Please Help, I am Broken

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2025-12-25T19:08:40+00:00

Document everything. The time you spend as primary/sole caregiver, your contribs to utilities, grocery, mortgage. Consult an attorney. Also document the affair with any evidence available. While many states are No-Fault, most allow At-Fault filings and/or consider adultery when dividing assets.

Do not say anything until you have consulted with counsel and have documented, esp. proof of the affair.

DesertCool500 · 2025-12-20T21:42:26+00:00

Divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me. Why would anyone want to be locked in a cage with hyena all in the name of marriage!

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2025-12-20T02:52:58+00:00

🚨🚨🚨NEVER MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! EVER! NO MATTER WHAT! She can move out anytime.🚨🚨🚨

Keep being kind to your garbage human wife. Kids still need a mom. Don’t argue with this vile woman. Be nice. And STFU about any divorce shit. Seriously STFU about it to EVERYONE except your lawyer and your therapist.

I’m a silver bullet survivor with youngish kids now living my best life with 50/50 custody. I know what I speak and I know the pain, the crushing unbearable pain you’re feeling. There is an end, there is joy to be experienced later.

Now the decisions you make right fucking now are critically important for you and your kids, and YOU must come first from now on. Taking care of yourself will be the way through.

Lawyer Therapist

These are for you to get and only you to know about. As soon as possible.

Stop drinking and/or smoking weed or whatever shit you’re into. Stop it.

This is the most difficult thing you will ever do as a human and as a dad. Go slow and don’t be rash while always making calculated decisions. Wait a couple days to do anything big.

Love you man. This is the big game and the manliest dad shit you’re ever gonna do. Make decisions that your future self will be proud of.

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2025-12-20T02:38:55+00:00

info here will serve you well

NEVER MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS DO NOT MOVE OUT!!!

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2025-12-19T21:06:22+00:00

I documented my story (if you have a free evening) but I had a similar situation. TLDR: It was a giant kick in the nads at first but I hunkered down after divorcing and rebuilt my life. Kids have done better than I ever expected, I've been able to live my life as I want and buy what I want and have done flipping well but not without first walking through hell.

Honestly, life is what you make it bud and what helped me was just putting my goals in front of me and going after them with 100% ruthlessness. As for dating, my advice is make that priority #10. Get yourself established and take at least 1 year if not more just to be alone. Companionship is nice and I do have a good SO but at the same time I have to keep her in check as women have a great way of burning your time, energy and money. Are there good women out there?? Yea but online dating sucks and it takes too much effort to sift out the wheat from the chaff, like I said, make it a low priority and things will work out.

Better_Rush_6830 · 2025-12-19T15:18:27+00:00

I am about a year out since I moved out. Im going to be honest it has sucked more than anything not having m kids (7 and 10) around me all the time. It rips me apart when I drop them off and they hug me and ask why cant I stay. My ex and I were together for 13 years and we had 10 good ones before she silently checked out (which she admitted) and told me she doesnt love me anymore. Im still Processing the divorce for one and the removal from my Kids aswell. Like I Said it’s been a year and I have Great Fear of growing Distant from my kids. It feels like I lost my Identity as a father,Provider, husband all in an Instant and it will take time to find a new Path As much as it hurt I know it’s better to be alone than with someone who doesnt want to be by your side for better or worse.

Gattsama · 2025-12-19T11:02:12+00:00

CUT & PASTE

Open a new bank account only in your name. It will be considered community assets, but that is taken care of at final settlement. Open a new credit card. Make a new Gmail account. Have everything be paperless and sent to the new account. Can also use google docs for free and drive for free.

Make an excel sheet of all know expenses, assets and debts. In most states you can freeze all joint accounts (they are joint) prior to filing but not always after. Plan to transfer 50% of all cash / assets the day before or of filing. The date of filing normally locks in debts and assets. Anything new after that is separate (in most states).

Confirm the no fault conditions for your state. Some states have a 1 year mandatory separation prior to final settlement. However, separation is a legal status not a physical state. You can be separated but live in the same house (eg move into the guest room and put a lock on the door). Since you have kids do NOT leave the house without a court approved / ordered parenting plan in place. That can be seen as abandonment.

