I am in the to each his own camp, after reading some of that “don’t date for a year” sticky post.
Every marriage is different. Before my separation last November, my wife did the “quiet” separation and I felt abandoned for the good part of a year before that. I was undervalued, dismissed and felt undesired. I noticed other marriages close to us more than ever, and realized that I am not respected and stbx has an immunity to apologizing. When problems arose I would accept my responsibility in the issue and she would say “I’m not the person for you.”

Her friends became the priority and many girl trips ensued. Been separated now for 9 months. So almost two years feeling alone. I have been in counseling for over a year now, navigating this. I invited her to go together but she ignored it and did some on her own.

We have lived separate lives in the same house, and I have met someone else (during separation) and I am filing for divorce. Stbx actually told me herself life is short, to go be happy and meet someone. Strange huh? That tells me that she checked out a while ago and wants me to leave. We agree something is and was missing. I don’t want to hear any accusations that I cheated on my marriage. It was over, maybe not on paper but that means nothing to me. That is between me and God. Only we know that I was separated, left alone and needed to find some happiness for myself.

Honestly, I have been unhappy for years and should have done this long ago. There was no abuse or cheating. But we were great at parenting and family stuff. We lacked chemistry and intimacy, which as a man is very hard. It would be nice to hear your partner express a physical desire. Too much to ask for some. 28 years and I stayed together for the kids sake. They have moved out and around that time I noticed then that I was not a priority anymore. The real pisser is that when women want a wedding and a family and all that goes with it, they make us feel like kings. Now I feel sad some days (mostly because my kids have grown and are out of the house) and strong on other days. It’s all so weird to me how people change so much over time. I’ll be fine and I can already see doors opening for me. There is an abundance of women out there longing for a good and decent man to spend time with. I take good care of myself, exercise, play in a band and mt bike.

All is well (most days) but I would like to hear some encouragement in finalizing the divorce paperwork. It’s down to splitting things up at this point. Peace to all you men going through this.