Her phone

Exactly65536 · 2025-01-07T13:00:03+00:00

What would be the point to confront her about it?

You have some information. Use it for your benefit if you can. Don't use it to shame her or blame her, don't use it to prove a point - there are no more points to prove if you are aready divorcing. It's just a waste of time and energy.

ImmediateProduce5040 · 2025-01-05T23:28:48+00:00

It depends on your state. Some states most certainly do have a statute under which unauthorized access of your spouse's phone could make you civilly liable or even constitute a crime. And "unauthorized" basically means "she didn't give you permission." It doesn't matter that the phone is on a joint plan, or purchased with marital funds, or whatever. If she can make the case that it was "her" phone and she is entitled to a right of privacy while using it, then you could face problems from going through it. It might even be as "minor" as having any evidence you got from it excluded from proceedings between the two of you.

All that said, many judges/attorneys will say that civil/criminal liability is not something that ever actually occurs, because it's a lot of effort over something that people will regard as a private spat. Like, most prosecutors aren't actually going to bring criminal charges against you for doing it. They've got better things to do with their time.

But the point is that it's still an option, and it does give your spouse some leverage over you if it comes to that. So either don't do it, or be very careful in making sure you can't be tracked.

The best approach is what someone else recommended here. Just ask to see her phone. If she's innocent, she shouldn't have a problem going through it with you. If she's not, she'll withhold it.

SinglePlayerOnlyPlz · 2025-01-05T20:40:08+00:00

You have every right to protect yourself, but top comment with all the legal advice is sound. "Invasion of privacy" excuse just serves unfaithful people. If you're significant other is acting strangely, distant, etc. and assures you everything is fine despite you having a gut feeling it's not... Do it. If you go through it, and you find nothing suspicious, don't do it again. If you constantly have that urge, you need to work on yourself. But there's no reason to be defensive about a phone unless they're afraid of what you'll find, AKA a red flag for cheating. I would give up my phone to my SO at anytime. The only thing i have on there was furry porn and memes. She wasn't so open about sharing unless she was in control of her phone. Guess how that turned out? She cheated. Manipulated me, got us evicted for not paying rent or ANYTHING except cable FOR A YEAR, and all those debts/bills were in my name, so now im digging out of a hole she made in my name. $10,000+ worth. Protect yourself. If you don't see shit with your own eyes, don't believe it happened from word of mouth. Divorce sucks.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-01-05T16:51:31+00:00

IF you look though it and IF you find anything, you need to do the following:

document (via screen shots you pull off/text yourself [and then delete]) OR via a data dump/back up
only confront her (or better yet tell your lawyer!) with information IF IT IS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE (ie. info showing her hiding money or plans to turn your kids against you)

If its just drama or proof of cheating (as many states DONT care) there is nothing to be gained by letting them know. As much as it sucks, you need to play nice and keep your mouth shut until its over.

Remember that a divorce is a business deal and some people will burn it all down if they feel like they can set you on fire too - You might get a quick high of "I GOT YA!" but if it comes at the cost of her deciding to make your life hell and wasting a ton of money on the process, think twice.

Once things are done, signed off with the courts, and there is NO more financial entanglements (outside of any on going support) THEN go to town.

You're on a plane right now and as much as you would love to have the got-ya moment with the pilot, they can still fly that sucker into a mountain and take everyone out with them. Only after you land should you drop any bombs on them.

Edit: get all the data you can - Information is a tool. You can do some leg work of that now because she WILL change all her passwords:

download all your phone statements (call/text history) if you're on the same carrier
if you share a log in, get google location data http://maps.google.com/maps/timeline
download all your bank and CC statements going back as far as you can and look for odd purchases
Check any photo shares (apple/amazon/google) for uploaded photos/screen shots
Check all amazon purchase history
Check apps downloaded via google/apple

Assume that once you let her know she will mass delete information and change all passwords. I'm not saying snoop but if you have access to any accounts/emails get all the info now.

Extreme: if they have android you can literally copy a whole phone https://www.android.com/transfer-data-android-to-android/ I believe it can also be done with iphone but there will be more log ins needed (android only needs the unlocked phone)

ChadSmash72 · 2025-01-05T14:23:06+00:00

When I was with my wife, I made it a point not to check her phone or look at it.

To show trust
I didn't want to know if there was something going on.

I did come up behind her onetime to see she had been snapchatting her younger male staff members. She was a hall director at a university.

I asked her why she was using snapchat to talk to them. Her reply was that she did that with the females, too. Was odd to me. One of the reasons my feelings for her deteriorated.

jimmycrackcode · 2025-01-05T14:09:16+00:00

Not sure where the two of you are, but I generally recommend behaving the way you want to be treated and take the high road. I personally would never go through someone else’s phone.

regertsrus · 2025-01-05T14:03:53+00:00

You can. My stbx stole my kids phone looking for alienation after he was caught alienating me. She didn't find any and her own alienation was not prosecuted in any way because it backfired and I gained time with my kids. Nobody cares about lies and alienation In reality. The courts allow lying with impunity because it helps escallate litigation.

yankeephil86 · 2025-01-05T13:53:06+00:00

It is not illegal in the US. Some countries it is illegal like UAE, as it’s considered an invasion of privacy. Even then, it’s illegal for the wife to go through the husband’s phone, but not vice versa.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2025-01-05T13:47:39+00:00

Your friend is wrong

Title	Her phone
Author	Curiouslywastingtime
Upvotes	7
Comments	17
Date	January 5, 2025 1:38 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hu78f0/her_phone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/her-phone.1540417 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540417

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