Divorce has three parts: communal assets / debts, spousal support and child support. Each of these are calculated separately. You can however use the assets/debts to balance out or in lieu of support. You can NOT normally negotiate child support (as in theory this is for the child).

The child has three parts: custody, residency/visitation and support. Understand that you can get 50/50 custody but that is separate from residency. Most people today are aiming for equal residency as well: 7-7 (7days with mom, then 7days with dad) or 5225 (5 days with A, 2 days with B, 2 days with A, 5 days with B). In some states child support is just a formula, Google for your state.

Your retirement accounts are a community asset. Anything earned during the marriage (what you earned before is normally safe) is 50% hers.

If you want to keep your retirement accounts, then what you have to do is an uneven distribution or buy her out. Ex 1 - you have 100k of assets, 50k debt and 60k of investments. You keep the 60k but now owe her 30k; so you either give her 30k more of assets or you take an extra 30k of debt. Ex 2 - you give her $30k of extra spousal support or cash. Same is true if you want to keep the home.

The house has two parts. Title and mortgage. Changing the name on the title is as simple as a few forms and fees at the court house. The mortgage however can not be changed without refinancing. So again 3 choices: refinance loan, assumption loan or sell the house. If you get a new loan she still has to get her half of the equity. Either you buy her out (cash), an unequal distribution, or roll into spousal support. If you sell the house, again it's a 50/50 spilt or the equity can be use in lieu of.. (aside - in my case we have to sell the house, I plan to use my half of the equity in lieu of support. So just give her a huge ass check and have no spousal support after final settlement and we have no kids).

Check if you can legally record conversions in your state. If so buy, a recorder from Amazon. Record everything, can delete at the end of each day if nothing happens. Document everything, not a diary just your life: picked kids from school, did homework, etc. To show you are a good parent.

Contact an attorney, tell them your concerns and review your case (normally first 1hr consult is free). Do not tell her shit until you are prepared. Ask your attorney what temporary orders can be filed to prevent the kids from crossing state lines, visitation, etc. This also varies state to state.

We don't know you or her. IF you think she will be reasonable. Make the plan, have everything on stand by but before pulling the trigger on temp orders, attorneys and escalation; confront her, and see if she is willing to be reasonable and have an uncontested divorce via mediation. Tell her you have filed and there is no repair. I love you and feel horrible. IF she is feeling guilty and workable might not need the temp orders as these pretty much put an end to mediation. IF you know she's crazy, likely to be crazy or takes the news crazy; those orders need to be done at the time of filing or ready to file is things go side ways.

Beside the excel sheet, make a word document with a master timeline is also good to have. Again, you can do this with Google docs and sheets with your new Gmail account. It's not just that you don't want her to see this stuff it's that you want to create a new separate life & systems.

All assets and debts from the time you marry until you file are communal. She opened a credit card in her name, it's got 50k on it. That's half your debt. After you file everything is no longer communal. So right after you file you want your check to be direct deposit to your new account. You can transfer to the joint account as needed to cover bills and expenses. Pay for everything that is you from your account, do not use communal assets. You want to stop co-mingling asap after filing. Again, close all joint accounts just prior to filing. Leave 50% cash in joint checking (aside - my STBX maxed out the joint VISA +$9.5k, took a $7500 cashiers check from the joint checking account, maxed out personal line of credit [zero balance when I filed, now over drawn at +$20k]).

Spousal support alimony varies a lot from state to state. In CA after 10 years there is the possibility of life long alimony!! I'm in WA and that's not on the table until >25 years. Many states have caps on length and amounts, some work to make everything equal. But remember child support is totally separate. Many men can easily find they have to sign over >50% of their net take home. Google for your state and check with attorney.

I can not stress enough that your lawyer can NOT do anything to change the system. They are not your friend or therapist. The only thing you need to discuss is the case. YOU need to read everything you can about the laws in your state, they will not do the heavy lifting for you. If you can do mediation and get it done (even if you have to give up some extra cash) do it! This BS can get really expensive really fast, but you will get the exact same deal at the end anyway. It's more about staying power. A lot guys get crap deals because they give up and quit/settle; or just run of out money to keep fighting.

