Encouragement needed

Trip_2 · 2023-10-08T16:59:51+00:00

Women know that they have the financial advantage in a divorce, and it's easier for women to move onto a new relationship.I mean, let's be honest in that no matter how ugly, old, or evil they are, men will line up to sniff their butt...

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-10-08T16:19:16+00:00

At the onset, I buy that. I mean more women initiate divorce, so yes more men are getting blindsided. As such it’s harder to process early on.

The problem with this gray divorce stuff is time. Ideally these women (and men) should have the foresight to see they have the opportunity to do it all. What I mean is there’s plenty of time to spend with friends, family and hobbies without sacrifice. There’s time to spend with a spouse. With kids out of the equation, there’s far less sacrifices. Point is, you can be more independent than ever and still be married.

There’s no getting around the fact that you both will experience intense loneliness. No matter how many friends or activities you do, you both come home to an empty house. Just sucks.

Only solace is she needs to live with a decision she made. Wasn’t your decision.

captainchippsixx · 2023-10-08T19:04:50+00:00

Women marry to get their moment “wedding” and kids. A lot of the times they want a resource daddy as well. So once the resources are maxed, kids had, wedding- they can move on easily.

Also a lot of women have the new guy or plan lined up and we don’t even know it. They can hide all of it very well.

Also they keep telling the “story” of how you failed and she did everything she could…… To anyone that will listen. They spew this narrative so often that they actually believe it. They will your version even if you showed them proof! If they have to admit it then they say they were a victim.

woundedsurfer · 2023-10-08T20:02:35+00:00

I’m currently separated from my wife (17 years together 11 married w/ two young kids), she woke up on morning and told me she had a “spiritual awakening” that doesn’t include me. I did not see it coming, I was in shock (still am), I asked her how she could just so easily walk away from all we’ve built together? Her answer, I mourned the death of this marriage a year ago. A YEAR AGO….?? 😳 Like wtf?

Turns out she was also having an emotional affair with another married man from her work. So the truth really comes out!!!

mancman14 · 2023-10-08T20:06:01+00:00

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence for these quitters, sad thing is most times they are worse and they suck the whole family into a hole . Modern world, full of shit!

rhett342 · 2023-10-08T18:18:52+00:00

Two things I've picked up on here are you're not divorcing the woman ypu married because she's gone bow. Also, she was never really yours to begin with. It was just your turn.

techrmd3 · 2023-10-08T16:51:18+00:00

>>How in the world do women change so fast?

They don't change all women are opportunistic, Via dear old dad and mom she gets the opportunity to live her life in your house without you!

The best way to think about it is that for women love is conditional. You do X Y Z I love you. The hell of it is that sometimes XYZ change and they don't bother to update the hubby on the new life requirements.

Women don't wake up one day and say "I'm done".

No they make this decision privately with no outward sign. Once the decision is made it's like a light switch very binary to the OFF position. To the outside it looks sudden. It's not she calculated it ... she talked with her parents about money for the house. She planned.

your counselor is right about "men hanging on" in a way.

What your counselor (or most pros advising men) don't realize is. The woman made the decision and got prepared.

The woman has a head start on ALL post relationship adjustment, mental issues and recovery. BECAUSE the Woman mentally exited the marriage months before she said "I'm done".

It's easy to get disheartened to see the ex doing what she's doing. But it's because she cheated and started the recovery race BEFORE you did.

Pretty easy to look like a stellar runner in a race the cheater started running months before the starter pistol sounded right?

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2023-10-09T01:06:58+00:00

Divorce sucks, especially after so many years together. But man, hats off to you for how you're handling it – hitting the gym, rocking out with your band, and leaning on friends. That's how you get through tough times.

About men and women handling divorce differently, everyone's got their own way of coping. Just because someone seems to move on quickly doesn't mean they're not hurting inside. Everyone's battle is different.

Stay strong and keep pushing forward. You've got this, and you've got a lot of folks in your corner cheering you on.

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-10-09T01:55:08+00:00

Similar age. Similar length of marriage.

I lost my house. I had the salary and cash to buy her out. But she was difficult and wanted to sell to a stranger.

Shrug. That was fine. Because I was really on the fence about it. Interest rates were back up to 7%. My payment (tax, insurance, HOA) would have been $5k a month. I'd have maintenance - the HOA did squat. The home needed a lot of work. And I'd be starting over on a 30 year fixed. So I'd never really knock much off of the principle. I'd be betting on appreciation. And, probably biggest factor, I'd be house poor. My lifestyle would have been house payment, work, sleep.

I put the money into an index fund. It's been about six months now. Not sure what will do better, a good index fund or housing. Housing is next to impossible to guess. The stock market is a little easier.

These types of decision can do a number on your head. It's anyone's guess what will happen in the next 10 years. Parking the money for a year in a HYSA is a safe thing to do. I think an index fund is relatively safe. You can make a decision to buy back into the housing market next year. Wait and see. Make sure the appraisal is reasonable. And uh, honestly, (I have no idea for sure) I think buying it is a relatively stupid thing to do. Let her buy it if she can hit the appraisal price.

As far as women and emotional pain, you know. She's probably hurting too. Emotionally. Financially. Everything. Divorce isn't easy. The ups and downs get amplified... it's a 10x factor. There are times that she loses it. She's not sipping on wine eating cheese and crackers laughing about her new found freedom. She's probably barely holding it together crying in an empty wine glass wondering if she did the right thing. She doesn't know. And she'll never let you know.

Educational-Time-939 · 2023-10-08T22:00:45+00:00

Women for the most part, are waking up one day and saying “I’m not happy, I’m done.”

I literally saw two posts in a row 'elsewhere' that were exactly this. I'm sitting here agonizing over personal misery and some people just go "yeah it's just sorta not doing it for me anymore"

SpiritualEnema · 2023-10-09T01:39:53+00:00

One of the problems I have noticed, and my girlfriend agrees, is that groups of women often just mindlessly validate other women’s choices and thoughts.
If he is struggling, she can do better. If he is too emotional then she needs a real man. If he is angry then she should leave that abuser. Most don’t give a second thought to actually working on the situation, or fighting for their family or relationship. Everyone needs at least one person who can tell them the cold, hard truth.

Married women should never take advice from single women or social media “relationship influencers”. They all have the same message: You deserve to be happy and if you’re not it’s his fault.

lifeisallihave · 2023-10-08T18:15:02+00:00

There's a time coming that men will also avoid marriage at all costs, their sons will also be doing the same knowing what happened to dad.

Fantastic-Bonus4461 · 2023-10-17T02:14:31+00:00

Keep us updated if you don’t mind, have a close friend going through something similar. Thanks and good luck

Fantastic-Bonus4461 · 2023-10-17T15:21:38+00:00

You mentioned going through a season, just remember seasons evolve and things change there may be some residual but they do change

Title	Encouragement needed
Author	AxeMuley
Upvotes	13
Comments	27
Date	October 8, 2023 3:57 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1732mtb/encouragement_needed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/encouragement-needed.1234433 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234433

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