How to regain a purpose?

electromattic · 2025-05-05T22:09:22+00:00

Same. My ex moved out just over a year ago and I am still in that "limbo" feeling. I do have a daughter who i love and live for. But I always wanted to have a big family though, and before my ex pulled the chute - that is what we were building toward. And so there is a part of me that is still trying to come to grips with the fact that that isn't going to happen. I'm almost 43 and feel like it's too late to have more kids. And i find it so hard to meet and date women that there isn't a clear path toward that anyhow. Even if I meet my perfect match today ya gotta date for a while to be sure that it's someone you want to have a family with. And after being left by my ex I can't even begin to imagine opening myself up to another relationship, let alone building the trust to have more kids with someone. And I feel like my libido divorced me too cuz it's pretty much gone lol. So it's all very confusing.

VNM0601 · 2025-05-05T19:15:34+00:00

This process made me reflect on my values, which I had never done. And I mean, dig deep. Not just surface-level. Mark Manson, the author of the famous self-help book called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, now has a podcast called Solved by Mark Manson. He just released his first episode, and it's on values. It's about 4 hours long and they dig deep into what values mean, how to find them, and how to live by them. I highly recommend it.

whoisgodiam · 2025-05-05T13:24:51+00:00

Money and a son to carry the bloodline. Never marry again.

NilEntity · 2025-05-05T12:40:58+00:00

If you have children, they're your purpose.
If you don't, your purpose could be to live for yourself, to live a life you enjoy living by yourself, doing things you enjoy, striving towards goal you want to achieve, fixing things you did wrong so you can do/be better in the future, improving your quality of life, your health.
It's all about you, no one else. Ideally, if that's one of your possible goals, you'll find someone again at some point who'll enjoy joining your life, enriching it rather than subtracting.

tdacct · 2025-05-05T12:17:01+00:00

Think long and hard about who you are in beliefs, values, and character. Align your purpose to that. Going through the same thing. Feel like my faith is shattered and trying to figure out what those beliefs are anymore.

Boglehead101 · 2025-05-05T11:24:10+00:00

I’m in the same boat, waiting for her to serve after she called it a day. The first 6 weeks was really hard. I’m still sad every day but it doesn’t dominate everything.

A couple of things really gave me a lift, they were meeting with a lawyer and getting a game plan together & talking for about 5 hours a week with a friend who’s been through a contentious divorce.

I did some therapy sessions with a female therapist and it was a total waste of time. I have found another therapist and going to give him a go.

Just about to embark on a fitness, mindspace app & reading regime.

Good luck.

ConstantCrafty4298 · 2025-05-05T08:10:54+00:00

Absolutely in the same position. After nearly 20 years of waking up each day with the aim of giving my wife and family the best life I possible can, my wife said it wasn't good enough and walked.

I have thrown myself head first into my other passions (music for me). I now go out to relevant events multiple nights a week, I've just last night got back from a solo trip abroad in pursuit of my passion - at 54 years old I have never done that. My purpose is to be a better musician. I am winding down my main business, reducing my expenses and saying "fuck it", it's me time.

It doesn't stem the pain - and in all honesty, it feels a poor replacement for my family - but I'm slowly meeting new people, and it takes my mind off things.

Do you have something you can throw yourself into? Follow a sports team to new places, go on fishing trips around the world, make models of cathedrals out of matchsticks if that's your thing, but find that passion and pursue it selfishly. It's absolutely your turn.

Wishing you all the best, man.

DevinB12 · 2025-05-05T02:46:47+00:00

Yeah it is tough… my wife told me March 13, and it’s been a whirlwind since then. After finally accepting that we weren’t going to get through this, I accepted it and now just trying to move forward, day by day. Telling kids was the hardest part but my 13 yo son has been my saving grace. He is amazing and more mature than his years. We moved this weekend into an apartment and he loves it. She went to the lake with some friends… we have settled everything so I felt safe moving…house is going on the market in about 3 weeks.

barricuda_barlow · 2025-05-05T02:38:51+00:00

Do those same things, but for you and your kids if you have them. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I can relate. I’m about 3 weeks in, we just told our son tonight. I’m told it will get better, I sure hope so. The only things I have left are my son and myself, so I will focus on that because what else can I do? I’ve been through some shit in my life, things you probably wouldn’t believe, but this is harder. I feel your pain man.

EcstaticGoose3128 · 2025-05-05T02:19:22+00:00

It will be a roller coaster unfortunately. You’re probably like me that you bent over backwards for years to make someone else happy only to be cast aside. It’s tough. I’m attempting to refocus all that energy into myself and kids to create a new life I can enjoy. I have no advice other than your mileage will vary wildly compared to others in our situation. Try to find something, anything to take your mind off the pain and dive in.

Title	How to regain a purpose?
Author	GayStevenSeagall
Upvotes	13
Comments	10
Date	May 5, 2025 2:13 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kf0qcw/how_to_regain_a_purpose/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-regain-a-purpose.1551447 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551447

Comments