One last attempt

warrior_up · 2020-08-09T23:58:10+00:00

There’s nothing you can do. Better to save your energy and put it into yourself

letak2018 · 2020-08-10T01:36:25+00:00

I’m glad I made every effort to try to save things even though I knew my efforts were most likely destined to be fruitless. At least I can say “I tried”:

...to try to address the emotional/psych abuse that my kids and I were experiencing.

...to mediate early for a quick and fair settlement.

...to give her one more chance to mediate without going through a whole custody eval.

All of that failed, we went to mediation after she got roasted in the custody eval, and I got primary custody and the house, and I took the high road at every opportunity.

Well worth it for me.

grumbleofpug · 2020-08-09T23:13:09+00:00

Good luck on the reconciliation efforts. I would keep all your custody and belongings plans to yourself because if you’re getting lawyers it will likely be used against you as a negotiating tool.

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2020-08-10T00:20:44+00:00

I'd talk to a professional about strategizing before this very important conversation. If that's not available, I'd probably call a friend before and after, just to keep your head on straight.

As far as the conversation goes, I'd just encourage you to end the call if things get heated. I know I've said stuff when worked up that I didn't mean.

rjytan · 2020-08-10T02:46:32+00:00

Brother, you probably know yourself whether your effort is in vain or not. I knew that my own case was beyond hope when the STBXW asked us to visit a counsellor and a priest. She then spoke to them separately first, and when I talked to them, I realized that she had only told them her side of the story.

It was then that I realized that I had to see her for her narcissistic, lying self, and that she could never change. I actually knew this all along and gave her numerous chances to change. Divorce was a difficult but courageous way to solve this issue.

Best of luck my friend. Ping me if you need anything.

bowhunter6 · 2020-08-10T03:05:05+00:00

If you have to convince someone to stay with you, they will only resent you over time. Better to just make a clean break, friend.

used2befast · 2020-08-09T23:32:40+00:00

Is she a SAHM?

How much more do you earn than she?

TravellingDivorcee · 2020-08-10T09:28:06+00:00

I’ve lost count of the times I said ‘ one last chance’ ... hard as all this is Op I sense you already know the outcome.... time to move on dude.

MyNewNormal808 · 2020-08-10T10:15:02+00:00

From my experience: - When she said she wants a divorce, she has been thinking about for quite some time and has her mind made up. - When I asked if we could try counseling to work our problems, she said that she was committed to try and work it out. 2 sessions later she said she didn’t want to become bitter so she wanted a divorce now. - I told her that I would only tell her this once then laid out all the things I was willing to do if she would give it one more try (start meeting for coffee to talk about us and not the kids or the divorce, learn what we used to appreciate in each other, work on communication (we would fight but never talk afterwards), go on fun activity-based dates instead of just dinners, if I ever moved back in I would cook more meals and help out more with housework instead of waiting for her to do it. She listened but still went forward with the divorce. - At that point I figured that I did all I could and got it firmly in my mind that I was getting divorced so I started working on my post-divorce life (finding new friends, getting back into old hobbies and activities, found a permanent place to live, etc.)

Would like to hear what was the result of you conversation with her. Good luck and hang in there.

Dribbs1608 · 2020-08-10T00:18:24+00:00

She works at Taco Bell right now looking for a better job but with three kids she can only work nights

dday_throwaway3 · 2020-08-10T11:09:55+00:00

Don't move out. Here's why: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=81622
Protect yourself from false domestic violence claims: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=80375

cuckington_thebutler · 2020-08-13T12:56:26+00:00

You offer a last chance and she would rather go to the beach with a "friend" to get laid.

Divorce. You have no marriage to save. She isn't interested.

vabab8 · 2020-08-19T22:14:47+00:00

Any updates?

divorcethrowaway672 · 2020-08-10T19:33:42+00:00

From what you've mentioned, it sounds like she is already having an affair with some dude, maybe a co-worker? Going to the beach with a friend, or a boyfriend?

A mother with 3 young kids at home usually doesn't suddenly say they want a divorce unless they are having an affair, or if the husband (you) is doing something really abusive, which I assume is not the case.

Title	One last attempt
Author	Dribbs1608
Upvotes	8
Comments	30
Date	August 9, 2020 10:56 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/i6t33g/one_last_attempt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/one-last-attempt.817984 https://theredarchive.com/post/817984

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