The last 5 to 10 years of my former marriage were touched-deprived as my ex-wife weaponized withdrawal of touch as a tool of control and punishment. Sound familiar?

I did a lot of self reflection and exploration in new relationships post divorce that helped me to improve my picker and identify healthier partners. The relationship I’m in now is one where my partner and I are both much more compatible in regards to our wishes for touch (and many other ways), even touch as simple as a kiss or a hug or holding each other at night. Of course I don’t know how long this relationship is going to last, but I’m really grateful to be in it right now.

I’m writing this to encourage you to not give up on finding a new relationship after the trauma of your divorce and betrayal.

But the secret to making this new relationship work is that you have to work on yourself and improve your ability to detect and identify a healthy partner, to improve your picker. It doesn’t work to blame women or go MGTOW – – you need to start with yourself and figure out why you were drawn to the dysfunctional woman that you married and who later divorced you so you can avoid that mistake. The Gatekeeper book by Dr. Shawn Smith is a great place to start, but you really have to do the difficult self work and go through lots of bad dates so that you can practice, practice, practice to improve your picker.

In doing so, you will move incrementally closer to becoming the man that you were meant to be and finding the happiness, through a healthy relationship, that most human beings naturally seek. I wish you good luck and happiness. You will climb out of the hole that is the misery of divorce and find a better life, but only if you make it happen.