Currently still married and trying to work out where to go from here.

The ranty bit: Rarely a week goes by where she doesn’t lash out at us, kids and myself. She got frustrated with my daughter the other day and poured a glass of water on her head.

I’ve learned not to confront her directly about this behaviour

Where we are now: A discussion about our kids behaviour challenges turned to “let’s pick up the divorce discussion”. I pointed out that I’m less concerned how her behaviour is effecting me and more that it would be impacting the kids, as they don’t know what time of mother they’re getting day in day out. I verbally expressed that I know I have work to do on my own relationship with the kids. But she ignored that statement to say that “you’re not perfect and maybe you should fix yourself before lobbing criticism at others” (paraphrasing here). I pointed out that I didn’t deny I have work to do.

But am I right in being frustrated that these statements read like she’s saying “I don’t need to work on things, I am not the problem”. This reads to me like she is avoiding having to do any work, make any changes. Which matches with the situation.

She only apologised today after I said I’d contacted a website for guidance on divorce.