until he's older and can make his own decisions") is not in our kid's best interest, although he would never lack for anything that money can buy. I am more the bootstrapping type who wants to teach him to overcome obstacles, while stbxw is more the lawnmower mom who removes all obstacles.

Should I agree to this, or cash out my investments and lawyer up? I've spoken to three lawyers and a mediator already, and they suggest mediation.