Good luck out there

eratosthenes777 · 2025-12-19T00:15:55+00:00

Divorce her no saving it.. She going to do what she wants. I just came through this process just closed on my house December 1st!

Donnt leave house judge will sell that as you abandon your kids. Set up a safeplace. I make a corner of my living room where I put my pc, listen to podcasts and what not. Because when she gets served it will be hell for at least a month. Don't argue smile and treat her well.

But something like this https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC5W9DYB?ref_=ppx_hzod_title_mob_b_fed_asin_title_0_0

No lights no noise usbc charge last many days it auto record keep it on in your pocket anytime you're around.

Do not talk anything legal to kids, if she does document it and tell your attorney she is alienating your kids from you.

It sucks going through.. I'm a free man and my son is up in his room as we speak playing on new gaming pc I nought him.

If she won't buy you out of house the judge will make an order to sell house to pay attorneys and split profits.

Biggest most important thing is get a new place in your kids school district because the judge will order the kids to remain in school district..

Its going to suck mine l wasted about 5 month.. Some goes on yrs. But now I'm a free man I got 5050 custody and visitation. Every Wed & Thurs and every other weekend. No child support since we make about the same. It's hard. Watch many divorce YouTube for men listen to advice and good luck! It's uphill for men so be Johnny on spit recording, documenting. And the biggest thing you can do is spoil your kids. I took my son to Dave and busters every week (13 yr gamer) to get a drone. I probably paid over weeks 1000 bucks for a 75 dollar drone but it the memories. He beat my in air hockey, ski ball so on. It's all about you and kids now.

And act as if you are being recorded as well inside your house. Her attorney may tell her to buy hidden cameras or microphones. Mine did.. Good luck

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-12-19T00:05:19+00:00

Welcome to the life of the average married man before divorce and sorry you are here.

While it is ok to want a life partner and someone to love as we are just human and those are human needs,
just be aware that some of the work you are going to have to do is to find your happiness from within.
Your happiness as the responsibility of someone else is a recipe for disaster.

Good luck with possibly the hardest time of your life navigating divorce. In the toughest time, the most personal growth will happen. Stay sober, healthy and don't turn to drugs.

Spared-No-Expense · 2025-12-19T00:01:18+00:00

You have a cheater. Cheaters are liars. They are capable of so much more than that. Forget the woman you once knew. She is dead. This new person is a stranger who fantasizes about you walking in front of a bus. She wants you dead and would do it if she knew for certain she would face no repercussions.

It will get 50x darker before it gets better. Once the cat is out of the bag, she will do whatever she can to poke and prod and create jealousy to get you to yell or raise a hand against her. DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT.

And when that fails she will start to lie. This is where recording EVERYTHING comes into play. Seriously right now buy an audio recorder that does timestamps and can record 10+ hours at a time. Have it mailed to your office, a friends house, or parent, or do Dropbox locker pickup from Amazon. Always have it on when you are at home, or when she calls you on the phone.

Folks will tell you certain states don’t allow this. THIS IS BULLSHIT AND ILL-INFORMED. You can absolutely secretly record ANYTHING ANYONE ANYTIME for defensive purposes. No you can’t bring charges against her with a secret recording, but you CAN refute allegations with a secret recording.

BathAutomatic6972 · 2025-12-18T19:23:32+00:00

First, you are worth the work. You are worth the heartache. You don't deserve the unhappiness. Your kids can see it.

All of the advice is great (lawyers) but therapy. Gym, for you. Find your happiness and joy. KNOW that the first six months are going to be terrible, but prioritize sleep, nutritious food. Toss the keys to the attorney. Document everything. Self surveillance.

Reflog1791 · 2025-12-18T18:27:04+00:00

Talk to 3+ lawyers. Pick the one who will help you and file for divorce. Send her parents your proof. Ghost her 99% with the 1% being about the kids.

In two years you’ll be the happiest guy on the planet. Do not give your freedom away for another 5 or 10 years minimum.

Title	Please Help, I am Broken
Author	No_Negotiation5347
Upvotes	11
Comments	14
Date	December 18, 2025 2:09 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pprq42/please_help_i_am_broken/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/please-help-i-am-broken.1569163 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569163

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