Mediation next week. Any tips?

Dry-Archer-4277 · 2024-06-13T19:07:29+00:00

You may not have to pay alimony if you've been married less than 10 years . Plus if she's not working and she's able to...the court will impute to her wages that match skill set or at least impute to her minimum wage. I just went through all of this in June of last year. Married 27 years..I'm not paying any alimony ( California). Good luck!

FUMoney · 2024-06-12T20:53:08+00:00

Just wait until you hear the alimony demand in mediation. Seven-year SAHM, nine year marriage, not working, four and seven year-old children. This is the perfect setup for a large alimony award. Expect a high alimony demand number.

After mediation, come back and tell us if we were right.

This_Train340i · 2024-06-12T20:02:40+00:00

In a high conflict divorce with kids, you want as specific a settlement agreement as possible. If you think you've got 90% of the details worked out, why do you even need a mediator when your attorneys could be working right now on hammering out the terms of a partial settlement agreement? Partial because her attorney is not going to let her agree to your terms regarding Alimony and 401k. So leave the retirement account and Alimony as unsettled matters for the judge at trial. You don't have any agreement yet so don't get your hopes up about her signing anything about joint legal and physical custody. Judges like to appoint the mother as the final decision maker for school, religion, healthcare, and childcare decisions while ordering the dad to pick up the bills. Someone has to be the final decision maker, and the courts reward a SAHM with this authority, which is ironic bc she likely said you are controlling and abusive while angling to get full control herself so she can abuse you with her court appointed authority.

What about extracurricular activities? You'll be paying for that too since she doesn't have a job but is it fair for her to have a blank check to enroll the kids in anything she wants? If paying for college comes up, do not agree that it should be ordered unless it is part of the law in your state. It is better to deal with that privately without the hammer of a court order hanging over your head. Prepare for her to expect an outcome where she can continue not to work and be a SAHM. It's such bullshit that men have to keep paying on a marriage contract that is broken, and women continue to collect years of benefits without providing any services like sandwich making, house cleaning, and sex. Make sure there is stipulation that only you two are called mom and dad, and that title is never given to her future boyfriends. Finally, who is paying for the lawyers because they aren't free.

celticmoose · 2024-06-12T19:57:25+00:00

Why would I split the cost of childcare I don’t benefit from?

I tend to agree with the other poster, you don’t seem to grasp what can happen here. You keep mentioning “being comfortable”, well that’s likely going to be at the expense of your spouse and that’s the entire point of alimony, so one isn’t that much more comfortable than the other.

Flip the script - what would you do in her shoes?

whiskey_piker · 2024-06-12T19:11:33+00:00

You are delusional. It’s like you haven’t read the laws of your own state. You sound illiterate when you say you haven’t agreed to Alimony. Bro; you had a Stay At Home Mommy and two young kids. The judge is going to chuckle when they 60% of your income to her. Just for giggles you should google for a state Alimony calculator to see what that could logically look like. You are not in a safe space.

Childcare; good luck finding childcare that is 1wk on and 1wk off.

Im concerned for how out of touch you are.

Cheap_House8696 · 2024-06-12T17:37:43+00:00

Forget all the rest most important and most costly things to litigate is children get that nailed down in writing the rest who cares short ish term marriage

Independent_Owlz · 2024-06-12T17:34:35+00:00

Man this gives me PTSD. Alimony triggers me. I refused to even consider it unless ordered by a judge.

Her attorney is telling her she’ll get whatever she wants.

Be prepared to walk out without a deal.

I have so many regrets and lessons learned. DM me if you need some guidance.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2024-06-12T17:00:40+00:00

Those are hard subjects and I understand the need to GTF away from her as much as possible. I wonder how a lawyer will advise her as to not working to make you have to pay her more.

ABBucsfan · 2024-06-12T16:08:29+00:00

After school I see two options. Either she gets them after school and looks after them til you're able to pick them up (that's want we do) or she pays her portion of daycare (I know here this stuff is split based on income...but you should be inputting an income to her for child support.. she can work a min wage job). I know herr in Canada any childcare required due to work is considered section 7 and is split

In terms of moving kids should ideally stay in same school with same friends. Not their fault mom and dad can't get along. I'm generally of the opinion if anyone has to suffer from the changes it should be the parent that moves away from where you both had established as your kids home.

Title	Mediation next week. Any tips?
Author	shcma
Upvotes	3
Comments	21
Date	June 12, 2024 3:42 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1de9rfy/mediation_next_week_any_tips/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/mediation-next-week-any-tips.1521345 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521345

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