Guys - I am screaming out for help.... I am at a crossroads. I know that nobody can make this decision for me, but i truly feel like i need someone to carry my carcass over the line.

Short version of my story: married 20+ years, some kids out of the house, one kid almost out of the house. Boundaries were crossed over the years. Neglect, lack of support, lies, emotional abuse -- you name it, its been thrown in our relationship. After a decade of it, i truly reached the end of my rope.

The spouse says they are making improvements, yet the issues of the past continue to come up. And when they are discussed, its either a one-way conversation or that i have been asked to bury the past and move it forward. i expect her to say bury the past because (from her): she has gotten everything she has ever wanted. no complaints. Its been a one-side compromise too, in favor of her. This is not me saying i didnt contribute to getting where we are, i need to stress that.... i am just saying that i am unfulfilled, unhappy and get little to no help in this partnership.

i feel broken. i am paralyzed with doing what i feel is needed, which is to leave. i cannot face the ripple effects. how in the living hell did those who initiate do it?

i do not have 1 big problem like cheating or gambling... i have 10 little problems that have broken me. i dont even know what i am asking help for any more... every time i think of initiating, i minimize what got me here. every time i think its fine, i face the unfulfilling and triggers of life as it has existed for some time now.

EDIT: i am in counseling. i have hobbies and a social life for myself. My sleep has not been right since i initiated the talk. Strangers are noticing i have an issue as its written all over my face. i find that i am happy, stress free when i am out of the house, alone, or in my social group away from it all. No addictions on my end -fairly straight forward life i lead.