Rejection

warrior_up · 2019-07-08T22:35:42+00:00

When someone wants to leave you - let them go. Best thing you can do as there’s literally nothing you can say or do right now to change her mind or whatever it is that’s making her make this decision

Blame family law, blame high divorce rates, blame today’s world of quitters and being able to justify and walk away from loved ones because everyone deserves better or life was too hard. Don’t blame yourself, 63% of children today are raised by single moms the more research I’ve done the more all of us divorced family men’s story became the same, all woman are like that today.

Nothing I’m going to say will make you feel better. 1 year later I’m still holding on to the same disbelief, anger and resentment of having the rug pulled out from underneath me. All we can do now, is hope that we’re going through this for a reason, something better is headed our way, think about all the things in life we do have vs what we don’t, never forget how much worse it could be. Stay focused on making it through each day and even if it’s 5 mins less that you think about her, why it happened or the fear of the unknown future means you’re getting better.

Follow the FEAR, embrace the FEAR - she wants out, so be it. She’ll be looking for you in Every man she thinks wants to be with her. She will not find better - good luck trying

Rock on bro. Life can be tough, bad things do happen to good people - it’s these times that make you a better man/person

optimus2121 · 2019-07-09T00:01:17+00:00

I went through this man... it hurts and it sucks. You cannot force someone to want you or love you even when you still do. You will lose yourself and drive yourself mental trying to prove your value and worth when they simply just don’t.

Love yourself and walk away. Be a better you. And move on. It will be a chapter in your book and will help you see clearer and move forward in finding something better and real.

Live now and present my friend. Your memories are past. Don’t let them infect or hurt your present.

When you value yourself now and make yourself better and happier it all comes back...

Like magnets.

Life is fucking crazy yo. Be positive and be happy.

On_ur_left · 2019-07-09T02:33:56+00:00

I am in the same boat. Today there are so many accomplices to a woman leaving. T.V. shows glamorize it, friends are divorced and telling her she deserves to be happy - leave because he sounds awful, family sides with their daughter to maintain their friendship, and the courts are setup in favor of the woman. A woman can have a midlife crisis and your suddenly kicked out of your house and to blame.

You can provide, be a great dad, friend, let them do whatever they choose, but if they want to see and focus on the negative they can easily play the victim and get empathy from all of their accomplices.

I didn't deserve to be left. I am humble guy and a great father. She was my best friend. It's unbelievable but I am starting to realize if they don't love you then let them leave. They are the one's lacking character, commitment, and strength. It is the disposable marriage that society seems to support. It's bullshit.

Let them go and you be the best person ever. Improve yourself. If they come back they will hopefully have realized why they should have respected you instead of left you.

redveinlover · 2019-07-09T07:15:24+00:00

Mine was the same way, almost exactly. Until one day, she told me she'd rather live under a bridge in a box than live with me any more. How do you just change your mind like that in a short period of time?

I have learned a whole lot about women since the divorce, and none of it was encouraging.

Nicnasmith · 2019-07-09T00:22:08+00:00

I feel you brother. I'm in the same boat. Sorry you are experiencing this.

MNCPA · 2019-07-09T02:29:38+00:00

Rejection is tough, especially from your best friend.

Look at it this way. It takes two to get married but only one to get divorced. At some point, she was ready to spend the rest of her life with you. Now, she doesn't. There is not much you can do.

It sucks.

Focus on working on you. Be the better you. Be better than the person that she married.

All the best.

Forward13F · 2019-07-09T12:36:49+00:00

Going through the same thing right now. Just know you're not alone.

dukecharming1975 · 2019-07-09T16:07:19+00:00

Ugh. Me too. My ex wife was the same way. I was affectionate, always telling her I loved her, thought we loved one another despite our flaws. Turns out she was a lying, cheating narcissist. I am still healing from her bullshit. I too didn't want to start dating again at 43 as a single dad.

dukecharming1975 · 2019-07-09T16:18:57+00:00

My go too when I don't have my sons is to work out in a haze of cannabis. Not for everyone,

Sectionz2 · 2019-07-09T16:22:03+00:00

Been there, 26 years together, 17 years happily married then I discovered the dark place she was hiding for 18 months.

