When will I be able to eat again?

Confident-Run-645 · 2025-05-01T06:06:23+00:00

1. Get it out of your head that she's the one and only Woman in the WORLD! Or the absolute 💯 BEST you can do!

The WORLD Is covered up with women! What ONE will abuse and take for granted?

You can bet there's another can use!

2. Don't chase after her! Yea! She's CRAZY for leaving! But, Man just let her go! Go SILENT, RUN DEEP, like a U.S. Navy Nuclear Submarine under the polar ice caps!

Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
No frequent phone calls.
Do not point out good points in relationship
Do not follow them around
Do not encourage talk about the future.
Do not ask for help from family members.
Do not ask for reassurances.
Do not buy gifts.
Do not schedule time together.
Do not spy on them
Do not say “I Love You”.
Act as if you are moving on with your life.
Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
Don’t sit around waiting on your them – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
If you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
If you are in the habit of asking your their whereabouts ASK NOTHING.
You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
Do not be nasty, angry or even cold – just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.
All questions about marriage should be put on

hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).

Never lose your cool.
Don’t be overly enthusiastic.
Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).
Be patient
Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.
Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
Be strong and confident.
Know that if you can do 180, your smallest

CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.

Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.

Things to think about if you do this:

1) You have to do the 180 list NOT to be manipulative but because it’s the right thing to do for you. You have to heal from this experience. You have to back off for your own sanity now. You have to have a plan and know that you will be a better person with or without them after all is said and done — that you will live and learn and move on no matter what.

So you have to be geniune when you follow these ideas, rather than faking it and being insincere because your only goal is to get them back. That’s not what you want to do.

Having a certain person as our spouse is not a need, it’s a want. When I wrote down a list of all the definite needs in my life, I realized that almost everything beyond food, clothing and shelter is a want. 10 seconds after I looked at the list, I stopped making decisions based on emotion.

That’s when I realized that my wanting to have her was causing me to beg and plead for her to come back.

That was driving her away more so I stopped doing it immediately. In doing my own version of the 180 list I could tell nearly an immediate change in her behavior.

Realize that when your spouse sees your new attitude they are very likely to be a little jealous or at least have some curiosity about what’s going on in your life to cause this change. However, they very well may react the same way towards you for some time (especially if they read books or go to message boards also). REALIZE that this tactic can also work simultaneously on you if the spouse begins to likewise. Be aware of it and plan to have your own feelings of jealousy and curiosity in advance.

However, like with #1 above, if you’re doing the 180 list to better yourself and everyone involved, then it will matter less what they are doing.

From "Divorce Busting"

Michelle Weiner-Davis’s Divorce Busting 180 degree list, here it is:

Important-Possible-3 · 2025-05-01T04:27:26+00:00

I lost 70 lbs. Best shape in my life. Use this time /lack of appetite to safely change and transform your diet into something healthy and routine. This helped me recover my lack of appetite at least

onthisthing_ · 2025-05-01T03:40:19+00:00

Fuck her. Move on. Get your groove back. Will take months maybe a few years but you’ll be a much better man for it.

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-04-30T22:24:42+00:00

I lost about 15-20 pounds. People said I looked emaciated.

This will pass. It may take awhile. Don’t force it.

Think of it as a really bad hangover. The worst, longest fucking hangover you’ve ever had.

In the meantime, I would encourage walking. As far as you can. Currently, this is the probably the best exercise for your mind and your body.

Exciting-Throat-2002 · 2025-04-30T21:27:41+00:00

Dude! I was a month of barely eating, but I worked out because of the upset and anger I had. Beat therapy at that moment!!

Impressive-Spare1194 · 2025-04-30T17:23:42+00:00

I just have a warning:

After my divorce, I stopped eating just like you and a few months later I was locked in in a mental health facility. Get your shit together as soon as you can or it will get worst.

Sea_Distance_6039 · 2025-04-30T20:11:22+00:00

It's hard to say that you just need time and reflection to people who feel like they're underwater.

You're doing good just reaching for this life raft. Talk it out with us.

EmCee311 · 2025-04-30T19:29:19+00:00

The tale as old as time, my EX did the same thing. It will suck badly for a while, but it’s important to note this pain will pass and there is light at the end of the tunnel, but only if you make it out the other side. Stay the course and take it 1 day at a time. Godspeed

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-04-30T18:37:43+00:00

You're in panic mode. Its normal.

I didnt eat for the first two weeks, after that was nothing but coffee and maybe toast and some soup.

Drink a protein shake if you cannot bring yourself to eat.

EDIT: I did not take care of myself a few months in and ended up in the ER due to dehydration and not eating and had to be put on an IV and given some supplements.

Negative_Comfort6848 · 2025-04-30T17:53:51+00:00

If you want to punish her be your best self, don't punish yourself for things you can't control anymore.

CharacterProper8732 · 2025-04-30T16:43:13+00:00

If you feed those feelings instead of your body, they will get stronger while you get weaker.

