I need some support

pegleg_legal · 2022-01-13T05:23:31+00:00

It gets better. You won't regret standing up for yourself and valuing yourself - and that will transfer into other aspects of your life as well. A bold step in the right direction.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-01-13T05:23:51+00:00

It does. It will take a while, but it gets better.

Now you need to start working on yourself. Hit the gym, Study, Pick up a hobby and stay away from alcohol.

Got got this brother.

Philo_Beddoe99 · 2022-01-13T06:28:55+00:00

It's over. You are both just delaying the inevitable because an uncertain future and starting over is scary. This is why most relationships go through a long painful and usually ugly limp to the finish line.

As time passes she will become just another part of your past, like the other phases of your life where the memories get less fresh and more distant.

WartimeDad · 2022-01-13T06:09:53+00:00

It will be better in time. This is a temporary pain, I promise you that.

Why do you want this person that is treating you so callously?

todaysthrowaway91 · 2022-01-13T06:21:45+00:00

Hey man-

It will get better. Divorce sucks, which is why I tell anyone I know to avoid marriage. It's just the state exercising control over people and a way for lawyers to profit off really bad breakups.

Eventually it will all get settled, and you will feel like a weight has been lifted off you. You'll feel FREEDOM, and believe me, when you feel that after being in a state controlled prison (marriage) for so long, you will appreciate it.

I know it sounds corny, but seeing a bonafide therapist helps. Mine lived a life just like mine- married his high school sweetheart during college, divorced in his 30's, etc.

He REALLY understood what I was going through, and he definitely helped me get through it, heal, and become a better person in the end.

Now, I'm in a relationship with a sexy, intelligent, hard working, kind, and loving woman. I've told her I'll never marry again, and she's actually cool with it. Maybe we'll grow old together, or maybe we'll split up. Either way, we will do it on OUR terms.

I really wish you the best of luck.

trashy615 · 2022-01-13T07:35:10+00:00

You deserve better, you are worth more.

akihonj · 2022-01-13T15:54:04+00:00

Read your other post and I feel your pain bit you are absolutely doing the right thing.

Humans are weird they want what they can't have and desire that which cares not for them.

Meaning we want those who don't want us, who are above our level, we desire those things that are unobtainable.

There is another saying which goes the one who cares the least is loved the most.

You have to start showing her you care about the relationship less than she does, meaning active and living and being social with others and making your life without her look better than it is or would be with her, if you want her back you have to play this dangerous game.

Yes I know it's sick and twisted and outright mental to think about it, but she holds respect for those men who she views are men, meaning she respects the kind of man who isn't going to give her everything she wants, the kind of man who isn't reliant on her for his existence.

She feels that you are or can be that kind of man, she's holding out to see if you are or have changed into that kind of man and if you'll go back to being the kind you were before.

I said it's sick, it really is but you are dealing with female logic not male logic. Start being more hard faced towards her, she whines about something, you laugh and walk away, she doesn't cook you leave and get dinner outside, and come home very late without a word. She wants time with you, you have a day with friends booked doing man stuff and having fun. The next time she asks you be nonchalant about it and say yeah I can do that or why not, then after that you're booked.

Don't be afraid to say no, she wants to walk around a yard sale you say no, next time you say yes, she wants to buy you say no, of you tell her she buys with her own money.

You see when she asks and you're giving she knows she can take, it's when she knows she cannot take that she respects, when she shouts you laugh, she threatens to leave you show her the door. Whatever you do you make sure that she knows her being with you is a favour that you're doing for her not her doing for you.

If you can be like that then one of two things will happen, she will change and start to respect you as a man and want you because she knows she has to work to get you and to keep you, or she will walk, well if she does you're already doing things for yourself anyway.

happyyalobusha · 2022-01-13T11:55:42+00:00

I read your previous post and feel that she is enjoying playing with your emotions and driving you to drink and become addicted to alcohol! I feel that she wants to play victim and wants to destroy you and is telling friends and lovers about what a bad person and alcoholic you are.

She is meeting with you and keeping you close so she can enjoy what she is doing to you. I think that you need to emotionally detach from her and checkout of your marriage mentally. This woman does not deserve you!

jkw118 · 2022-01-13T14:02:01+00:00

So here's the thing, as others have mentioned she's checked out of the relationship. And is currently going into more then likely polygamy or just jumping around. Assuming your more into monogamy etc.. The healthiest thing for you is to finalize separating yourself from her.

If she wants to hang/chat/etc don't. You need to realize this relationship is over, unless you want to be one of 5 or 6 other guys that she's having a relationship with. I've met several women who've gone this route and they essentially have a harem of men whom they hang/screw depending on their mood different ones for a different day. Each giving them a little bit of what they want, while not interfering with their control on their life.

It's time to accept that she isn't what you want (or at least that's what it seems via the post)

The best suggestion is to go cold turkey, and don't interact with her at all. Find other things to do (Not alcohol) exercise, skiing, whatever.. Find friends/family to hang with.. Do stuff. Expand your knowledge.. It's time to work on yourself, your body/mind.

You should get counseling too, whether this is under the table. Or and I'm sure this may be a touchy subject via your gov't job? Some jobs because of clearances have counselors who have background clearances etc.. Yes this may be more of a ok now they have my psych on record. But since it's dealing with stress from ex, it's not like your having a psychotic break.. But I'm no expert in gov't stuff.
But truthfully a few friends, that you can trust. Can be a big help.

fps81 · 2022-01-13T15:12:37+00:00

You did the right thing, even though it was hard. Good job standing up for yourself. It gets better.

Take some time to recharge, do something for you. If you haven't yet, you should start seeing a therapist.

Title	I need some support
Author	todaysthrowaway91
Upvotes	16
Comments	21
Date	January 13, 2022 3:58 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/s2pv77/i_need_some_support/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-need-some-support.1096488 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096488

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