Holiday tips for first timers?

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-10-29T21:20:10+00:00

advice around making time, presents, what emotions to expect, what totally went sideways the first year, etc.

Dont try and over do it with gifts. You're only buying for one parent so dont get two parents worth of gifts

The time you're alone, be out of the house if you can because sitting in front of a charismas tree solo sucks.

Only stuff that went sideways was kids being dropped off at 11pm on Christmas even despite it being agreed at 5pm.

Across the board - DO NOT DRINK (alone or when you're with the kids)

Reflog1791 · 2025-10-29T16:14:58+00:00

Make it awesome. If you are in the pits and have nowhere to go celebrate, go volunteer at the soup kitchen, senior center, or youth jail. That would be the best holiday of your life I guarantee it.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-10-29T13:27:09+00:00

The first everythings on your own are the hardest. Happily you get through all of these in just 12 months. Then they get easier, and after 3 years they start becoming better than ever before and you will be thanking your ex for the divorce and the amazing life you now have.

My advice cut your ex out of everything as much as possible in the beginning. You need a good amount of space the first few years to heal and rebuild. Your kids don't need mom and dad together for the holidays, they do need a father in a healthy mental space. Parallel parenting is always a good choice for the dumpee the first 2 years and then you can move to co-parenting once you have healed, let go, and moved on to a new partner. Do not get your ex a card or a gift or send her a text. If she texts you happy whatever do not respond. Communication with her is just logistics for the kids the first 2 years, nothing more. Do remind your kids that a holiday is coming up and they should get their mom a gift (help out financially if they are not employed).

Stop any old traditions you and your ex had. Come up with entirely new traditions for your house. For Thanksgiving I stopped doing turkey. I now do Chinese on Thanksgiving. Kids love it. Come up with anything you want. Do not use any old xmas decorations. All new tree and all new decorations.

As for the emotions the first holidays are going to be rough. It is going to suck. You are going to be sad and angry. Do not medicate these feelings away with drugs or alcohol. Sit in those feelings. This is how you heal and how you grow. When the kids are at your place put on an act. They don't want to see dad miserable and down and out. When they leave cry like a little bitch. It is ok. Then pick yourself up and get to your local gym. Pick heavy shit up, put it down, and repeat. This is how you sleep that night.

Factastical · 2025-10-29T12:13:18+00:00

At first while the kids were younger, I mostly avoided taking fair share of holidays. I focused on the trouble free days. That paved the way to me having the more desirable life for them. Now years later I know where the kids want to be and so does she. I split 50/50 with a loaded pistol sorta speak. If she tries to push for uneven split of any period, I just tell her to speak to the kids and let them decide. You might recall "the adults make decisions" imposition from court? There is a reason for this. Enemies don't make decisions well often. When that happens, the courts and agents of state make money. If you take the courts out of the equation by putting the kids in charge (when they are old enough and without guilt or coercion) things go real smooth. Mommy won't escallate ever and mommy will ask you for permission. This is a delicate topic. It don't happen overnight. It requires YOU to sacrifice your time at first. Like kids "I don't want problems, I don't want to escalate in court so just go with mommy this one time and we reassess next year". If this is done right over the years, they grow tired of letting fun dad be the sacrificial lamb. Eventually they are old enough to make their own decisions and no amount of court intervention will or should change that natural course of events. Some men here will tell you exactly that ",the kids don't make decisions because psychologists say this". Your job is to create strong kids. Problem solving is what you're teaching them. Why listen to the courts impositions designed to bleed you dry? You think it costs 100k to sort custody battle for real? It's a clever business model and it is designed ground up, to force 2 adversarial parents to surrender their decision making to the courts.

RaySalinasRN · 2025-10-29T09:22:26+00:00

It doesn’t matter what day it is just have good time during the holidays I’m going ask for couple weeks during winter and summer

upvotersfortruth · 2025-10-29T07:37:13+00:00

Holidays are celebrated on the days you have them, not strictly according to the calendar.

LearnGrowExist · 2025-10-29T05:35:04+00:00

Second year post-separation holidays, first year post-divorce. I am a wreck in every way right now. All I can tell you is that your kids are the most important part of the equation (“you know this,” to quote my therapist) so do the best you can to make every moment and every memory count for their sakes. Try to think of every single moment with them as your last. It hurts, but it might help to put it all into perspective for you. You never know.

BackpackJack_ · 2025-10-29T04:05:13+00:00

If you had holiday traditions with your ex-wife or loved spending the occasion with your children, I won’t lie; it’s going to be rough. The best advice I can give you is to surround yourself with supportive people and be present in the moment to drown out the possible loneliness.

Title	Holiday tips for first timers?
Author	RoutineWriter7304
Upvotes	3
Comments	15
Date	October 29, 2025 4:00 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1oiusoq/holiday_tips_for_first_timers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/holiday-tips-for-first-timers.1565283 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565283

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