My advice: focus on lean protein and veg. If you can't get those down, shakes, smoothies, and one meal a day. Something that lights up your brain and doesn't have sugar (mostly because empty calories and weird things that can happen with your metabolism with increased sugar). Don't worry about heavy things right now—they'll be waiting (weighting) for you when you're ready but long walks in nature, in the city, somewhere with stimuli) will get you there.

And fasting is ok! Not eating a lot because you are mourning is normal! But try to do it consciously and actively rather than letting circumstance dictate your relationship with yourself and your body.

-NukeX- · 2025-04-30T16:36:34+00:00

Same boat about 2.5 years ago. Best advice I can give you is to work on yourself. Find a good therapist. This is hard, but stick with looking and seeing several until you find one that clicks. If you haven't seen the movie Stutz on Netflix, highly recommend it. It's a movie by Jonah Hill about his therapist. Lots of good info there. I started focusing on my kids (if you have any) and becoming more active. I got into hiking and met a lot of really good friends that way. Time will heal, but use the time to become the best version of yourself.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-04-30T15:44:50+00:00

Bought her a house before she found out she's "neglected and unloved", why does this sound so familiar? Oh, wait, that's my wife too.

Anyway, I started to eat after maybe 2 weeks. I'm a month in since finding out about the affair, and every day is still hard, especially in cohabitation where she goes like notning happened and expects me to do everything like I did before DDay, she's even annoyed about my plethora of emotions and claims she's the victim if I even mention anything.

I know, I know, it's useful to have a free babysitter at home so she can go out or to birthday parties. Think a lawyer letter will be needed to fix her shit and bring her back to reality.

Remember to eat even if not hungry. I know it's hard but it'll pass once you stop being sick and sad and start to get angry.

SnooGuavas9074 · 2025-04-30T14:54:37+00:00

When I went through that time period, it was about two weeks with very little eating. I had zero appetite.

Then one Saturday I took my kids to Chuck E Cheese and had a slice of pizza, then ended up devouring the entire thing on my own cause the kids were more interested in playing games. I consider that day my turning point and things got better from there. Lots of hard times in between but I began building my life from that point.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2025-04-30T14:52:52+00:00

It takes time.

I lost 15# from a starting weight of 156#.

That was 9 months ago, I'm finally getting the weight back on.

Hang in there, time heals.

andy2m · 2025-04-30T14:33:34+00:00

IWe have been there. Don’t put a time frame on when you will want to eat , you’re in a state of shock and everyone’s story different.

With an amazing support network it took me over a week to keep down a meal. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder after 2 months and I’m back to the same weight 2 years later with a lot of peaks and troughs in between. Stay strong .

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-04-30T13:38:30+00:00

It's rough. I was 225 and fit when I found out about the affair. Was 207 this morning. I'm not even eating ice cream which I love. Some chicken nuggets here and there. Mac and cheese.

DevinB12 · 2025-04-30T13:33:24+00:00

March 13th was the day my wife told me... I was at 218 lbs at that point... 202 as of yesterday. No appetite...stopped drinking alcohol and stopped using other items like coffee creamer. Black coffee has been my go to...that and a lot of water. I had been wanting to lose weight but didn't plan on this being the cause or the way to do it. Haven't started working out yet but that is the next step... Moving out of our family house tomorrow so this weekend will be tough.

All I can say is that it does get better... I'm still lost most days but I've accepted what is coming. I think that was the first step for me and while everyone is different, the realization that this is happening, whether I want it to or not, has helped me start the healing process.

I wish you the best brother.

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2025-04-30T13:32:17+00:00

This is the worst part of the process.

You will have to force yourself to eat something

Lukus_90 · 2025-04-30T13:28:42+00:00

It takes some time and you might have to force yourself to eat something…at least I did. Once I did that I was able to take another step/action and you just have to keep putting one foot in front of another until things get a little less hard.

Have you found someone to talk to yet? Family, friends, church, counselor? Don’t try to walk this journey alone. You need someone or a group by your side.

Afraid-Patient1444 · 2025-04-30T13:25:03+00:00

I feel for you man I really do. I went 3 days without wanting to eat anything and I’m a big dude that loved food. I am 2 months later and still have very little appetite. Forcing yourself into the will make a difference physically and mentally. Your body will then be required to eat as it needs to repair your muscles. My biggest advice is to start slow and eat what you can when you can. Good luck to you.

rb5775 · 2025-04-30T14:44:40+00:00

Let me see if I understand, after she has you move near her family AND buy a house, she throws this 'I want a divorce' news on you?

I've read some really awful behavior on this sub but this one is memorable.

Get a lawyer. Sell the house. Move away. The eating will take care of itself when you are busy with other things. You need to get away from this person before she does something else.

Title	When will I be able to eat again?
Author	GayStevenSeagall
Upvotes	17
Comments	28
Date	April 30, 2025 1:18 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kbg9qp/when_will_i_be_able_to_eat_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-will-i-be-able-to-eat-again.1551061 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551061

Comments

1. Get it out of your head that she's the one and only Woman in the WORLD! Or the absolute 💯 BEST you can do!

2. Don't chase after her! Yea! She's CRAZY for leaving! But, Man just let her go! Go SILENT, RUN DEEP, like a U.S. Navy Nuclear Submarine under the polar ice caps!