Spent a year in therapy. Yoga 3-4x/week. Joined a book club. Spent a couple of months trying to convince her to stay. Met a girl, then another then many more after that.

Grieved for about 6 months, slowly healed for another 6. Still have anger and resentment a couple of times/day after a year and most people say that’s a rapid recovery. Finally feeling good most of the time.

Be good to yourself, you deserve it. Try to imagine who you want to be in 5 years and start working toward that.

This is only a moment, it’s not permanent.

spejsr · 2019-07-09T16:57:33+00:00

Cca 2.5 years later, and yeah I've been through, even though it seemed impossible. Time will sort it out.

There was a moment about year and a half in where she invited herself to a family dinner at my place. I suddenly realized, I dont want this person close to me anymore. It was such a relief.

One of the key things that pulled me out of the limbo was exercise. I was never before enthusiastic about it but it came to the point that I wanted to just make myself tired enough so I can fall asleep. And it started doing magic for confidence, happiness, health. These days skipping exercise is a canary in a mine, for getting lazy and drifting into self pity and all that shit I had to go through. So then regular exercise asks for regular and clean food, sleep, etc. Its not enough to keep things together but it's one of the best coping mechanisms.

Good luck!

chimera1337 · 2019-07-09T17:27:58+00:00

Same my friend, after 10 years of marriage she said whelp I don't think I love you anymore and wanted to see what other people are like. WTF!?

mideast19 · 2019-07-27T01:47:08+00:00

I’m sad too brother. I relate to everything you wrote in that post.

proudpapa97 · 2019-08-03T04:47:19+00:00

Yes my wife looked for any reason she could find to leave. Unfortunately she decided to run away with my daughter and I didn’t see her for 5 months. It’s a shame but it’s reality and you have to do what’s best for you now. I know I had to. Everything I do now I have to do better, be better, and I can’t afford not to for the sake of my child and myself.

Be strong, nobody can promise you life will be easy or fair but one thing you can always be sure of is how you choose to respond. Be the bigger man, walk away and don’t look back. Move on and focus on building yourself up, become the best version of you and you will no doubt find someone who deserves to be with you. And you will be better off for it. Let bygones be bygones and move on.

If someone can willingly choose to walk away from you, discard you in search of something else, let them leave. They don’t deserve to be with you and you shouldn’t compromise your dignity. Nowadays woman leave their spouses because they’re looking for something they don’t realize is missing from themselves, and they go to other men looking for this missing piece they will never find because no one can help them but themselves.

On another note fathers need to fight for there children. We need to be a strong part of our child’s life and teach them, love them, and support our kids as best we can, cause if we don’t, it leads later to daddy issues and alcohol problems on top of everything else. Hurting people hurt people and without proper guidance can be very difficult to seek to better themselves later on. It’s a nasty reoccurring cycle that can be broken, but only through sacrifice. Yes fighting to be apart of our kids lives is a sacrifice. raising and building that relationship with our children takes, time, money, energy, it’s not always easy and some situations are frankly worse than others but never give up and always try to be the best dad you can be. Anyone can call themselves a father but it really takes someone special to be a dad. (In this case your child should know you as dad)

And to anyone still going through the divorce process or separation in general, just know that In time all will be made right again eventually. Learn to accept the change, move on and do what makes you happy. There’s a million ways to access great resources with coping with this stuff, just know your not alone and it’s going to be okay. Trust me I know first hand what it’s like, but I never gave up and now I’m much stronger for it, smarter and wiser and I’ve never felt more of a sense of who I am if I hadn’t of experienced what I did. So in a way learn to thank those who have shown you rejection as being another way it’s made you as a person tougher.

Thanks for reading, take care.

-BSB

Title	Rejection
Author	laughagain3
Upvotes	27
Comments	24
Date	July 8, 2019 10:09 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/carqvm/rejection/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/rejection.1205738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1205738

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